The Average Life at Aperture Science
by Xelac
Summary: GLaDOS turns Wheatley, a copy of herself, and possibly some other androids into humans for mental and behavioral experiments.  However, allied with Chell, they get a bit out of hand.  Randomness and a bit of fourth-wall breaking ensues! FW Mafia.
1. It Begins

Everything was perfect for GLaDOS in Aperture Science. The _highly _destructive Chell was gone, and Wheatley was stranded in space. The Cooperative Testing robots had found a vault filled with thousands of human test subjects. Testing was going smoothly. Absolutely nothing went wrong.

Could this last? Of course not. Chell wandered around in that wheat field for not very long before becoming _extremely _bored. So, she went right back to Aperture. So much for an escape.

Well, this could not go well. But, GLaDOS knew from experience that trying to kill Chell usually led to a disaster, and capturing her proved troublesome, too. So, GLaDOS let her stay, as long as she didn't blow up the facility. Yes, things did end up getting destroyed, but hey, that's better than an explosion or being turned into a potato, right? Heh heh heh… Mistake Number 1.

Okay, things were still stable in Aperture Science. Chell did, however, get over the whole 'I'm-not-talking' thing, and because of that she and GLaDOS found themselves arguing over, well, pretty stupid things, actually, like the possibility of a triple portal device. Or unicorns. But that's not important.

Of course, not even this time period of relative stability could last. One day, a _very_ confused astronaut showed up with a certain British idiot. Said astronaut was immediately put into advanced testing, within which he didn't last long, since both GLaDOS and Chell weren't very happy with Wheatley's return. Rather than killing him, however, GLaDOS decided that it would be more effective, and more fun, to keep him alive and make him as miserable as possible. They had fun doing things such as covering Wheatley in the repulsion gel and dropping him from the highest point in a random test chamber, or bowling, with him as the ball and turrets as the pins. Mistake Number 2.

To prevent Chell and Wheatley from doing anything suspicious, such as blowing up the facility, GLaDOS had set cameras _everywhere_, even in the area around Chell's room, which was like the one she woke up in at the very beginning of Portal 2, and was near a bathroom and a kitchen that GLaDOS could somehow constantly restock with food that had not spoiled for two hundred years… This worked, despite the fact that Wheatley's management rail went right through this area, and GLaDOS was forced to sit through every stupid argument they had.

"Why can't you just accept a simple apology?" Wheatley complained for the tenth time that day. He was currently following Chell along a catwalk to her room.

"Suuuuure, like a 'simple apology' could make up for you trying to kill me _several times_," Chell said coldly, walking away from him toward her room.

"GLaDOS has tried to kill you several times," Wheatley pointed out, following her, "You're not mad at _her_."

"I _am_ mad at her," Chell replied, turning to face him, "The difference is that she doesn't bother me with fake apologies. Or any apologies, for that matter."

"This apology isn't fake! How many times do I have to tell you that?" Wheatley whined.

"How can I tell? You also said that you would help me escape, but instead you threw me down a pit!" Chell pointed out.

"I told you that GLaDOS's mainframe messes up your head. She was probably saner as a potato," Wheatley said, beginning to try to sound angry but failing and ending up sounding even whinier.

"As much as I'd like to agree with that," Chell said, pointing out a camera.

Life at Aperture Science was getting more annoying by the day. However, something interesting happened…

"You know, I'm _really _starting to hate humans because of you," Wheatley randomly pointed out, tailing Chell once again, "I thought you were an example. I honestly thought that you were a real example for the human race. I mean, you had brain damage, and yet…"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, I have never had brain damage," Chell pointed out (for the umpteenth time).

"Well, you never talked before this, so I-" Wheatley said.

"There's a difference between not wanting to talk and having brain damage, Wheatley," Chell said slowly, as if he had brain damage (which wasn't too unlikely).

"You know what? I think you're just stubborn," Wheatley said stubbornly, "I think that you and all your other primate friends are nothing but stubborn, stupid, um, umm… But anyway, I'm glad I'm not one!"

"Oh, really?" Chell said, amused rather than angry at his half-failed insult, "I thought that you would be glad if by some weird twist of fate you did become one, since then you would actually have a brain."

"No, no, I would become stupider if I became a human, because, um, because I have too much, uh, knowledge, and uh, memory for a human brain to hold," Wheatley replied, his eye thing swiveling as he tried to think of excuses.

"Knowledge? Really? What could _possibly _cause me to doubt that?" Chell said as she picked up her pace. They were… somewhere in the facility. To be honest, they just wandered around and argued in their free time, and since they had nothing to do, all of their time was free time. They did a lot of wandering and arguing, much to GLaDOS's dismay.

However, hearing them talk about humans randomly gave GLaDOS an idea…

If you could take a human and map its mind onto a computer, what about vice versa?

What could _possibly _go wrong?

There you have it. Mistake Number 3. How this entire disaster started. GLaDOS began with Wheatley.

Remember what Wheatley said about there being too much stuff in his head to fit inside a human brain? He was wrong. There was a lot of room left over…

So, now Wheatley was in a human body. GLaDOS had even bothered to try to find a fitting host. He was about the same height as Chell, and was pretty scrawny. He had bright blue eyes, like his core, and a mess of spikey blond hair. Blond… get it?

Now came the hard part. GLaDOS doubted that there would be any change in Wheatley's behavior, but what about herself? Of course, she couldn't just give up control of the facility for this experiment. So, she made an exact copy of herself and put that into a human. She put a bit more effort into making this host fitting.

The human version was taller than Chell and Wheatley, had amber eyes the same color as GLaDOS's... optic… thing… and shoulder-length, silver-ish blond hair. No blond jokes on this one, she would rip your head off if she could.

GLaDOS's human version wore a white lab coat, as you might expect, and under it a black shirt with a blue Aperture Science logo on it and tan pants. Wheatley wore the same thing, except without the lab coat, and Chell, rather than wearing an orange jumpsuit, wore an orange T-shirt and pants with black Aperture logos. Where did these cloths come from? Same place as the food. The world may never know.

After a few tests to get the former AIs used to their new bodies, Chell's room was replaced by a larger room with a bunk bed and a regular bed. You know, to gather more research on the interaction between the humans, and to make this more _fun._ The three gathered in there.

After staring blankly at each other for a few minutes, Wheatley finally spoke up.

"Sooo… What now?" he asked.

"Well, it is technically night time, even though you can never tell, so we might as well decide who gets what bed," GLaDOS's human form, who will be known as Glados (how original), suggested as she walked toward the regular bed, daring anyone to tell her otherwise.

"What? What makes you so special-" Wheatley's potential rant was cut off by both a glare from Glados and an elbow to his ribs by Chell, who also reminded him of the camera in their room.

_Note: Humans feel the need to argue over everything, _GLaDOS the original AI thought, boredly watching them.

"Fine. I'll just take the top bunk," Wheatley said, turning towards the bunk bed when he was stopped again.

"Wrong," Chell said simply.

"What-" he began.

"Might I remind you that you are no longer safely above me on your management rail?" Chell asked sweetly. Wheatley shuddered.

"Fine," he grumbled. Okay, there were times in which Chell actually scared him. She did abandon him in space, after all, and both he and GLaDOS agreed that she had anger management issues.

Not long afterwards, the lights went off, and the humans were ordered to bed.

**A/N: About Chell: On Combine Over Wiki, there is a theory that Chell isn't actually mute; she refused to talk to prevent GLaDOS from getting the satisfaction of a response from her insults. Besides, a parody like this would be hard to write without her being able to talk.**


	2. Sleepwalking

"Um, Chell?" Wheatley asked innocently from the bunk below her.

"What is it _now,_ Wheatley?" Chell asked tiredly. They had gone to bed hours ago, and it was almost pith black in their room.

"It's about this human thing called sleeping," Wheatley said, "I don't know how to sleep."

Chell growled quietly and jumped down from the top bunk with a thud loud enough to wake Glados and even GLaDOS, if they were asleep. GLaDOS, of course, never slept, but Glados looked like she was, even if she was as confused about the process as Wheatley. In fact, she was awake, and listening to what Chell would do about Wheatley's sleeping problem.

"Okay, first of all, lie down, close your eyes, and relax," Chell said, as helpful as she could be after waking up at 12:00 midnight.

"I already guessed that," Wheatley replied, "But what else?"

Chell shrugged. "Just wait for it. Breath slower. Let your mind wander around, or something."

"What do you mean, 'let my mind wander around'? Does it sprout legs and go off on its own?" Wheatley asked. It was hard to tell whether or not he was serious.

"No," Chell answered whether he was serious or not, "Just don't think too hard."

"Right." Wheatley was, however, the only one in Aperture Science to have ever actually managed to _hurt _himself by thinking too hard.

Chell, not caring if he got the idea or not, jumped back onto the top bunk.

"I'm still confused," Wheatley muttered.

"Just wait," Chell said before falling asleep; the only expert at doing so in the facility.

"Wait for what?" Wheatley muttered to himself.

The next morning Glados smacked Chell and Wheatley upside their heads to get them to wake up. Chell growled and sat up while Wheatley stumbled to his feet.

"Right. It's morning. It's time to go," he babbled, his words slurring together. He proceeded to walk into the wall next to the door. "Ow," he muttered, taking a few steps back. He walked forward again and hit the wall again. Glados and Chell glanced at each other as this continued.

"It seems he didn't get to sleep," Glados snickered, writing down notes in a notebook.

"I guess not," Chell agreed, also snickering. She opened the door and maneuvered Wheatley in front of it. He finally walked through the door, only to walk into the wall on the opposite side of the hallway.

"Ow," he muttered again, and the same process continued. Chell made him turn to the left and walk down the hallway, then to the right into the kitchen.

He sat down at a small round table and muttered, "Glados stole my monkey… The turrets are plotting world domination…"

Chell, trying not to laugh, made scrambled eggs and set a plate in front of him. Wheatley looked at the plate, then back at her.

"Good job," he mumbled, "we can use the scrambled eggs to stop the turrets!" He picked up his plate and walked dutifully up a flight of stairs and onto a catwalk that led into the rest of the facility.

Now that he was gone, Chell and Glados let their snickering turn into laughing. Suddenly, Glados stopped.

"Wait," she said seriously, "that moron is loose sleepwalking in the facility!"

"Should we go after him?" Chell asked, not really caring.

"No, we should just wait here until he destroys something!" Glados said sarcastically, already leaving.

The two ran down a catwalk and into a hallway, trying to catch up with a half-asleep moron.

"Hi there, pretty ladies!" came a voice as they passed the corrupted core bin, "You havin' yourselves a little adventure?"

They slowed down to a walk.

"I don't need to deal with _another _moron," Glados growled, not stopping, "Don't even bother with him."

"As much as I'd like to keep going, we have no idea if Wheatley even went this way," Chell pointed out. She walked back to the bin. "Look, so-called 'Adventure' Sphere, have you seen a male human?"

Rick the Adventure Sphere paused a moment before answering, "What is he to you, sweetheart? If you're looking for-"

"Answer the question before I throw you in the incinerator," Glados said calmly, walking up to them.

"Okay, okay! I've seen him. He was on an adventure himself, off to save the world from the turrets. I offered to help, but he said that all he needed was his scrambled eggs. Brave man," Rick said with awe. "He went towards the Big Boss Lady's chamber," he added.

"Good job," Glados said sarcastically, walking away, "you get to live another day."

"Hey if either of you are free some time-" Rick began again.

"Don't even think about it," Chell replied, following Glados.

"To the 'Big Boss Lady's' chamber, then," Chell said as she caught up, snickering.

"If you start calling me that, I will murder you," Glados replied calmly. They were walking through the hallway that led to GLaDOS's chamber, which was still tilted on its side. "Don't say anything stupid," Glados hissed under her breath, as the doors opened, "In fact, don't say anything at all. Let me do the talking."

"I honestly thought that _you, _of all people would be able to keep a couple of humans under control," GLaDOS said as they walked in, completely ignoring Chell.

Glados, who found it harder than she thought to ignore an insult given by herself, and replied in the same calm way, "A core said that the moron was on his way here?"

"He came _towards _here," GLaDOS corrected, rotating slightly, "but changed direction on the way. Didn't you ever think of that?"

Chell chuckled, and Glados elbowed her hard in the ribs.

"I know that you came here to find out exactly where he is, but why don't we make this situation more useful and think of it as a test?" GLaDOS suggested. Well, of course it wasn't a suggestion. The panel that Chell and Glados were standing on popped up like an Aerial Faith Plate, flinging them out of the chamber. "I will tell you this, though," GLaDOS continued, "last time I checked, he was heading towards one of the old testing tracks. You know which one, Chell." The doors slammed shut.

"Well. That was a slap in the face," Chell said calmly as they stood up. Glados didn't say anything and walked off. "What, is she getting to you?" Chell asked, catching up to her, "In fact, it's more like you're getting to yourself!"

"I preferred it when you were mute," Glados said coldly, "Besides, after what's happened, I should just let that moron kill himself."

"Why don't you?" Chell asked.

"I have ideas for experiments," Glados replied, "But they require more cores being turned into humans. If I can't control _two_ humans, how can I convince the original me to make more?" she pointed out.

It wasn't long before the entered the room with the relaxation vault that led into a testing track. It was covered in plants and practically falling apart, since GLaDOS stopped using it.

They walked into the room with the cube and the button, to find a plate of scrambled eggs on the button and Wheatley once again ramming his head into the door.

"That was easy," Chell remarked, grabbing Wheatley by the arm.

"No… no… the turrets! World domination! The eggs will dominate the world!" Wheatley whined, struggling against her.

"Shut up and keep walking, moron," Glados said, grabbing his other arm.

Half an hour later, Wheatley was sitting on the floor in GLaDOS's chamber, still half asleep.

"Well. I guess you _can_ handle humans. That's good," GLaDOS noted, "It shows that there might not have been a glitch."

"What would make you think that I have a _glitch_?" Glados asked defiantly, crossing her arms.

"The entire situation that went on today. Do you really think that_ I_ would have been as irresponsible as to let a moron, let alone a _sleepwalking_ moron, to go off on his own?" GLaDOS said matter-of-factly. Glados stiffened.

"It has been pretty funny, though," Chell randomly cut in. She tapped Wheatley on the shoulder and said, "Hey, Wheatley, what time is nine o' clock?"

"Seven… thirty… ish…" Wheatley replied sleepily.

"Wheatley, what's your name?" she asked.

"Umm… I don't know… Let me think about it," he babbled.

"Wheatley, why does the banana have red spots?" Chell asked, trying not to laugh.

"I didn't do it!" Wheatley said desperately. He pointed to GLaDOS, "She did!"

"Just get him out of here," GLaDOS said with a hint of irritation. If she could roll her eyes, she probably would have. Glados and Chell once again grabbed him by the arms to lead him back to their living area.

Once the doors to the chamber shut behind them, Chell laughed again. "Oh, he's a jolly good fellow," she randomly sang.

"Bananas are usually yellow," Wheatley finished, shuffling behind her.

"And on that farm he had a _bird,_" Chell went on.

Wheatley immediately ducked to the ground and covered his head with his hands, and whimpered, "Bird… Bird… Bird." He curled into a fetal position.

Chell and Glados looked at each other, then back at him. They shrugged, and walked off, leaving him there.

(Several hours later)

"OMYGAWDOMYGAWDOMYGAWD!" Wheatley shrieked, Bursting into the kitchen. Glados and Chell jumped.

"What's going on?" Glados asked with only mild concern.

"I-I-I... The last thing I remember is being in bed trying to figure out how to sleep, and then suddenly I'm lying in front of GLaDOS's chamber! What happened? WHAT HAPPENED?" Wheatley yelled, becoming increasingly loud and panicked, "DID GLADOS DO SOMETHING TO ME?"

"Nothing happened," Chell answered calmly, "You've been sleepwalking."

"What's _sleepwalking?_" Wheatley demanded, shaking.

"It's when you're wandering around while half-asleep, behaving even more moronic than usual," Glados said, entirely calm, "And which GLaDOS were you talking about?"

"I DON'T KNOW!" Wheatley yelled, slumping down into a chair at the table. "My head's killing me..."

"Maybe it's your own yelling," Glados retorted.

"Just go back to bed," Chell suggested irritably. Wheatley glared at her, then trudged back into their room.


	3. The Pineapple

The next morning, the trio once again gathered in the kitchen. Luckily, Wheatley had gotten the hang of this 'sleeping' thing, and wasn't rambling about using scrambled eggs to stop the turrets from taking over the world.

He also, much to everyone's dismay, claimed that he would be the one to make breakfast that day. He walked over to the refrigerator and opened it.

"What is THAT?" He suddenly gasped, staring into the fridge. Chell and Glados curiously came up behind him to see what he was looking at.

"That," Chell said matter-of-factly, "is a pineapple." The pineapple was sitting on a plate, perfectly upright, all alone on a shelf that was eye-level. It almost looked like it was placed specifically to look important.

"Why do we have a pineapple in the fridge?" Wheatley asked in confusion, "and how are we supposed to eat it when it's covered with that spikey stuff, the skin?"

"You remove it, moron," Glados replied.

"How?" he asked.

"I think you're supposed to use a special sort of knife, which we probably don't have," Chell replied, turning to Glados, "Do we have an Aperture Science Pineapple Skin Remover?"

Glados rolled her eyes. "It's probably some sort of test," She said, looking back at the camera through which the original AI GLaDOS watched. _Though I have no idea what it would be for, _she thought.

"If it's a test, then let's just grab any knife and have at it!" Chell suggested excitedly. Wheatley squeaked in alarm.

"I don't trust either of you with knife," Glados said, taking the pineapple out of the fridge, "Or with anything, for that matter."

"Sooo, what _do _we do with it?" Wheatley asked, closing the refrigerator door. Glados glanced at him while his back was turned, then at the pineapple, and suddenly threw it at his head. It hit its mark, and Wheatley gave a girlish squeal, spun a little, and then fell over. Chell and Glados both burst out laughing as he stood up with the pineapple in hand. "What the bloody h*** was that for?" he growled, glaring at the fruit.

"Oh, sorry," Glados said casually, regaining her composure, "I've been wanting to hurt you ever since I put you in that body."

Wheatley glared at her, and then threw the pineapple at her. His aim was way off, and he nearly hit Chell, who ducked. The pineapple hit the wall below the camera, and amazingly didn't seem to take any damage.

"Please stop launching projectiles in the living area," GLaDOS said calmly. Completely ignoring her, Chell picked up the pineapple and threw it back at Wheatley. He dodged, and the fruit made a loud thunk on the refrigerator. He grabbed it threw it again, with it hitting the camera this time, obviously breaking it. They froze as a long sigh came from the AI. "If you thought that I was using reverse psychology, you were sorely mistaken," she said with her usual calm demeanor.

"Ohhh," Chell said with mock realization, "Maybe we should launch projectiles elsewhere, then." She walked to the stairs with the pineapple, glanced back at the other two, and to make sure that they would follow, she threw it, hitting Wheatley on the shoulder, and then ran. Wheatley grabbed the fruit and gave chase.

"This can't end well," Glados sighed, following.

She found them in a large, spacious test chamber that they must have entered through a broken observation window. There was an emancipation grill that ran through the middle of the room, but didn't extend all the way to the ceiling. There was a small button and a cube dispenser on one side of the grill and a larger button on the other. Chell and Wheatley were still throwing the pineapple at one another over the grill, with one of them on each side of it.

"You two did realize," Glados said casually as she jumped down into the chamber, "that you can't exit this test chamber without completing it, right?"

"WHAT?" Wheatley asked just before the pineapple hit him on the head. Again. He put his hand on the spot where it hit, and turned back to Glados. "WHY? I DON'T WANT TO DO YOUR STU-" he yelled, just as Glados picked up the pineapple and threw it at him, hitting him in the shoulder. He _really_ hated GLaDOS's tests, mostly because even the simplest ones made his head hurt.

"Alright, Wheatley," Chell sneered from the other side of the emancipation grill, "Show us how you're going to get back up to that window." To be honest, she wasn't pleased about testing either, but watching Wheatley fail would be amusing. Wheatley looked up at it, realizing that it was 20 feet off the ground and there was no way to climb up to it without a portal gun. Not to mention that the edges were covered with shards of broken glass.

"FINE. What do I do?" he asked. Glados rolled her eyes.

"Press the button," Chell said impatiently.

Wheatley walked over to the smaller button and rapidly pressed it several times. The dispenser halfway opened, then halfway closed as cubes fell and were immediately incinerated for the next cube. In the end, the dispenser stayed open with no cube. Wheatley picked up the pineapple and threw it, and for once it hit its mark. The dispenser shuddered and sparks flew on impact.

"Congratulations, moron," came GLaDOS's darkly sarcastic voice, "You managed to break a test chamber. With a pineapple. I am _truly _impressed."

Chell snickered at the look of horror on Wheatley's face. For _once _GLaDOS's anger wasn't directed at _her. _

"Don't think that _you're _entirely innocent," GLaDOS went on as the cameras whipped from Wheatley to her. A panel on the wall opened into a hallway. "All of you return to the living area," the AI ordered irritably.

Chell picked up the pineapple and the trio walked silently through the panel's opening. They had walked for a few minutes when Chell stopped at the entrance to a hallway that lead elsewhere.

"Whatever you're thinking, don't do it," Glados advised, crossing her arms.

Chell smiled at the other two, and said, "I'll be back!" before running down the other hallway.

(A few minutes later)

"PROJECTIIIILE!" GLaDOS turned at the sound of Chell's voice, just in time to get hit in the core by a pineapple and see the test subject run out of her chamber, laughing like a maniac.

"She's lost it…" GLaDOS noted.

**A/N: This is me refusing to accept writer's block o.0… I don't have any concrete idea on what I want to do until chapter five, so this pineapple mess and the next chapter can be considered fillers that set up the disaster at chapter five.**


	4. Hi Ho Cake, Away!

Due to the broken test chamber and Chell's detour, the trio was locked in their living area. And man, were they _bored. _

They were currently sitting in the kitchen. Wheatley, for some reason, was looking through a random cookbook to kill time.

"I HAVE AN IDEAAAA!" He suddenly yelled, jumping up and accidentally throwing the cookbook. It landed on the table with a loud _slap, _then slipped off onto the floor.

Chell, who had apparently been half-asleep, stared at the book blankly and muttered, "What…?"

"I… have found… the answer!" Wheatley replied mysteriously, "To our boredom, I mean."

"Anything to kill time," Glados muttered, standing up, "What is it moron?"

Wheatley picked up the book, flipped to a page, and shoved it in her face. "WE SHALL MAKE A CAKE!"

Glados slapped the book away from her. " A _what?_"

"Yeah! A cake!" Chell said excitedly, suddenly full of energy. She turned to Glados, "You've _always _promised cake!"

"The cake was just a motivational tool," Glados replied seriously, "There was never a cake."

"I know, that's why we should make one!" Chell went on.

"I think we have all of the ingredients, too," Wheatley prompted.

Glados face palmed. She had a distinct feeling that this wouldn't go well. She's been right for the last two chapters, after all.

"Fine. Just don't expect me to help," Glados said, sitting back down.

_This should be interesting, _both Glados and GLaDOS thought.

"Oookay, the first ingredient is, 'one 18.25 ounce packaged chocolate cake mix'!" Wheatley began.

"Check," Chell replied, placing a bag of cake mix on the table.

"Next, 'one can prepared coconut pecan frosting', and then, '3/4 cup vegetable oil'" he continued.

"Check, check," Chell replied again, placing the ingredients with the cake mix.

Wheatley read on as Chell gathered the supplies, "4 large eggs, 1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips, ¾ cup butter or margarine, 1 and 2/3 cups granulated sugar, 2 cups all purpose flour…"

"Is that it?" Chell asked when he stopped.

Wheatley frowned slightly at the book. "No…" he replied, "It's just that next it says, 'don't forget garnishes such as fish shaped crackers, fish shaped candies, fish shaped solid waste'…"

"Well, we don't want 'solid waste' in the cake, fish shaped or not," Chell remarked.

Wheatley looked over the ingredients that they already had. "Should we just leave it at that, then?"

"I guess so," she answered. She got out a hand mixer as Wheatley put the ingredients in a large bowl.

"Alright! Can we start mixing?" Chell asked excitedly, holding the mixer like a weapon and grinning evilly.

"Yes! Yes, just be careful with that!" Wheatley answered nervously.

Wisely, he and Glados took a step back as Chell stuck the mixer in the bowl and turned it on, not noticing that it was set on 'high'. It whirled to life, sending various substances splattering all around the room.

"Ack! Turn it off! Turn it off!" Wheatley shrieked in panic, with his hands in front of his face. After a moment, Chell turned it off and flicked a drop of partially mixed substances off her face.

"Well… that was amusing," Chell commented, gazing calmly at the mess.

Glados, shaking substances out of her hair, walked over to her and yanked the mixer out of her hand. "This is why I don't trust you with anything," she hissed in annoyance. After all, _who_ was going to clean this up?

Wheatley looked at the gooey brown substance in the bowl. "I guess if we take a spoon and stir a bit, it should be fine…" He did not want to use that thing again. After stirring, they poured whatever-the-heck was in the bowl into a cake pan and placed it in the oven, setting it as the cookbook instructed.

_Ding!_

An hour later, the trio cautiously opened the oven door as if it contained the plague. Maybe it did.

At first, it looked like it came out right, with a rich, warm brown color. However, when they took it out, it was a different story. It wiggled like Jell-O, and appeared to be liquid. Wheatley stuck a spoon in it and scooped some out. It stuck to the spoon for a moment, before peeling off and plopping into the pan.

"I might not be as… scientifically inclined as you guys, but I don't think it's supposed to do that…" Wheatley suggested slowly.

"I agree," Glados said, reluctant to agree with a moron, "That is _not _cake. I don't know what it is…"

"There's a weird smell coming off of it…" Chell said, feeling sick. "Wait, did you put in the right amounts of each ingredient, or did you just throw it all in?"

"Uhh, of course I put in the right amounts!" Wheatley replied indignantly. He held up a tablespoon, "This is a teaspoon, right?"

"Of course," Glados sighed knowingly.

"Sh-should we ask for permission to go to the incinerator?" Wheatley asked nervously.

"No," GLaDOS immediately answered. Her camera was still trying to flick splattered substances off its lens.

"It's too solid to pour down the drain," Glados speculated.

"There are trash bags under the sink," Chell suggested, "We could put it somewhere until we can incinerate it…"

"Alright. That's… better than nothing," Wheatley agreed, pulling out a trash bag. They poured/dumped the weird substance into the bag and left it in the corner.

"So… Should we try again?" Chell suggested innocently. She and Wheatley's eyes met, and mischievous smiles spread across their faces. Glados face palmed again.

Several tries, a bit of cake expertise from Glados, and at least 7 hours of fail cakes later, they… had… done it!

Or so it seemed. It certainly _looked _like a cake, unlike the last 5 attempts.

"Someone has to try it," Glados commented. So far, this cake's physical features matched that of a normal cake. The question now was if it was edible.

Wheatley, of course, was the one to stick a fork in it and take a bite. He chewed slowly, and his pupils dilated. "Whoa…" he muttered, "This is… BLOODY EXCELLENT! HAHAHAHAHAAA!" He hastily cut himself a piece and began wolfing it down.

Chell looked at Glados suspiciously, "You didn't… slip anything in there, did you?"

"No," Glados calmly replied, "But I did notice that moron add a rather large amount of sugar."

Chell rolled her eyes and cut herself a piece. After a few bites, a wild grin spread across her face. "OMIGWADWEDIDIT!" She said loudly.

"IKNOWRIIIIGHT?" Wheatley yelled in reply, his cake finished. He jumped up and down in front of Glados, "COMEONYOUHAVETOTRYTHISSS!"

"After seeing the way you two are behaving, I think not," Glados replied, keeping her cool.

"OHCOMEOOOONN!" Wheatley pleaded, jumping up and down and waving his arms with a whacked-by-a-hammer grin.

"No," she replied simply, getting a little nervous. She was, after all, locked in an area with a moron and a lunatic who were both high on sugar.

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Chell laughed, running laps around the table faster than Glados had ever seen a human, even when trying to dodge turret fire.

"OMIGAWD!" Wheatley suddenly yelled, "I KNOW WHAT WE MUST DOOO!"

"WHAT?" Chell yelled, jumping over the table to him.

"WE… SHOULD HAVE… GUMMIE BEARS!" Wheatley said, as serious as possible as one could be on a sugar high.

"YESSS! GUMMIE BEARS!" Chell agreed, bouncing around, "NO, NO, WE SHOULD HAVE… OREOS! MILK'S FAVORITE COOKIE! OREOOOOOOS!"

"YES! OREOS!" Wheatley replied excitedly, "NO, no, no," he said, suddenly quiet, "We… should have… MORE CAAAAAKE!" He yelped with excitement.

"Oh, no," Glados said, grabbing the cake and running to the door. Luckily, GLaDOS opened the door to allow her to pass, but couldn't shut it in time to prevent Chell and Wheatley from escaping as well. She immediately threw the cake into the nearest abyss, hoping that they wouldn't try to go after it. Fortunately, they had already forgotten about the cake and had other ideas.

"OMIGAWD, WHEATLEY, WE SHOULD GO TO THE SURFACE!" Chell suggested enthusiastically.

"YEEAAHHHH! WE SHOULD GO TO THE SURFACE… AND BREAKDAAAANCE!" Wheatley yelled happily in reply.

Before Glados could tell them how stupid that idea was, the lunatics were running/skipping/hopping away at superhuman speed.

She followed them to an open room, not far from GLaDOS's chamber. Wheatley hopped up to her as Chell ran straight at the wall, ran up it for a ways before back flipping onto the floor.

"GLADOOOS! Glados, Glados," Wheatley said, getting softer to a whisper.

"What?" she asked, in a _very _bad mood.

"Can you hear it?" he asked quietly.

"Hear what?"

"Can you hear it _in the ceiling_?" Both of them looked up, and only saw the ceiling.

"Do you mean GLaDOS?" Glados asked.

"NOOO!" he answered loudly, "Can you hear it, _the bird_?" he asked fearfully.

Glados rolled her eyes, looking annoyed even though she was thinking, _I am not afraid of birds, I am not afraid of birds!_

Besides, there weren't any birds around. Or were there… _in the ceiling?_

"GUYS GUYS GUYS!" Chell called, running up to them and almost crashing into Glados, "DO YOU KNOW WHAT WE SHOULD DO? WE SHOULD GO THE HERRR CHAMBER!"

"WE CAN GO THERE AND BREAKDANCE!" Wheatley agreed.

"WITH GUMMIE BEARS!" Chell went on, extremely hyper. The two sped off towards the AI's chamber with Glados at their heels, or at least she would be if they weren't in overdrive.

Glados caught up to them as they were literally bouncing off the walls in GLaDOS's chamber and the AI's threats of neurotoxin and incinerators having no effect at all.

"Oh, good, you've finally showed up," GLaDOS commented, not bothering to keep the aggravation out of her voice.

Before Glados could respond, Chell ran between the two. "GLaDOS! Glados! GLaDOS…" she said, looking from one to the other as if she wasn't sure which one she was talking to.

"WHAT?" they both replied irritably. Chell was about to say something, but collapsed.

"TEEHEEHEEHEE!" Wheatley laughed before collapsing as well. For a moment there was silence.

"It's about time they crashed…" Glados muttered.

"Interesting results…" GLaDOS said, as if she had already calmed down. Yeah, as if. Using panels, she tossed Chell and Wheatley into a random relaxation vault that quickly moved out of the chamber. "Now that that's taken care of, you can return to the living area and clean up that mess," GLaDOS ordered sweetly.

Glados sighed, knowing that this would happen, and left the chamber.


	5. Cheese, Lots Of It!

"Ow, my head," Chell muttered, sitting up. She was in her bed in the living area. "What happened…?"

"You ate cake, got a sugar high, and crashed," Glados answered from below her on her own bed.

"I know," Chell said groggily, "What happened _after_ that?"

Glados shrugged, "The AI GLaDOS probably dumped you here." She began writing in her notebook, glancing at Chell occasionally.

"Why are you writing notes?" Chell asked exasperatedly, rubbing her temples.

"Because," Glados answered without looking up, "thanks to you, GLaDOS wants to test the effects of large amounts of sugar in humans," she paused, "and she's testing on _me._ So," she closed the notebook, "You two will be on your own."

"Really? Are we still on lockdown?" Chell asked, unable to hide her excitement.

"No, _but,_" Glados fixed her with a no-nonsense glare, "she will keep a very, _very _close eye on you." She, with her notebook, walked out the door and slammed it behind her to make her point.

Chell, grinning evilly, jumped down from her top bunk and slapped Wheatley, who was still sleeping on the bottom bunk.

"APPLESAUSE! No! What…?" he yelped, bolting upright. He rubbed his cheek and glared at her, "You know, there are_ gentler _ways to wake someone up!"

"Whatever," Chell said, rolling her eyes, "Listen, we're not locked in anymore, and human Glados isn't here!"

"REALLY?" Wheatley asked happily, jumping up, "This is bloody _brilliant_! We could, we could, we could… What could we do?"

Chell thought for a moment, and replied, "Well… We could play a few… pranks."

"On who?" Wheatley asked, grinning evilly himself.

"On GLaDOS, who else?" Chell answered casually, walking out the door, "She did try to kill me several times, after all. We could prank _both _of them!"

"Right. Of course," Wheatley said, following her.

They settled in the kitchen to think up a plan of attack.

"Alright, I've got a plan," Wheatley said after a moment of thinking.

Chell, even though she knew it would be ridiculous, nodded for him to go on.

"Okay, we need 20 pounds of brie cheese, a fishing rod, and a marmoset," he explained.

"Why do we need a marmoset?" Chell asked, rather confused.

"Because," he answered seriously, "_the marmoset is the reason the cheese won't go off_!"

"Go off?"

"Yes! As in _explode_!"

Wheatley made hand gestures to simulate exploding while grinning madly. Chell face palmed.

"What makes you think the cheese would explode if we don't have a marmoset?" she asked slowly.

"That's what the fact core said," Wheatley replied indignantly, "and he _is _the fact core so I thought…"

"The fact core is corrupted!" Chell explained, exasperated, "That's why we installed him to you!"

"Ohhh…"

Chell sighed. "Look, the Brie cheese won't explode on its own, marmoset or not," she explained, "but, the idea of a cheese bomb _is _appealing…"

"Those crap turrets explode when they try to fire," Wheatley pointed out, "If we tie some cheese onto it, drop it into her chamber, and tell it to fire away…"

"It'll explode and it would be cheese galore in there!" Chell finished excitedly.

They had a plan!

(A few hours later)

"Three hours, no sign of stopping," GLaDOS noted, watching her human version run in circles around her chamber, extremely high on sugar.

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAAA!" Glados laughed like a total maniac, "MUFFIIIIIIIINS!"

Out of the AI's sight behind a panel, Chell and Wheatley stood with a defective turret. The turret had a large chunk of Brie cheese tied to each side of it.

"So, uh… I just go out there and start shooting?" the turret asked uncertainly, "Do I even have bullets? I couldn't shoot before…"

"Uh, don't worry, we, um, installed them while we were tying on the cheese," Wheatley lied.

"If you can shoot that human," Chell instructed quietly, pointing out Glados, "Then GLaDOS won't think you're defective any more, and you can join the functional turrets."

"Alright! Fantastic!" the gullible turret replied, "But, uh, what's the cheese for?"

"Fashion," she answered off the top of her head. She turned to Wheatley, "When I say go, run out there with the turret, drop it, and run back here so we can get out of here!"

"Right," he responded. He picked up the turret and readied himself.

"Go!" she whispered. He ran out a little ways, set the turret down, and ran back to the panel.

"Alright! We did it! Let's-" he began, before he noticed that he was alone behind the panel. "Um, Chell?"

"It's my big chance!" GLaDOS turned at the sound of a defective turret's voice. Why was a defective turret in her chamber? _And why was it covered in cheese?_ "Time to show you how it's done!" Click, click, click! "Oh, crap…"

The turret caught fire, melting the cheese, and then exploded, sending Brie everywhere.

"Uh, Chellll?" Wheatley called in panic, looking around. She left him here! With _her_! Suddenly, the panel he was hiding behind slid away, exposing him.

"Oh, look, there you are," GLaDOS said icily, flicking melted cheese off her central core.

Wheatley muttered incoherently, trying to find a way to explain himself, when a mechanical arm grabbed him and yanked him into the air.

Chell laughed, watching from a safe distance as GLaDOS carefully explained the effects of neurotoxin to a pale, trembling Wheatley. Okay, after saving her life and letting her go, Chell let GLaDOS off the hook. The main one, at least. But Wheatley? Not even close!

"THAT WAS SO AWSOME! THERE'S CHEESE EVERYWHERE!" Glados yelled after GLaDOS threw Wheatley out of the chamber, jumping up and down beside GLaDOS's mainframe and surprisingly not covered with cheese, unlike her AI counterpart, "I know what we should do, we should test cheese, that's what we should do, test cheese!" she said quickly.

GLaDOS, not amused, lightly hit human Glados on the head with the mechanical arm. "Get a hold of yourself," she ordered. Glados, looking disappointed, continued to run laps around the chamber for another two hours before collapsing, much to AI GLaDOS's relief.

Meanwhile, Chell found Wheatley lying on the ground outside the door to GLaDOS's chamber, still pale and trembling.

"I don't wanna inhale neurotoxin, I don't wanna inhale neurotoxin…" he muttered over and over.

"Hey," she said casually.

"YOU!" Wheatley yelled, leaping up and shaking Chell by the shoulders, "HOW COULD YOU LEAVE ME THERE WITH HER? WHAT DID I DO TO YOU? YOU'RE SO HORRIBLE! I HATE YOU SO MUCH!" Before Chell could respond to this outburst, Wheatley suddenly changed from shaking her angrily to hugging her and weeping, "She-she was just so mean and-and you just l-left me! Don't ever leave me again; please don't ever leave me again! Please, please, please!"

"Alright, just _get off me!_" Chell growled, roughly pushing the traumatized Wheatley away. Wheatley stood there, still shaking and looking like a kicked puppy. Chell rolled her eyes. "Look, let's just go back to the living area," she said, turning and walking away. Wheatley slowly followed. _Who knows how long I'll have to put up with this, _she thought bitterly.

When they returned to the living area, Wheatley slunk off to bed. Glados was already in bed, clutching her head.

"So, did _you_ get any science done today?" Chell asked teasingly.

"I… I think so," Glados replied groggily, not moving, "Ten Aperture Science Sugar High Inducing Muffins, five hours straight of running at inhuman speeds…"

"Five hours? How much sugar is in those muffins?" Chell asked, slightly alarmed.

"About… I don't know," Glados replied, not thinking straight, "A lot…"

Chell, amused at how the two AIs who had tried to kill her several times were both out of commission due to a bunch of sugar and cheese, went to bed.


	6. Cats, Kitty Cats!

The next day, after everyone was recovered, GLaDOS decided it was time that they actually got something done. As a result, Glados and Chell were forced into Cooperative Testing. Because this was scientific testing, Glados got all no-nonsense and wouldn't allow any joking around. So, their testing was fast and smooth, making GLaDOS, for the first time in a long time, particularly the last five chapters, happy. Wheatley, however, had to help clean out the plants in other parts of the facility. By 'help', of course, we mean 'all by himself'. He was uprooting a fern when he heard a small sound and utterly freaked out.

"Oi, oi, oi!" Wheatley yelled, banging on the glass of the observation window that looked out into the test Chell and Glados were currently in.

"Make it quick, moron," Glados growled, still examining the test, "We have testing to do."

"Listen, there's, there's _something_ in the facility, in the overgrown parts, and I don't know what it is!" he called desperately, "Come on, it could be dangerous!"

"Don't listen to him," GLaDOS advised, "We have more important things to do."

Chell, who had no obligation to continue testing, portaled her way to the wall near the window. "Is there anyway we can get up there?" she called.

"Um, I don't think there is, unless you can-" Wheatley was interrupted when a cube suddenly flew up towards him and broke the glass, making him stumble back.

A portal appeared on the wall beside him and Chell stepped through. "Is that what you had in mind?" she asked innocently. He glared at her and brushed himself off as Glados appeared through the portal as well.

"This had better be important, moron," she threatened darkly.

"It-it is! I swear! I mean, it could be, but," he stopped rambling, turned, and ran down a hallway, calling, "Just follow me! It's back here!"

They ran nonstop for a good twenty minutes into the more unkempt areas of the facility until they stopped at the room that Wheatley had been working in.

"It's back there," he whispered nervously, pointing to a panel that was sticking out slightly. They could something small, grey, and fuzzy sticking out from behind it.

"It's just some sort of vermin," Glados said calmly, turning to leave, "It'll either die or go away once the facility is completely in order."

"Mew!" came a soft cry from behind the panel. Chell suddenly smiled, set her portal gun down, and walked toward the sound.

"Don't go near that thing!" Wheatley said fearfully. Ignoring him, Chell knelt beside the panel, slowly picked something up, and stood. She was holding a cat. A kitten, to be more precise. It was a small grey tabby with a white underbelly and paws and big, round, blue eyes. In short, it was the cutest thing that any of them had ever seen before.

Glados was shocked. She was expecting a rat, or a raccoon, or worse… a bird. There was another thing that shocked her more than that though. It was the way Chell was looking at it. Normally the test subject had a wild gleam in her eyes, but for once she looked… calm. Even Wheatley was calming down a bit. It was weird.

The kitty mewled fearfully, and yet cuddled closer. Wheatley cautiously reached out his hand as if to touch it. He glanced at Chell, who nodded, and he gently scratched the kitten behind the ears.

"It's so… It's so… cute," Wheatley muttered. Chell giggled at his dumbstruck face. Even Glados was walking closer, examining the others as she did so. It was so strange how calm and nonviolent they were, just because of a little, insignificant creature.

"Can we keep it?" Chell asked childishly. Under normal circumstances, Glados would say no instantaneously, but considering how nonviolent Chell and Wheatley were behaving, she wasn't so sure. What if this cat could help keep them under control?

"I guess we could ask AI GLaDOS," she answered uncertainly. She knew that if GLaDOS didn't see what she did, and said no, the cat would probably go into the incinerator. _Then_ what would she have to deal with?

In no time they were in the AI's chamber with their new companion.

"A _cat_?" GLaDOS asked in disbelief.

"Oh, come on!" Wheatley said, "we can take care of it just fine! You can get our food out of a plot hole, why can't you get cat food out of a plot hole?"

"And if it gets out?" GLaDOS pressed, ignoring the crack in the fourth wall that Wheatley just made, "I already have to deal with _you_, why should I want to deal with anything else?"

"We can keep the doors to the living area shut," Chell replied matter-of-factly, still holding the cat as it squirmed nervously.

Glados, to help in the situation, stepped closer to the AI and whispered, "Don't you see it? They're calmer around it. It would be easier to control them-"

"_Neurotoxin _has the same effect!" GLaDOS replied bitterly. She was still ticked off about the cheese bomb.

Suddenly, Chell spoke up, "Cats kill birds."

"Really? You can keep it!"

Wheatley and Chell high-fived and the kitten meowed in triumph. _Maybe human Glados has a point, _GLaDOS thought, _Perhaps it's safe enough to bring in more humans…_

"So, what should we name it?" Wheatley asked happily as they walked away from GLaDOS's chamber.

"Hmm…" Chell examined the cat for a moment, "It's a boy."

"Then we could name him Wheatley Junior!" he suggested jokingly.

"No way," Glados replied, smacking him. Even the cat meowed indignantly.

"GLaDOS said that neurotoxin has the same effect on us that this cat does," Chell pointed out randomly, "Not sure what she means by that." She smiled at the kitten. For once, it wasn't an evil smile.

"What do mean, are you saying we should name him _Neurotoxin_?" Wheatley laughed.

"_Neuro _sounds cool," Chell giggled. The kitten mewled in agreement.

"That's a weird name to give a cat," Glados muttered.

"We're _all _weird!" Chell pointed out, laughing, "In fact, we're probably insane!"

"Neuro it is then," Wheatley said, scratching newly named Neuro on the head.

When they returned to the living area, they made sure to shut all of the doors before preparing a bed for Neuro and giving him some tuna.

"I need to study the effects of animals on humans more often," Glados commented, writing notes while sitting at the table and watching Neuro wander around.

"He's just cute," Chell pointed out, "He reminds you of whatever innocence is left in this world."

"Innocence," Glados noted, writing it down for future reference. Suddenly Neuro jumped into her lap, demanding attention. She held her hand in front of his face and he pushed into it, mewling. Chell laughed at the look on Glados's face.

**A/N: Cats! I'm a kitty cat! And I dance, dance, dance, and I dance, dance, dance!**

**Anyway, this was a bit of a filler, and had a different atmosphere than the rest of the chapters. But, now we can add in more humans in the next chapter!**

**Also, sorry about the fourth wall breaking, if that bothers you. There could be more.**


	7. Rick Rolled

There is a massive explosion, and suddenly there's a gaping hole in the fourth wall.

"Oi, mates!" Wheatley calls from the other side as the dust clears, revealing him, Chell, and Glados.

"We'd like to thank our reviewers," Chell said.

"If it weren't for you, we'd probably still be at chapter four," Glados pointed out.

"Meow!" Neuro mewled from his perch on Wheatley's head.

"As for that guy who requested Chelly, I-" Chell began, before Glados put her hand over her mouth.

"We apologize for how uncharacteristically violent Chell is in this story," Glados said sweetly.

"Wait, what's 'Chelly'?" Wheatley asked, confused.

"Never mind," Chell answered, swiping away Glados's hand and walking away.

"Wait! Just tell me what it is!" Wheatley demanded, running after her.

Glados sighed, looking at the destruction of the fourth wall, "I'm going to have to clean this up by myself, aren't I?"

…

(Back in the fanfiction)

For a few days, the trio calmed down and stayed near the living area to tend to Neuro until he was used to his new environment. This was a relief for GLaDOS, since for the first time in a week she could go back to whatever she does when she doesn't have to worry about anyone rampaging in the facility. In this case, it was turning the other cores into humans. She was especially curious about their behavior, since they had been programmed to have one thing in mind, but as humans their personalities could be more flexible.

This also meant that the living area had to expand, since the group grew from three to ten. The small kitchen was replaced by a larger one that was separate from a dining room, which had a large table for ten. The bedroom was replaced by five rooms, each with a bunk bed, that were aligned in a row down a hallway that broke off from the dining room and also led to the bathroom. Basically, all that time Neuro spent exploring in the living area went to waste, but at least there was room for everyone.

As for the human cores' appearances, if you're familiar with forte-girl7 on Deviant ART, that makes the authoress's life easy. If you're not, she's not hard to find. I came up with human Glados and Wheatley's appearance before I heard about her, and now I don't want to think up appearances for the cores. So, there.

Anyway, of course things weren't perfect between the cores. Fact and Intelligence fought constantly, with Intelligence knowing everything there is to know about cake and recipes, and Fact, well, pulling facts out of the blue. Anger was always angry with everyone (no duh), and no one but Curiosity could stand to listen to Space ramble about space for hours on end. Not to mention that all of the females – Chell, Glados, Curiosity, and Morality – had trouble with Rick, the Adventure Sphere, or rather, the _Flirt _Sphere.

It was a good thing that, unlike as a core, Morality could speak as a human. For some reason, everyone, including Glados and Chell, listened to what she had to say and she could easily break up a fight. In a way, she became second in command to Glados.

A few days passed without any big disasters like the ones in the last six chapters. However, one day Morality wasn't around and Glados had to be the one to break up another fight between Fact and Intelligence. As irritating as it was, it did give her a chance to write down more on the changes in the cores. _Note: Fact and Intelligence expressing anger._ Afterwards, she was passing by the bathroom on her way to her room, which she shared with Morality, when she heard crying. Hmm… She hadn't heard crying in a long time, so she decided to figure out the cause.

In the bathroom, Glados found Curiosity sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall, with her hands covering her face, Morality kneeling beside her, and Chell leaning against the wall muttering, "This has gone far enough."

"What's going on?" Glados asked, examining Curiosity. _Note: Curiosity expressing sorrow._

"Rick was flirting with her," Chell explained coldly, "But she kept asking questions, until he finally snapped and said that the reason she keeps asking questions was because she couldn't remember anything."

_Note: Adventure expressing annoyance/anger._

"B-but I d-do r-rememb-ber what I-I'm t-told," Curiosity sobbed, "W-when someone ans-swers m-me…"

"We know, we know," Morality soothed. She looked up at Glados, "Have _you_ ever had any trouble with Rick's flirting?"

"Of course," she answered icily, "haven't we all?"

"Yeah," Chell said, getting off the wall and crossing her arms, "and it's gone far enough."

Glados raised her eyebrows, "What are you suggesting, Chell?" she asked curiously.

"I'm saying we get back at him!" Chell replied, the wild gleam returning to her eyes, "Teach him to not mess with us!"

Morality scowled as an evil smile spread across Glados's face. "Hold on!" she said in a commanding tone, standing up.

"It's not like we're going to _kill_ him," Chell pointed out calmly.

"It'll just be a little revenge," Glados went on, already heading out the door with Chell.

Morality sighed, knowing that she couldn't stop them. Instead she knelt back down with Curiosity.

(A few hours later)

"Hey, Rick!" Chell called. Rick turned to her and beamed.

"Hey there, pretty lady!" He replied flirtatiously. Before he could continue, something hard hit him in the head and his world went black.

(Some amount of time later)

"Owww… What happen'?" Rick asked groggily, sitting up. Or trying to, and failing, considering he was completely wrapped up in duct tape and couldn't move. Oh, and he was also trapped inside some sort of clear sphere, like a giant hamster ball.

"Good morning," he heard Glados say icily. Wiggling around, he saw Glados, Chell, and Curiosity standing nearby.

"What's goin' on here?" he demanded, getting scared by the looks of malice on their faces.

"So clueless," Chell said in a darkly amused voice, "Isn't there something that you should say to Curiosity?"

He glanced at Curiosity's tear streaked face. "Uh…"

Glados pointed behind him. "Why don't you see where you are?"

Wriggling around, he gasped as he realized he was in Lower Aperture. Even worse than that, there appeared to be some sort of propulsion gel covered ramp that led to an obstacle course that consisted of more propulsion gel, repulsion gel, aerial faith plates, and crushers that stretched as far as he could see.

He wriggled around to face the angry girls again. "Hey, chick!" he called, looking at Curiosity, "I'm sorry!"

"CHICK?" Curiosity replied threateningly, "My name… Is… CURIOSITYYYYY!" She yelled before kicking him down the course Sparta-style.

_Note: Curiosity expressing anger, and Adventure expressing fear, _Glados thought, writing that down as Rick rolled screaming through the course that went pretty far into Lower Aperture.

Morality ran up in time to see Rick roll through the course. She face palmed. "I knew that you would do something like this!" she fumed.

"What? It gives a new definition to the phrase 'Rick-Rolled'!" Chell laughed, high-fiving Curiosity.

Morality sighed heavily. "Let's just find him and return to the living area," she said, "Who knows what the other cores will do while I'm not around…"

An hour later, they found Rick at the end of the course, as traumatized as Wheatley was after the cheese bomb incident, and escorted him back.

Luckily, when they returned to the living area, it wasn't a total mess. The reason? Wheatley decided to introduce Neuro.

The cat was sitting on the table, locking eyes with Anger. Anger looked surprisingly calm as he stared at the cat, even reaching out to gently pet him. The other cores were gathered around the table, transfixed by the strange scene in front of them.

Morality sighed and even managed a faint smile. "Well, it looks to me that with his new companion, I won't have to follow Anger around to keep him calm," she said, shaking her head as Glados proceeded to write notes.

"Meooow!" Neuro jumped into Anger's lap. Shocked, he leaned back into his chair, looking like he wasn't sure if he should throw the cat down or keep petting him.

"Schrodinger's cat paradox outlines a situation in which a cat in a box-" Fact began.

"Shut up!" Anger said, whipping his head around to glare at the misled know-it-all.

"Meow!" Neuro said commandingly. Anger, though he huffed with rage, turned his attention back at the kitten.

"Why did Anger stay calm? What did that cat do? How did it do it? What's the cat's name? Where did it come from?" Curiosity questioned excitedly, thankfully back to her old self.

"That cat's calming powers are astounding," Glados commented, still writing notes.

"Yeah, if Neuro hadn't showed up, a fight would have broken out for sure," Wheatley commented, "Where've you, Chell, Curiosity and Morality been?"

"Oh, in Lower Aperture, teaching the Adventure Sphere a little lesson," Glados replied sweetly.

"What kind of lesson?" Wheatley asked suspiciously, "That lad looks pretty disturbed."

"I'll give you a hint," Chell said, somehow acquiring a CD player and plugging it into the wall.

Never gonna give you up!

Never gonna let you down!

Never gonna run around, and desert you!

Never gonna make you cry!

Never gonna say goodbye!

Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you!

**A/N: This one has a bit of a different atmosphere, like the last one. And no, I don't do romance, but there might be friendship between Chell and Wheatley (after Chell gets her revenge). Just no romance.**

**Wheatley: I'm still confused…**


	8. Quidditch

One week later, Wheatley had completely recovered from his anti-Twilight beating. It might have been because Chell had hit him too hard on the head with that crowbar, but for some reason Wheatley had no memory of the event.

Anyway, Glados, Wheatley, and Chell were sitting in the dining room of the living area.

"Hey, guys," Chell suddenly spoke up, "Remember those Harry Potter references in the previous chapter?"

Before anyone could respond, a hole was suddenly blown in the wall and some guy in a blue dress shirt with a 4 on the front, a blue baseball cap that also had a 4 on it, and tan pants stepped through.

"Stop whatever you're doing!" he yelled in a commanding voice.

"Who-who are you?" Wheatley asked nervously, hiding behind the table.

"I'm That One Guy," he answered calmly, "or TOG for short. Right now, I'm the Fourth Wall, and I need to ask you to please… stop… _breaking me_!"

"You're That One Guy who's the Fourth Wall?" Glados asked for clarification.

"Yep," he answered, "At least right now. Anyway, there could be some serious consequences if you continue to break the Fourth Wall."

"But we need to use at least a plot hole for this chapter," Chell protested.

"There's already a plot hole open in this fanfiction," he replied, "So you can do that. But, you have to stop mentioning chapters, talking to the readers, and whatever else you do that breaks the Fourth Wall. Am I clear?"

"Sir, yes sir!" The trio replied simultaneously with a mock salute.

"Alright then, I have to go lecture FeeptheNinja on the same thing."

Hoping that he had gotten through to them, TOG left through the hole, which magically sealed itself as if it had never opened.

(Rewind)

"Remember those Harry Potter references at the end of our camping trip?" Chell repeated.

"Calling them 'references' still kind of breaks the Fourth Wall," Glados pointed out, "But then again, I just broke the Fourth Wall by pointing that out. Anyway, what about them?"

"I think it would be fun if we had a Quidditch match," Chell suggested, "We can get brooms through the plot hole."

"You know, that does sound fun," Wheatley agreed.

"I have a bad feeling about this," Glados warned, but of course she was ignored.

In no time, they had acquired Firebolts and Quidditch balls from the Harry Potter universe, and the ability the ride the brooms came with them.

Allow me to go over the rules of Quidditch for those who aren't familiar with it. Obviously, the game is played high in the air on broomsticks. Normally, each team has 7 players, but since there are only 10 humans in this story (TOG hits the authoress) each team will only have 5 players. There will be one Seeker, one Keeper, one Beater, and two Chasers. There will be three balls, one Golden Snitch, one Quaffle, and one Bludger. The job of the Chasers is to obtain the Quaffle and throw it through one of the three of the opposing team's goal posts, which were basically hoops. Throwing the Quaffle through a hoop earns the team 10 points. It is the job of the Keeper to prevent the other team from getting the Quaffle through their team's hoops. The Bludger is a ball that basically tries to kill the players, so it is the job of the Beater to keep the Bludger away from their team and hit it toward the other team. They use Quidditch Bludger Bats to do this. It is the job of the Seeker to catch the Golden Snitch, which flies randomly around the field. Catching the Snitch earns the team 150 points, usually causing them to win the match. The match doesn't end until either the Snitch is caught or the team captains come to an agreement.

Here's how the teams are set up. One team consists of Glados (Seeker), Morality (Keeper), Anger (Beater), and Knowledge and Curiosity as Chasers. The other team consists of Wheatley, Space (both Chasers), Rick (Beater), Fact (Keeper), and Chell (Seeker). Since no one could come up with any appropriate team names, they simply went by their captain's name, so the teams were named Team Glados and Team Wheatley. The only reason Wheatley was allowed to be captain was due to the whole GLaDOS verses Wheatley thing that went on during Portal 2 (TOG once again appears and hits the authoress with a lead pipe). However, since Wheatley was designed to come up with bad ideas, Chell actually acted as leader.

To avoid extreme damage to the facility, GLaDOS set the stadium up on the surface. Why she agreed to let them do this, we may never know. She was probably hoping that some of them would get hurt and thus wouldn't be able to cause trouble for a while.

They players hovered on their brooms in a circle around a panel sticking out of the ground that held the balls. It threw the Quaffle in the air, the Snitch and the Bludger were released, and the match began.

Wheatley immediately caught the Quaffle and sped toward Team Glados's goal posts.

"Great, the moron has the ball," GLaDOS narrated. She had cameras all over the field, and had self-appointed herself as the referee and the announcer for the match.

Wheatley was distracted by her insult, allowing Knowledge to knock the ball out of his hand and toss it to Curiosity, who was waiting near Team Wheatley's goal posts. She caught it and flew over to the hoops, throwing it towards one. Fact missed it, muttering about G-forces, and Team Glados earned themselves 10 points.

"Predictably, Team Glados is already in the lead," GLaDOS reported. She was keeping score on a scoreboard like the ones seen in Muggle football games, except, you know, waaaaay more advanced and Aperture brand.

Space obtained the Quaffle. "SPAAAAAAAAACE!" he yelled, shooting through the air like a caffeinated bullet toward the other team's hoops. He threw it in, but it was blocked by Morality.

Curiosity grabbed the Quaffle, but had to dodge the Bludger, allowing Wheatley to steal it. Anger, well, angrily smacked it with his bat when it came back around, and it shot toward Wheatley.

"Whoa, What do you think you're doin'?" Rick said gleefully as he hit the Bludger away, "That sounded a lot cooler in my head…" he muttered.

Wheatley turned to look back at him. "Thanks, mate!" he called, just before he slammed into one of Team Glados's goal posts and fell off his broom. Morality, being Morality, flew down, and helped him back on his broom as Knowledge took the Quaffle.

"SPACE!" Space yelled, slamming into him and grabbing the Quaffle. He sped towards Team Glados's goal posts. Morality was still trying to make sure Wheatley was okay. Space passed the ball to Wheatley, who in turn threw it into the hoop.

"Team Wheatley finally manages to catch up," GLaDOS announced exasperatedly. In short, the two teams were tied ten to ten.

"Morality!" Glados called, flying up to her, "For _once_ you need to drop your moral! This is a rough game!"

Morality looked at her, sighed and gave a curt nod.

The two teams didn't stay tied. No, far from it. It ended up with Team Glados at 120 points and Team Wheatley at 50. Team Wheatley wasn't all that bad; they were just more easily distracted.

During this, Glados and Chell, as Seekers, had been circling the field in opposite directions, looking for the Snitch.

Chell eyed the field, and noticed a flicker of gold. She stopped her broom and looked closer. Yes, there it was, a small golden ball fluttering just underneath where the Chasers were playing, smack in the middle of the field. She immediately sped toward it.

Glados, who hadn't seen the Snitch, knew that Chell wouldn't suddenly dive into the middle of the field unless there was something important, which could only be the Snitch. She flew in toward her from the opposite end of the field.

Soon the two Seekers both had their eyes on their quarry and were riding shoulder-to-shoulder.

"Oh, it seems the Seekers have spotted the Golden Snitch," GLaDOS reported, "As we all know, whomever catches the Snitch now wins the game, and we can all return to more important business."

The Chasers, Keepers and the Beaters stopped what they were doing. It didn't matter what the Chasers and the Keepers did, since there was no way they could get 160 points ahead of their opponent before the Snitch was caught, and all the Beaters could do was keep the Bludger away.

In fact, as the Seekers chased on, occasionally bumping each other, the Bludger gave chase. Anger and Rick began to follow them. It didn't matter what direction the Bludger was hit towards, or who did it, the result would be the same. It all came down to who caught the Snitch. Begin listening to the song 'The Final Countdown' as you read this while I dodge the bomb That One Guy is throwing at me.

However, no one could stop it when the Snitch flew right into the shack and down into Aperture Laboratories, forcing Glados, Chell, and unfortunately the Bludger and the Beaters to follow it.

"WHAT THE-" GLaDOS yelled when Glados and Chell flew into her chamber, followed by the Bludger. The Seekers followed the Snitch out of the room, but the Bludger slammed right into the AI's mainframe, making her shriek in pain.

"Sorry!" Knowledge and Anger both yelled unhelpfully as they pursued the Bludger. The rabid ball rammed into the walls a few times, but resumed following the Seekers out of the room. The Beaters weren't sure what they would do when they finally caught up to it; it would cause destruction no matter where they hit it, but they still had to keep it away from Glados and Chell.

The Seekers kept up the chase after the Snitch, knowing that there was probably mass chaos going on behind them. They were right.

"Well," Glados said calmly as they continued the chase, "We'll probably never have another Quidditch match after this."

"Are you disappointed too?" Chell asked, once again ramming into Glados.

"A little," Glados answered, ramming her back.

As they maneuvered through the maze of Aperture, Chell finally got ahead after Glados rammed into a vertical Hard Light Bridge. She picked up speed until she was just behind the Golden Snitch. Dramatically, she reached out, missed it once just for effect, and finally grabbed it.

Even though they pretty much sucked, Team Wheatley won Aperture Laboratories First and Last Quidditch match. After the damage done by the Bludger, however, no one, especially not GLaDOS, cared at all.

"Grr…" GLaDOS growled in irritation. The Bludger had ripped out a chunk of machinery when it hit. Nothing important other than moving parts, but hey, even the most sadistic, psychotic, homicidal AIs can feel pain.

"And that," said TOG, randomly appearing out of no where, "is for repeatedly breaking the Fourth Wall even after I told you not to."

"Wait, _you _did this?" Chell asked suspiciously. Everyone had gathered in GLaDOS's chamber for a lecture on sports.

"Yep, rigged both the Snitch and the Bludger!" That One Guy replied proudly.

"Chell," GLaDOS said in a dark tone, "I don't say things like this often, but you may take a crowbar and do _whatever _you want to him."

Chell smiled happily.


	9. Killer Companion Cube

**A/N: Ah, lucky chapter 13. I would like to point out that this is, in a way, the halfway point of this fanfiction. I'm aiming to have 25 chapters, and for the final chapter there will be a big party. Although, after that, if I spontaneously have an idea I'll probably write it. For example, when Halloween and Christmas come along there will probably be some holiday specials.**

Things kind of slowed down after the Quidditch match. Chell and Wheatley decided to play Portal 2 Co-op again, but things went no better than last time.

Their argument escalated until Chell picked up a random storage cube and threw it at Wheatley. He fell to the ground.

"Oh, that's how you want to play, huh?" Wheatley growled with anger uncharacteristic for him. He picked up a random Long Fall Boot and threw it at her, "Well, how about a BOOT TO THE HEAD?"

It barely grazed the top of Chell's head. "You did _not _just do that," she hissed menacingly, grabbing a crowbar and coming closer to him. Where do they keep getting all these weapons?

Wheatley scooted away, getting to his feet. "Oi oi, wh-why don't we just talk about this?"

Chell slapped the crowbar repeatedly against her hand. "Alright," she said calmly as Wheatley scrambled onto the couch, "Let's talk."

"We- we can just talk about everything that's going on here-" he said. Chell turned her back for a moment as Wheatley grabbed a cardboard box that was open on both the top and the bottom. "AH HA!" he yelled as he threw it over her head. It harmlessly slipped down and she shrugged out of it. "Okay," he said nervously, "That didn't exactly go to plan."

Chell stepped out of the box and raised the crowbar.

"You still have the crowbar," Wheatley observed.

"Yep," she replied, hitting him with it.

Calm down, Wheatley fans, she hit him on the shoulder, not the head. Wheatley is enough of a moron already.

"You know what?" he said, standing up and rubbing his shoulder, "I'm going to ask Glados for a room change." He and Chell were roommates.

"Fine," she answered, dropping the crowbar and walking away.

"Fine!" Wheatley repeated childishly.

Because of this, Wheatley and Curiosity switched places, so now Wheatley had to room with Space.

...

Afterwards, Chell was sitting in the living area's dining room when Glados walked in.

"What happened between you and the moron?" Glados asked casually.

Chell sighed in exasperation. "Why do you care?"

"I don't," Glados answered, sitting down across from her, "Except that you're the only one who can stand to be around him long enough to keep him from doing overly moronic things."

"Can't you have someone else babysit him?" Chell asked irritably.

"No one else can!" Glados replied, glaring at her.

…

Meanwhile, Wheatley was sitting on the floor outside his new room. Morality walked by and noticed that he didn't normally look so gloomy.

"What's wrong, Wheatley?" Morality asked, sitting across from him.

"Nothin'," he answered without looking up.

"I know that something's wrong," Morality pressed.

(A few minutes later)

"-And then she said that I had to be Orange and I said that I didn't want to be Orange because GLaDOS is always mad at Orange and she said that GLaDOS is always mad at me anyways and and and I said that I wanted to be Blue because my optic was blue as a core and she said, and she said," Wheatley poured out while Morality patted his back, only half listening.

…

Glados was in the kitchen, looking through the pantry for some reason. She heard movement behind her, and turned. There was no one else in the room, just the Companion Cube on the counter. Wait… Was that there before? She thought Chell just kept that in her room.

Glados shrugged and turned away again. Once again there was the sound of shuffling, and she looked back. That's when it hit her.

…

Chell had been testing with GLaDOS (yes, she still had to do that sometimes), and returned to the living area pressing an ice pack to her head. GLaDOS kept denying it, but for some reason the AI had decided to throw the burnt Companion Cube at her head.

She went into the kitchen to grab a drink, but halted when she saw Glados leaning over the counter, also pressing an ice pack to her head.

"So, what happened to you?" Chell asked casually.

"It… stabbed me," Glados said, not looking at her.

"What did?"

"The Companion Cube…"

Chell laughed. "_You're _the one who said that it would never threaten to stab you!"

"That's exactly right," Glados replied, looking disturbed, "It didn't threaten to, it just did."

Chell took the ice pack off her head. "You know, during testing the Companion Cube randomly hit me in the head. GLaDOS, the AI, said she didn't do it, but…"

"She didn't," Glados said, "I feel like I need to tell you something about that particular cube, but since not everything was put into this human body, you'll have to ask the AI."

"Oh sure, like I would go up to_ her_ and say, 'hey, me and human Glados have been attacked by the Companion Cube, is there anything we should know?' _That _would be amusing," Chell said sarcastically.

"AHHHHH!" They heard Curiosity scream, followed by a loud thump.

They ran into the hallway leading to the rooms to find Curiosity lying on the ground with the Companion Cube nearby. Glados leaned over her and found that she was unconscious with a sizable bump on her head.

"Umm, alright," Chell said nervously, picking up the cube, "Let's talk to GLaDOS."

…

Of all the things that GLaDOS expected her test subjects to ask her, she never expected this.

"You two, as well as Curiosity, have been attacked… By the Companion Cube?" she asked for clarification.

"Yes, unless _you've _been throwing cubes around," Chell replied, eyeing the cube that was sitting on the floor between them and the AI.

"I haven't," GLaDOS stated.

"I know that there was something about this cube that wasn't included in my memory," Glados pointed out. AI GLaDOS's optic turned to face her.

"You're right," she answered calmly, "Now get out of the chamber."

Human Glados tensed. She and GLaDOS were basically the same; Glados was just a copy that was put into a human body for testing. It felt odd that her AI counterpart would keep a secret from her. Nonetheless, even though they were the same, she still had to listen to the AI and left.

"What's so important that you're keeping it from her?" Chell asked, also confused.

"I'm not keeping it from her," GLaDOS replied, "I'm just choosing not to tell her at the same time I tell you. It's a safety measure, really."

The AI glanced at the cube before explaining, "When Caroline was put into me, the procedure killed her. Aperture was low on money at the time, so they cremated the body, and as for the ashes…" A mechanical arm came down and pressed on one of the hearts on the cube. There was a click, and the top opened up, revealing the inside to be just as covered in ashes as the outside.

"They put her in a _box_?" Chell yelled, appalled.

"Cube, technically. They didn't want to spend money on a jar, so they put her in a cube," GLaDOS explained, "Which might have a _very _minor chance of having something to do with this."

"Are you saying that the cube is freaking _possessed_?" Chell continued to yell.

"That theory goes up against the science that I stand for-" GLaDOS defended, glancing back at the Companion Cube, only to find that it wasn't there. "Wait, where's the cube?"

They both looked around. It was nowhere in the room, but no one had moved it.

"Okay, we've got to find that cube," Chell said seriously.

"Knowing how Caroline felt, that cube could become very dangerous," GLaDOS advised as Chell ran towards the door, not sure why she was going along with this, "But there is one Aperture scientist still alive in the Enrichment Centre who might know what to do. His name is Doug Rattman. Human Glados knows about him."

…

Wheatley walked past the stairs that led from the living area to the rest of the facility, upon which the Companion Cube sat. He looked back, and noticed that there was nothing on the stairs. He shrugged, and kept walking.

He went into the kitchen, walking past the Companion Cube that sat on the counter. He looked back again, and again nothing was there. Wheatley once again assumed it was his imagination and went to bed. You could never tell in the Enrichment Centre, but it was late at night.

"The Companion Cube is a box, so I guess it can't really move around," he muttered to himself, lying on his bed in the room he now shared with Space, who was muttering about space in his sleep. "It might be because I eat whipped cream every night before bed. I don't know, but maybe that's not good for me. What do you think?" he asked his turret plushie. "Oh, you never say anything. Ah, well, it'll be gone tomorrow."

He rolled over and closed his eyes. Not to long after, he heard movement and opened them again, only to see the Companion Cube peeking at him from under his bed. It almost seemed to be glaring at him. Wheatley screamed like a little girl, threw his plushie at it, and ran. This didn't disturb Space for some reason.

Chell and Glados, who were searching for the rabid cube in the living area, heard his scream and came running. He met them in the hallway, hyperventilating.

"I was, I was sleeping and and and I saw the Companion Cube, and and and it looked really really scary, so, so I threw my turret plushie at it and-" Wheatley explained fearfully until Chell stopped him.

"The Companion Cube attacked you?" Chell asked, trying to stay calm.

"Yes, it's in my room with Space!"

The three ran down the hallway and into the room to find that the cube was still in there.

"Alright, let's take it to that guy," Chell said, grabbing the cube.

"What guy?" Wheatley asked, still panicking.

"There's this scientist who managed to stay alive here by going in and out of cryogenic sleep," Glados explained, even though Wheatley wasn't exactly listening.

They headed into the older parts of the facility until they came upon one of the Rat Dens, as they were called, where they found an odd-looking scientist guy. He had long, extremely messy black hair and a tattered lab coat.

"Listen," Glados whispered to them before the man noticed them, "This guy is _crazy_. He has schizophrenia, and had once studied paranormal activities. But, he was close to Caroline, which is why he could help us."

The man turned and noticed them. "NOOO! IT'S THE NINJAS! THEY'VE COME TO TAKE ME AWAY, HA HA! PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN!" he yelled.

"No," Glados explained calmly, "We're not the ninjas or the pirates, and we haven't come to take you away. We just need to ask you something."

"It has to do with Caroline," Chell explained further.

"Caroline?" he asked, and they all nodded. "Get in here. A dangerous AI has recently been put in charge. She'll kill ya if she gets the chance."

They glanced at each other and followed him into the den.

"Be careful around those, they gotta nasty bite," he explained, pointing to an empty corner. "Now, what's this about Caroline?"

"Her ashes were put into this Companion Cube, and we think it's possessed," Chell explained.

"Ah, a possession, I know how to get rid of that," the guy said. He took the cube and examined it. He then opened it, took it outside of the den, shook it upside down, and sprayed something in it.

"I'm, uh, no expert on paranormal stuff," Wheatley said, "but it looked to me like he just dumped the ashes out and sprayed air freshener in the cube."

The man threw the cube back to Chell. "There! Bad demons gone!" he said happily.

Chell looked inside the cube. "You _did_ just dump Caroline's ashes out and spray the box with air freshener!"

"No, no, that was special paranormal repellant," the guy explained. He pointed to the label on the bottle, "See? 'Fabreze'!"

"Ugh, let's just get out of here," Chell said exasperatedly, grabbing the cube and walking away.

…

The trio sat in the dining room of the living area with the cube on the table.

"Well, Rattman wasn't any help, and on the way back here the Companion Cube once again tried to kill us," Glados reported.

"I think we all know what this has come down to," Chell said seriously.

"Really? What?" Wheatley asked.

"We must destroy the Companion Cube."

There was silence.

"But we've already figured out that the incinerator doesn't work on this cube," Wheatley pointed out.

"We'll go to the Central AI Chamber and have GLaDOS crush it with a spike plate or something," Chell said, "Should we say anything to her before we kill her?"

"Yeah, you obviously didn't have much effect on GLaDOS," Wheatley retorted, "She's still mean!"

"That is not appropriate!" Glados stated, glaring at the moron.

…

Glados filmed it with the handheld camera as GLaDOS prepared to crush the Companion Cube with a spike plate. For some reason, the AI had seemed happy to do it, and the song 'Diary of Jane' was playing in the background.

Chell and Wheatley stood back as the plate came down hard, shaking the chamber on impact. It rose up again to reveal… that even though GLaDOS had spot-on aim, the Companion Cube had somehow managed to dodge. Chell looked at the camera with a 'what?' expression. The plate came down again, only to yield the same result.

Finally, the plate slammed into the ground, then chased the cube until it was able to crush it against the wall. The music stopped abruptly.

"That worked," Wheatley said, giggling for some reason.

Glados brought the camera over to observe the damage. The burned cube was in pieces, with only one side that was still more or less whole that looked like an angry face was drawn in the ashes.

"And she's still angry at us!" Chell said, looking at the face and also laughing.

"For the record, I'm still not convinced that this was something paranormal," GLaDOS said stubbornly, "Such things have never been proved by science."

She was ignored.


	10. Canada Day

**Chapter 14 prologue (aka was meant to be in Chapter 13 but I forgot):**

"For the record, I'm still not convinced that this was something paranormal," GLaDOS said stubbornly, "Such things have never been proved by science."

She was ignored.

However, there was an explosion and a hole was blasted out of the wall in the chamber. That One Guy did a ninja flip through the hole and landed in a pose.

"Oi, That One Guy!" Wheatley greeted.

"You're right, that wasn't paranormal," TOG told GLaDOS, ignoring Wheatley, "That happened because _you guys_," he glared at Chell, Wheatley, and Glados, "keep breaking the Fourth Wall!"

"So, this was because of _you_?" Chell accused, somehow obtaining a crowbar again.

"Uh, no, no," TOG protested, backing up, "That happened because this entire fanfiction is going corrupt do to Fourth Wall breaking!"

"Doubt it!" Chell said, charging at him.

Everyone else grabbed some popcorn and stepped back.

Now to Chapter 14.

**A/N: If any of you are American, you all know that it's well over a week after Independence Day. And yet, I still want to do something about it. Okay, not really. **

Apparently, GLaDOS had put ATLAS and P-body into human bodies as well, but no one had seen them yet, so they all assumed that they were still testing. Glados, Chell, Wheatley, Curiosity, and Space were all in the dining room of the living area and chatting idly.

"Oi, guys?" Wheatley suddenly spoke up, "Does anyone else feel like something's… off?"

"Yeah," Chell answered, "It's almost like there's another, I don't know, presence in here."

"With the three of us, Curiosity, and Space, there should only be five of us, but I counted _six _people in the room," Glados pointed out.

"What? But, who else is in here with us?" Curiosity asked nervously.

"Space?" Space suggested hopefully.

"No, Space, space isn't in here," Chell said, much to Space's dismay.

As they continued to talk, a girl sat in the corner with Neuro, the cat, watching them. She wore the same Test Subject's uniform that Chell wore, and had short brown hair and orange eyes.

"I'm right here," she said in a soft whispery voice, "I wonder when they'll notice me…?"

"Meow?" Neuro asked. Translation: "Who are you?"

"I'm P-body!" she answered for the umpteenth time.

They continued to talk idly, and P-body went unnoticed.

…

A while after that, Glados left her room and saw P-body walking down the hallway from behind. At a glance, Glados only paid attention to the fact that she was wearing a Test Subjects uniform, and immediately assumed she was Chell.

"Hey, Chell," Glados called, "I wanted to ask you-"

P-body tensed and turned around. "I-I'm sorry, but I'm not Chell," she explained nervously.

"W-what? But-" Glados stammered. She'd never made this sort of mistake before.

"Sure, we both wear Test Subject uniforms, but even when I was a robot you-" P-body began to explain.

"Glados!" the real Chell called, coming up from behind Glados, "That's _P-body_!" she corrected. Earlier, P-body managed to catch her attention and they talked for a minute.

"Oh, right," Glados said, regaining her composure, "I recognize you now."

"Just… Try to remember," P-body pressed.

"All test subjects look the same to you, don't they?" Chell cut in, drawing all attention away from P-body, "You _did_ just call me 'subject name here' for the longest time."

"Are you implying that I'm unobservant with my test subjects?" Glados accused angrily.

"Do I even _need _to imply it?" Chell countered.

They of course began to argue, and P-body was once again completely ignored.

_Those stupid hosers, _P-body thought frustratedly, _They act like I'm not even here… Maybe I'm not that noticeable or good at testing, but today… today I'll give them a what-for!_

P-body gasped, preparing to yell. However, all she could get out was, "Oh, you guys…"

"Anyway, P-body," Glados said, abruptly ending her argument with Chell, "I am sorry about the mix-up."

_I can't think of anything to say back, _P-body thought helplessly, since she knew Glados's apologies are never entirely sincere. So, she just smiled and walked away.

…

P-body sighed, sitting on her bed in the room GLaDOS added on for her and ATLAS. Speaking of him, she hadn't seen him all day…

"Hey, Neuro?" she asked the cat that was curled up beside her, "Why can't anyone remember who I am?"

The cat purred and rubbed up against her. "Meow?" Translation: "Who are you?"

"I'm P-body!" she answered yet again.

The cat jumped down from the bed. "Meow, mew mew, meow meow," he said. Translation: "It's hard to tell who you are." "Meow meow, mew mew meow," he went on. Translation: "You need to look more like yourself."

"That's a great idea!" P-body said, her voice slightly louder than usual, "I'll just change my appearance so that it's absolutely unmistakable who I am!"

When you play Portal 2 co-op, and look on P-body's back, you'll see that there's a label that says that her frame type is 'P', hence 'P-body'. P-body decided to take a smaller version of that label and stuck it on her forehead. She then ran off to find ATLAS.

"And that's why I ended up putting my frame type label on my forehead!" P-body excitedly told ATLAS.

"Yep, you… sure did," he replied, trying not to laugh.

ATLAS has messy black hair, is shorter than P-body, and, well, rounder. He also wore the same Test Subject's uniform.

"Now everyone will know who I- AGH!" P-body began when ATLAS suddenly palmed her in the forehead.

After a minute, she got back up and looked around in confusion.

"That's weird… Did something just happen to me?" she asked.

ATLAS laughed. "Oh, nothing, nothing!" he said.

P-body's label was covered by a blue sticker that read 'Property of ATLAS'.

**A/N: If you knew what I was referencing throughout the chapter, you'd know that P-body was the resident Canadian. **

**Make pasta, not war!**


	11. Stupid Portal Spoof

**A/N: About the 'zed' and 'zee' thing, she was talking about the letter 'Z'. Canadians call it 'zed' while Americans call it 'zee'.**

**More importantly, this will probably be the stupidest thing I have ever written and the stupidest thing you will ever read. I have no idea where I got the idea to do a spoof of Portal 2, but here it is. **

"Okay, _why _are we doing a spoof of our lives?" Glados asked in agitation.

"Boredom?" Chell suggested, shrugging, "And the fact that we have a handheld camera and nothing else to do with it."

"Let's… just get started," Wheatley said, turning the camera on.

…

Chell woke up in what appeared to be a hotel room. Suddenly, Wheatley jumped into the room.

"Hello, random person!" he greeted.

"Um… hi?" Chell replied.

"Okay, this place is pretty much about to explode, so we should get out of here," Wheatley reported calmly.

They then ran out the door and down the hall.

…

"There's something I have to tell you," Wheatley said seriously as they walked down a hallway, "In order to escape, we'll have to go through," the camera zoomed in on his serious face, "Candy Mountain!"

"Candy Mountain?" Chell asked skeptically.

"Yes. Candy Mountain," he replied. Suddenly his voice went extremely high-pitched, "It's gonna be an adventure! We're going on an _adventure_!"

"ADVENTURE!" Rick randomly yelled in the background.

They continued down the hall until they came to a door. Over it was a sign that said, 'Central AI Chamber'.

"Wheatley, I think that's the Central AI Chamber," Chell pointed out, reading the sign.

"Nope, that's Candy Mountain," he replied.

Suddenly, Morality, Curiosity, Knowledge, and Anger ran out the room and began to dance around while a song played:

"Oh, when you're down and looking for some cheering up

Then just head right on up to the candy mountain cave

When you get inside you'll find yourself a cheery land

Such a happy and joy filled and perky merry land

They've got lollipops and gummy drops and candy things

Oh, so many things that will brighten up your day

It's impossible to wear a frown in candy town

It's the mecca of love the candy cave

They've got jellybeans and coconuts with little hats

Candy rats, chocolate bats, its a wonderland of sweets

Ride the candy train to town and hear the candy band

Candy bells; it's a treat, as they march across the land

Cherry ribbons stream across the sky and to the ground

Turn around, it astounds, it's a dancing candy tree

In the candy cave imagination runs so free

So now Chell and Wheatley please go into the cave?"

Suddenly there was the sound of an explosion and the area shook.

"WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT?" Chell demanded.

"We blew up!" Curiosity happily replied.

"Well, I guess we should, uh, go in," Wheatley stated with a hint of nervousness.

"Goodbye Wheatley! Goodbye Chell!" the cores began to chant, herding the two into the room.

"What? No! What if _she's _in there?" Wheatley began to protest, trying to fight off the cores.

They were forced into the room and the door closed. It was a wide-open room with random objects scattered around.

"This isn't exactly the 'Central AI Chamber'," Chell pointed out, "It's just a room full of a bunch of random crap."

"Well, the real AI GLaDOS wants nothing to do with this spoof, so we had to compromise," Wheatley said, shrugging. He took a few steps and tripped over something, which turned out to be Glados, who was lying on the ground and looking dead.

"Ow…" Glados moaned softly.

"Hey, look, a random person!" Wheatley said, pointing. Glados stood up.

"Hi, random person!" Chell greeted. Glados glared at her. "Oh, it's you."

Glados picked up a random cube and threw it at her. "That's _my _line!" she corrected.

There was silence for a moment.

"Well, if it's your line, then say it!" Wheatley said exasperatedly.

"Oh, it's you," Glados said.

There was another awkward silence.

"Anyway, we didn't exactly think this scene through, so-" Glados picked up a crowbar and hit Wheatley on the head, knocking him out. She then grabbed Chell's arm and yanked her over to the incinerator opening thing that for the sake of this spoof didn't actually lead to the incinerator and threw her into it.

…

"AHHHHHHHhhhhhh…!"

Chell fell through the ceiling (portal, technically, but whatever) and onto the floor in… some area in the Enrichment Centre. Glados suddenly jumped in out of nowhere.

"WHA- HOW DID YOU GET HERE?" Chell yelled, startled.

"Magic," Glados replied calmly, "Anyway, the test chambers are that way." She pointed in a random direction.

"Ooookay," Chell said, wandering off in that direction with Glados following her.

…

"Poke, poke, poke…"

"Would you stop poking me?"

Glados snickered and kept poking.

"POKEPOKEPOKEPOKEPOKE!"

They were still heading toward the test chambers. Actually, they weren't heading anywhere at all, but whatever.

"Since you actually can't use the speaker system, are you just going to follow me around?" Chell growled in exasperation.

"Yes," Glados replied calmly.

…

"You know, those test chambers were kind of failures," Chell commented.

"…To be honest, they were," Glados agreed.

They were hanging out in a random test chamber.

"They were really just a bunch of scenes of me running around random places with you following and Wheatley occasionally watching," Chell went on, "And with 'I'll Make a Man Out of You' playing."

Suddenly the power went off.

"Great," Glados muttered, pulling out a laptop that apparently controlled the facility.

"Hey, buddy!" Wheatley called out in a bad American accent, randomly appearing behind them, "I'm speaking in an accent that's beyond her range of hearing!"

"Did you hear something?" Chell asked casually.

"No," Glados replied, continuing to type or whatever she was doing on her laptop.

"No, it's not meant to be beyond _your _sense of hearing!" Wheatley protested in his accent, talking to Chell.

"I swear there is some sort of annoying buzzing going on," Chell commented, looking around.

"It's probably just the electricity acting up," Glados reasoned calmly.

"OI!" Wheatley yelled in his usual British accent.

"Wheatley!" they both yelled, Glados in an agitated tone and Chell in a… slightly less agitated tone.

"Hi," he replied a little irritably, "Okay, um, look, it's time to escape," he told Chell.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Glados interrupted, "No one's going anywhere."

There was an awkward silence.

"Hey, look, science!" Chell said, pointing.

Glados looked and the other two ran in the opposite direction. After a moment she noticed and gave chase.

The camera zoomed in on Chell's face. "I sense a chase montage," she said seriously. The camera zoomed out, revealing Wheatley standing beside her in a very stupid pose with his hands on his hips and his mouth wide open in a retarded grin. Glados stood behind them with a creepy look on her face. The other two turned, saw her, screamed, and ran.

A sped up scene of them running wild throughout the Enrichment Centre with upbeat background music proceeded.

Somehow Wheatley and Chell managed to get away from Glados. They disrupted the turret production and shut off the neurotoxin, yadda, yadda, yadda, they had no idea how they would spoof that. They went through the tube thing screaming, were separated, and so forth.

…

Chell ended up in some random area. Glados snuck up behind her and aimed a laser pointer at the wall.

"What's _that_?" Chell questioned out loud, sounding a lot like the Curiosity Core. She proceeded to try to catch the small red dot made by the laser pointer.

Amused, Glados pointed the laser in the direction of Candy Mount- err, the compromised AI Chamber. Chell chased it all the way there with Glados close behind.

"Wait a minute…" Chell said, looking around the room in confusion, "This is Candy Mountain, err, the Central AI Chamber, err, whatever we call the room where Glados sits and emos all day!"

Glados, turning off the laser pointer and locking the door to the room, decided to ignore that last comment and chuckled darkly.

"I honestly, _truly _didn't think you'd fall for that," she commented sadistically, "If I knew you'd let yourself get captured so easily, I would have just dangled a turkey leg from a rope on the ceiling."

"No, that wouldn't have worked," Chell replied, completely unfazed by the situation.

"What?"

"I don't like turkey."

Glados face palmed, sighing. "A cookie, then."

Chell thought for a moment. "Yeah, that would have worked."

Another face palm.

"On a more serious note, goodbye," Glados said. She picked up a turret (which happened to be defective) and placing it in front of Chell.

"We're back, and as nonlethal as ever!" the turret announced, pointing its laser at her and making clicking sounds.

"That didn't exactly go to plan," Glados commented calmly, eyeing the turret, "Uh, ALTERNATE USE OF THE WEAPON!"

She picked up the turret and threw it at Chell.

"NOOO! THIS IS NOTHING LIKE REHERSAL!" the turret yelled, hitting her in the face.

"Now, to finish you off with the neurotoxin," Glados said sadistically as Chell stood back up. She glanced around at the piles of crap that were still in the room. "Wait, where is the neurotoxin?"

"AHHHH! GLOOOOMP!" Wheatley screamed, suddenly appearing and glomping Chell. For those of you who don't know what a glomp is, it's a cross between a tackle and a hug.

"What the-? GET OFF ME!" Chell yelled, kicking him off.

Wheatley, panting after getting a hard kick to the stomach (and the face), turned to Glados and said, "Uh, as a heads up, while we were escaping we were kind of, uh, singing and screaming and there's a very slight chance that we may have infuriated the real AI GLaDOS…"

Suddenly a spike plate slammed into the ground in front of them, and they screamed and jumped back.

"A very slight chance? You think?" Chell asked sarcastically as the spike plate slowly lifted itself back up again, leaving a rectangular crater in the floor.

"So, what now?" Wheatley asked absentmindedly.

*Cough*coretransfer*cough*

"Oh, the core transfer!" he remembered happily.

Chell dug a Staples Easy Button out of a pile of junk.

"IT'S THE STALEMATE BUTTON!" The former AIs yelled, pointing at it dramatically.

"That was easy," the button commented when Chell pressed it.

And thus the core transfer began.

To do this, Glados and Wheatley had to do the fusion dance. If you don't know what that is, just look up something like 'cosplay fusion dance' on YouTube or something.

"FUUU… SION… HA!" Glados and Wheatley suddenly switched places.

(A few minutes of not-so-idle talking later)

"I… AM NOT… A SPARKELING… VAMPIRE!" Wheatley yelled, much to the confusion of everyone else in the room, while he pushed Glados and Chell into a random hole that appeared in the ground.

…

Glados and Chell stumbled out of a broom closet, knocking several cleaning supplies over in the process, into a concrete room that apparently simulated Lower Aperture.

They took a few steps forward when Rick, dressed up as a ninja, jumped in front of them.

"I-AM-A _NINJA_!" he proclaimed, doing a bunch of martial arts moves, "I-AM-HERE-TO-TELL-YOU-THAT-DUE-TO-TIME-RESTRAINTS-YOU-WILL-BE SENT-BACK-UP _IMMEDIATLEY_!"

He then leapt in a random direction and disappeared as an elevator on the other side of the room opened.

They took a few more steps toward the elevator when they were stopped yet again, this time by Space.

"Hi, I'm a Pokémon!" Space claimed happily.

"Okaaaaay," Glados commented, walking around him.

"Catch me! Catch me! Gotta catch 'em all! SPACE!" Space yelped, jumping in circles around Chell. She just patted him on the head. "Yay, I'm caught! I'm a Pokémon!"

Space followed them into the elevator and they went back up.

…

"I have an idea on how to kill Wheatley," Glados said as the left the elevator.

"Oh, do tell!" Chell pressed excitedly.

However, they were interrupted when they encountered Anger, who had a cube taped to his back.

"Hey, look, it's a Pokémon!" Space said happily, jumping up and down.

"I'm not a Pokémon! I'm a Frakenturret!" Anger proclaimed.

"Frankenturret? Aren't you a humanized core with a cube stuck on your back?" Chell questioned, "Shouldn't you be a Frankencore?"

"Are you discriminating against Frakenturrets just because we're not turrets or cubes? I shall fight you!" Anger yelled, striking a fighting pose.

"Go, Space!" Glados ordered.

"SPAAAAAACE!" Space yelled, springing into action.

Unknown Voice: Wild Frankenturret appeared! Go, Space! Wild Frankenturret used Rapid Spin!

Anger spun around clumsily and bumped into Space.

Unknown Voice: Space used Tackle!

Space charged Anger and tackled him.

Unknown Voice: Wild Frankenturret fainted! Space gained Pi experience points! Space leveled up!

Afterwards, Chell, Glados, and Space continued down the hallway towards The Room Full of Crap where Wheatley was.

…

(Meanwhile)

Wheatley paced in his new lair.

"It's like there's something that's hardwired into this mainframe," Wheatley pondered, before looking down at his human self. "Err, hardwired into the mainframe that I'm figuratively hooked up to. It makes want to just… constantly… emo in the corner."

And he did just that while Glados and Chell were in Lower Aperture. _Figuratively _in Lower Aperture.

…

"Well, well, well, welcome TO MY LAIR!" Wheatley said dramatically when Glados and Chell walked into The Room Full of Crap.

"Alright, Glados, what's your plan on killing him?" Chell asked.

"_This_," Glados said menacingly, pulling out a Wii remote. She pressed a button on it and a song began to play.

"The seaweed is always greener

In somebody else's lake

You dream about going up there

But that is a big mistake

Just look at the world around you

Right here on the ocean floor

Such wonderful things surround you

What more is you lookin' for?

Under the sea!

Under the sea!"

Everyone began to writhe on the floor in agony.

"AAAAGH!" Wheatley screamed, "TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OOOFF!"

"GLADOS! IT'S KILLING ALL OF US!" Chell cried desperately, "TURN IT OFF!"

Glados managed to take her hands off her ears for a moment to press another button on the remote.

The music stopped, and there was a moment of relief before another song started playing.

"Do you like _waffles_?

Yeah, we like waffles!

Do you like _pancakes_?

Yeah, we like pancakes!

Do you like _French toast_?

Yeah, we like French toast!

Do, dodo doo, can't wait to get a mouth full, WAFFLES!"

Once again everyone was writhing on the floor begging Glados to turn it off.

"Okay, so my plan didn't work," Glados commented once everyone had recovered.

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Wheatley laughed maniacally, "So, how do you plan on fighting me now? You don't even have a portal gun!"

"Crap, how can we go through an entire Portal 2 spoof without a portal gun?" Chell wondered exasperatedly, "Wait, I have an idea!"

She jumped over several piles of junk and grabbed two nerf swords and a nerf gun. She threw the swords to Glados and Wheatley.

"Brilliant! Now we can have an epic battle!" Wheatley said cheerfully, swinging his sword.

"With completely harmless weapons," Glados noted, eyeing the foamy stuff that made up her sword.

"I just realized that there's a trampoline in this room…" Chell commented distractedly. There was, in fact, a trampoline in the corner.

Video game battle music of your choice began to play.

They proceeded to have their epic battle while bouncing on the trampoline. Wheatley and Glados sword fought in the middle while Chell bounced around them, shooting Wheatley with her gun. The other cores wandered in with popcorn and sat down to watch.

Eventually, Wheatley fell down in defeat. A moment later he got up, jumped off the trampoline, and ran to the door yelling, "TO SPACE!" with Space following him.

He fell down in the doorway with his legs and feet still sticking into the room. Space jumped excitedly around him, asking about space. Chell and Glados walked over to them.

"I'm not sure what we did," Chell said, poking Wheatley with her nerf gun, "But I think he's dead."

"Indeed," Glados replied.

Wheatley stood up again, and all three of them turned to the watching cores and took a bow. The cores clapped and cheered until a certain AI interrupted them.

"That was the most insulting and overall stupidest thing I have ever seen," GLaDOS informed them darkly, clearly not amused.


	12. Experiment Goes Horribly Wrong

**A/N: Guys, I've been thinking… When life gives you lemons, MAKE GRAPE JUICE AND HAVE THE WHOLE WORLD WONDER ABOUT IT!**

**Actually, I've been thinking about the end of this story. It'd be pretty impossible to end it, since there's no reason for them to want to leave the Enrichment Centre and that would call for more to the story anyway, and if I have a spontaneous idea after putting them back in their core bodies, then I would have to somehow convince GLaDOS to put them back in their human bodies for one or two disasters and then put them in their core bodies again. That would be unnecessarily tedious. So, when I finally stop writing this story, let's just say that they calmed down a bit or something. **

**As for the end-of-the-fanfiction party, I'll change that to the 100-reviews party. There are over 70 reviews already. OC's are invited, so if you have an OC you want to go or an idea on what could happen during the party, you can send reviews on that when we reach around 90 reviews. Of course, doing that would make TOG throw a fit, so we would first have to restrain him… Make him into a piñata, perhaps? **

**Wow, that was a long author's note… On with the chapter!**

GLaDOS was currently working on a new experiment. It was a formula designed to prolong the life span of her test subjects. Not that she was enjoying their company; they kept wasting time that could be used for testing with their little disasters, and humans don't last forever.

The problem was that it was a colorless and odorless gas, making it harder to contain. Not to mention that- great, Wheatley just broke something. Again. GLaDOS turned her attention away from the formula to fix it. Again. She turned back to the experiment.

Good, everything was going just fi- OH MY GOD HOW DID IT GET INTO THE VENTALATION SYSTEM?

Okay, calm down. She _did _confirm that it wasn't toxic, although its exact effects on the lab rats were inconclusive. Ugh, she was going to _kill_ the authoress if this turns into another disaster.

…

Uh, the authoress would like to take a moment to clear something up about the living area. It's in an L shape, with the kitchen and the dining room making the vertical part and the bedrooms and the hallway separating them making the horizontal part. So far, the cores would just hang out in the dining room, and it is unknown what room Chell and Wheatley played Portal 2 in, which created a plot hole. To clear up this plot hole, GLaDOS added a new room to the living area, which made it more of a rectangle rather than an L. This room is like a living room, with a TV, a big couch, a few chairs and a desk that a laptop sat on. Let's just say that it was this room where Portal 2 was played and the humans hung out in their free time.

Glados, Chell, Wheatley, Curiosity and Space were currently hanging out in the living room. Glados was playing the first Portal and was ironically at the final boss fight. Chell was heckling her since she still had to incinerate two more cores but had only two minutes left. Curiosity and Space were talking about (what else?) space, and Wheatley was trying to keep his mouth shut due to how irritated Glados was.

And guess what? It was in that room where the main ventilation to the living area was, right where GLaDOS's experimental gaseous formula was heading.

They began to get dizzy, and passed out.

…

GLaDOS rarely panicked. Okay, she was panicking when Chell was killing her the first time, when that moron was putting her into a potato, when the bird was eating her as a potato, pretty much the entire time she spent as a potato, and when Wheatley was trying to kill her and Chell, but other than all that, she had never panicked.

However, this called for panic. In the living room, where the concentration of the gas was the highest, the humans had all been reduced to five-year-olds. In the hallway, where the concentration was slightly less, Anger and Intelligence were reduced to seven-year-olds, and Rick, who was _still_ sleeping in his room even though it was 2 o'clock PM, was reduced to a ten-year-old.

Okay, to clear up the problem of cloths, I introduce to you the (drum roll) Aperture Science Automatically Fitting Clothing! The clothing that they all wore was designed so that if the wearer were to spontaneously change size, the clothing would spontaneously change size with them! Which leads to another question: Why were the scientists in Aperture expecting themselves to suddenly grow or shrink?

Morality, Fact, ATLAS, and P-body were well away from the living area, and thus stayed the same. That was good, since the reason GLaDOS was panicking was because she had absolutely no data on children and thus had no idea how to deal with them.

She called the remaining adults to the living area, explained the situation, and ordered them to watch over the kids while she focused all of her attention on changing them back. Oh, shouldn't she have learned by now that it can't be that easy?

Morality immediately had to deal with Anger throwing a temper tantrum, ATLAS was giving Space a piggyback ride, and Fact was being unhelpful with his false facts on children. Did I miss anyone who was still an adult? Wasn't there… Oh, yeah, P-body, she was being ignored by everyone and thus wasn't any help either.

While the adults were busy with other matters, Glados, Wheatley, and Chell snuck out of the living area unnoticed, with Glados carrying the laptop.

"Where are we goin'?" Wheatley asked curiously.

"It's top thecret," Glados replied, her little face determined. It was odd how an experiment can turn such an intimidating woman into such a cute little kid.

The three five-year olds wandered into the main breaker room; the cylindrical room with the walls covered in switches and the receptacle in the middle. Glados plugged the laptop into the receptacle and began typing on it.

"What are you doing?" Chell asked, looking over her shoulder at the incoherent data streaming across the laptop's screen.

"Hacking," Glados replied, not looking up.

"Oh! I'm good at hackin'! Let me help!" Wheatley offered, excitedly jumping up and down.

"No! You're a stupid head!" Glados snapped.

(In GLaDOS's chamber)

The AI was so immersed in her research that she didn't notice the TV monitors being lowered into the chamber or the fact that the sound system was being hacked until it was too late.

"What…?" A soft tune started playing in the chamber. Suddenly, the TV monitors came on, showing an image of a pixilated cat that had a pop tart for a body. It appeared to be flying through space and was leaving a rainbow behind in its path.

"Nyanyanyanyanyanyanyan!" was being sung in a high-pitched voice.

GLaDOS desperately tried to override the hack to make it stop, but it was to late. Her screams could be heard over the Nyan Cat's song and the giggling coming from the small children in the main breaker room until they suddenly cut off. The Nyan Cat had apparently temporarily fried her circuits.

Giggling, Glados shut the monitors off and the three walked to the Central AI Chamber to find the AI hanging limply.

"GWaDOS go bye-bye?" Wheatley asked adorably.

"Yeah," Glados replied with a happy and evil grin.

…

When Morality found out what happened, she had to admit something. First of all, they were going to have to go to a store on the surface to get things to help them with taking care of the children. Second, they needed help.


	13. Babysitters?

"So, who'd you call to help-" ATLAS began, asking Morality.

They were in the Central AI Chamber with GLaDOS still out of commission when suddenly a Gummi Ship fell down the shaft that led to the surface. For those of you who aren't familiar with Kingdom Hearts, it's basically a bright orange space ship that kind of looks like a bulky car with an airplane's wings and a lot of guns on it. Look it up on Google images or something.

"Lexicon, you are _never _driving again!" they heard a girl yell and another girl laugh as three 14-year-old girls stepped out of the ship.

The one who yelled was Taliax, who was a slightly short girl with long blond hair and blue eyes. The girl she was yelling at was Lexicon, a taller girl with black hair and brown eyes. The third girl was the same height as Taliax and had dark blond hair and brown eyes. She was Xelac, the story's notorious authoress. Each of them wore a differently colored T-shirt with a black Aperture Laboratories logo in the top left hand corner; Taliax's was green, Lexicon's was black (white logo), and Xelac's was red.

The adults and the kids stared at them in horror. How could Morality invite the authoress and her friends?

"Aww, they're so cuuuuute!" Lexicon squealed, picking Wheatley up. He giggled, unaware of any danger.

"Alrighty then… What's up with her?" Xelac asked, staring at GLaDOS's limp mainframe.

"Little Glados hacked into the TV monitors and played Nyan Cat," Morality explained solemnly.

The girls cracked up laughing. Morality cleared her throat to get attention.

"Anyway, Fact, ATLAS and I are going to a store to buy things for the children. I would appreciate it if you three can be responsible enough to look after them while we are gone," she explained seriously.

"Don't worry!" Lexicon said cheerfully, "Tali's got three younger siblings at home!"

"Very well. We'll be going," Morality replied, leading Fact and ATLAS onto what remained of the lift to head to the surface. "Also, by the way, Anger is in his room sleeping. You'll have a big tantrum if you wake him up."

"Sooo… What now?" Xelac asked when they were gone.

At that moment the babysitters realized Rick, Space, and Curiosity were missing.

"Alright, I'll go look for them," Taliax suggested, heading for the door, "While I do that, maybe somebody could get snacks or something?"

"Oh! Oh! I will!" Lexicon said, waving her hand in the air.

"I'll help with snacks. 2 and ¼ cups all-purpose flour, one teaspoon baking soda, one teaspoon salt…" Intelligence said.

"Wait a minute, I thought we were calling him Knowledge?" Lexicon questioned the narration.

"We called him Intelligence at first, then for some reason we switched to Knowledge… Technically, they're both correct as far as I'm concerned, but right now I'm thinking of him as Intelligence," Xelac explained.

Lexicon shrugged, took Intelligence's hand, and led him out the door to the living area.

"I'll help, too!" P-body suggested, following them.

"Uh, alright then, I'll just stay here with these three," Xelac called after them, eyeing Chell, Wheatley, and Glados, who were smiling sweetly. For some reason, she knew she was screwed.

…

Rick, Space, and Curiosity were off on an adventure, running through the halls of Aperture.

"Alright, kiddos!" Rick said, bouncing on the balls of his feet with excitement and imagination, "We're going on an adventure! So, where should we go?"

"SPAAAAACE!" Space immediately suggested.

"Alright, we'll go to space!" Rick approved.

"How will we get to space? What'll we do in space?" Curiosity asked, jumping up and down.

"IMAAAAAGINAAAAATIOOOOOOON! That's how will get to space!" Rick laughed, "Okay, so we're in space, so we're like Star Wars… I know! We're Jedi! And, and… We have to find the Crystal Skull, and, and, get back our lost pirate ship!"

"Isn't that Star Wars, Indiana Jones, _and_ Pirates of the Caribbean?" Curiosity questioned.

"Whatever, let's just do it!" Rick said. He pretended to pull out a lightsaber and swung it around making sound effects. "Alright, guys, we're on a space ship! Let's find the Crystal Skull!" He ran down the hallway and the younger kids followed.

"SPAAAAACE!" Space yelled again.

…

"Okay, say the recipe again," Lexicon said.

She, Intelligence, and… uh… oh, P-body, were in the kitchen and Intelligence was sitting on the counter.

"2 and ¼ cups all-purpose flour, 1 teaspoon baking soda, 1 teaspoon salt, 1 cup butter, softened, ¾ cup granulated sugar," he recited from memory as Lexicon and P-body grabbed the ingredients for the cookies as he listed them, "3/4 cup packed brown sugar, 1 teaspoon vanilla extract, 2 large eggs, 2 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips, 1 cup chopped nuts."

"Alright, now what do we do?" P-body asked Intelligence.

"Preheat oven to 375 degrees Fahrenheit," Intelligence recited in a monotone voice.

…

"Alright! We got the Crystal Skull!" Rick shouted. He was holding a Companion Cube, and he, Space, and Curiosity were running from a huge ball of entangled Aperture Science junk that was rolling after them.

"Where did the ball come from? Why is it chasing us? How do we get away from it?" Curiosity asked excitedly, not at all concerned.

"SPAAAAAAACE! YEEEEHAAAAAW! Space ball!" Space shouted joyfully.

Suddenly they came to a large gap in the floor. Over it were some cables that were hanging down. Without hesitating, Rick jumped at the edge of the gap, grabbed the cables, and swung to the other side. Curiosity and Space followed. The ball of junk fell into the gap and our heroes were safe.

"YEAH! We did it!" Rick yelled triumphantly, jumping up and down with the Companion Cube. He high-fived the younger ones. "Now we need to find our pirate ship!"

…

Morality, Fact and ATLAS were at Wal-Mart, their cart filled with toys, childcare books, child friendly first aid kits, etc.

"Fact: The only reason you want that dinosaur toy is so you can have it for yourself," Fact claimed.

"No way! I'm too old for toys! I just think the little ones will enjoy it!" ATLAS protested, holding a stuffed Tyrannosaurus Rex.

"Stop it!" Morality ordered. The two resorted to glaring at each other. "Just be quiet. I'm going to check on them."

She pulled a cell phone out of her pocket and called Xelac's number.

"Hello, this is Morality," She said when it was picked up.

"Hi hi Morality!" came Glados's cheerful voice.

"Hi hi Mowal!" Morality heard Wheatley's voice.

"Hey, Moral, can you get us candy and soda?" came Chell's voice.

"Yeah! Candy and soda!" the other two cheered.

"Uh, sure, I guess, but where's Xelac? Why do you have her phone?" Morality asked, getting nervous.

"Oh, we're playing Hostages!" Glados answered happily.

"HEEEEEEEELP!" Morality heard someone scream.

"Okay, bye-bye!" Glados said.

"No, wait-" but they had already hung up.

…

"There you are!" Taliax called, looking into a test chamber that Rick, Space, and Curiosity were playing in. Thankfully, it didn't have any lasers or high-energy pellets; just a cube, a button, and an excursion funnel.

"No! You can't come in!" Rick said, trying to block the door with the cube, "You gotta know the password!"

Taliax crossed her arms. "Is it 'password'?"

Rick's face flushed. "No!"

"The password is spa-" Space began, but Curiosity shushed him.

"Space?" Taliax asked.

"No!" Rick said. He looked back at his two five-year-old comrades, "C'mon guys, we need a new password!"

"But we never had a password in the first place!" Curiosity protested.

…

GLaDOS began to stir. After making sure Nyan Cat wasn't still playing, her optic flickered on and she raised her… um… core?

"Oh! You're finally awake!" came an oddly familiar voice.

She scanned the room for who was talking, but the only ones in the room that she could see were Glados and Chell, who were innocently coloring with crayons near the edge of the room. Wait, what were they coloring on?

"Hey, I'm over here," came the voice again.

GLaDOS twisted around and saw, tied _upside down_ to her mainframe with Aperture Science Super Duty Cable, was the authoress.

"Hi!" Xelac greeted cheerfully, grinning even though her face was flushed red from hanging upside down.

"What are _you_ doing here?" GLaDOS asked bitterly.

"Morality called us for back up!"

GLaDOS's mainframe jerked. "_Us_? Who else is here?"

"Ow, ow! Stop moving! You're giving me a frickin' headache!" the girl protested.

GLaDOS purposefully swung to the side. "Tell me who else is here!"

"Oh sure, don't bother to ask how I got up here…" Xelac muttered.

The AI bucked like a horse.

"Aiyeeee! Okay, okay! I was going to tell you," Xelac yelped.

"Then do so," GLaDOS ordered calmly.

"Just Taliax and Lexicon. Taliax is good with kids since she has three younger siblings, and Lexicon… is nice. Okay?"

"Alright then. Next question. How did you get up there?"

"As children, Glados and Chell make an excellent evil little psychopathic team!" Xelac growled, trying to jerk her head towards the two.

"I see…" GLaDOS commented, like she didn't even care. She probably didn't. "Wait, where's Wheatley?"

"In a similar situation as me," Xelac said, trying to jerk her head to the other side of the mainframe.

GLaDOS noticed the sound of crying. After scanning her mainframe, she found that something was lodged inside it.

A mechanical arm reached between two pieces of machinery on her mainframe. It pulled out a blackened, cut up, and sobbing little Wheatley and set him on the ground. The five-year-old immediately ran for the door.

"GLaaaDOOOOS!" Xelac called in a singsong voice.

"WHAT?" GLaDOS asked irritably, swinging back to face her.

"Would you mind cutting me down?" Xelac asked innocently, "I mean, it might be that you're back on now, or it might be that you're mad, but your mainframe is starting to heat up…"

"It's a bit of both," the AI replied.

A small laser cut the cables and the teen fell head first to the ground. Giggling, Glados and Chell walked over to her as she tried to stand, feeling extremely dizzy.

"Are, are you okay?" Glados asked sweetly.

"Why, you little-" Xelac jumped up and charged at them.

They ran, laughing, with the authoress hot on their heels.

"Xelac! That's no way to treat little kids!" Taliax yelled from the doorway. She had Rick, Space, and Curiosity with her.

"They are _evil_!" Xelac hissed. She had stopped chasing them, but watched them carefully.

"What happened?" Lexicon asked, walking into the chamber with Intelligence and P-body and carrying a plate of cookies.

"They tied me upside down to GLaDOS!" Xelac shouted.

"Really? Good job evil little psychopathic children!" Lexicon cheered, high-fiving Glados and Chell.

Xelac sighed and turned to the reviewers. "Guys? I think we need a little more help."

**A/N: That's right! If you or an OC of yours want to help babysit Aperture Science characters who have been turned into little kids, PM me with a description of your or your character's appearance, personality, and ideas for events concerning you or your character.**

**Registration is CLOSED. It ended last night, actually. I can't have too many babysitters.**


	14. Babysitters? Part 2

**A/N: Accepted OC's are: Spark, Victoria, FeeptheNinja, and Sable. I didn't want to have too many, since then some would get attention and others would get more or less left out, so I picked the best out of the first few PMs that I got. If yours wasn't included, it was either because you didn't give an adequate description of the character or I had no idea what to do with them. **

**Remember, it wasn't really if you could help take care of the kids and keep them out of trouble, it was if you could help the kids make trouble!**

**Also, if your OC was accepted and you read this while sitting there thinking, 'My OC wouldn't behave like that!', well, I did the best I could from the description you gave me.**

A mechanical arm fell from the ceilingand hit Xelac on the head.

"YOU INVITED REVIEWERS?" GLaDOS demanded, who had been in a bad mood for the last few chapters.

"Well, it was either them or Organization XIII, and most of the Orgy is so bad with kids they would probably be dead and half the Enrichment Centre destroyed before you would be able to fix this," Xelac explained, rubbing the bump on her head, "Besides, that would have just called for more KH references."

"How bad can they be?" Lexicon questioned cheerfully.

GLaDOS turned her optic on her coldly. "Bad," she replied, "Very, _very _bad."

Xelac, Lexicon, Taliax, and all of the children and adults were in the Central AI chamber. Morality and the others who had gone to the store had returned with stuffed animals and such.

Suddenly there was a loud crack and one of the new babysitters teleported in. Everyone jumped, startled, at the sound, and of course Taliax accidently smacked Lexicon on the face.

"Oh, sorry," Taliax apologized sincerely.

"You always do that…" Lexicon muttered.

"Oh… Did I do something?" the newcomer asked, a little nervously. She had long brown hair that was tied back in a ponytail and hazel eyes. She wore a silver shirt with the Aperture logo on it.

Xelac sighed. "No," she replied, "You're just the first babysitter to show up." She pulled out four application forms and flipped through them. "Right… You're Sable, correct?"

"Yeah, that's me," Sable replied, looking over Xelac's shoulder at the kids she was now helping to take care of. GLaDOS was using a mechanical arm to break up yet another fight between Glados and Wheatley.

There was a crash, and another OC ninja-flipped through the Fourth Wall, leaving a sizable hole in it. She had medium length, light brown hair and blue eyes. She wore an orange t-shirt with 'Test Subject' and a barcode on it written in white, blue jeans, Long Fall boots, and a black sweatband with the Portal 2 logo on it. Through the hole in the Fourth Wall, we could see a few _very _confused ninjas. We waved to them and they slowly backed away.

"I'm guessing that's…" Xelac flipped through the applications again, "Yep, that's Feep."

Feep looked around at the children and adults, and of course the massive AI hanging from the ceiling in excitement.

"THIS IS SO AWSOME!" she squealed, picking little Glados, who looked a little scared.

"Ninja-flipping through the Fourth Wall," Taliax commented, "That's awesome."

Xelac looked over her file again. "Wait, you're four foot nine?"

Feep looked confused. "Yes?"

Xelac turned to Lexicon, grinning. "YES! Lexicon, you owe me and Taliax ten bucks! You said not _one _of the babysitters would be shorter than us!"

"Fine, for the time being I won't call you short," Lexicon muttered, digging in her pockets, "You're only taller by two inches…"

Suddenly a bird flew into the room. "Ack! Bird! Bird!" GLaDOS, Wheatley, and, err, Glados freaked out of course. However, before GLaDOS could aim a laser at it, it poofed into a human, one of the babysitters.

She had short curly hair that was a faded purple color with blond under, and blue eyes. She wore black glasses, a purple Aperture tank top, black jeans and purple sneakers.

"Um, yeah, I guess I should have warned you about that," Xelac muttered.

"You _knew_?" GLaDOS hissed. Her mood was just getting better and better.

Xelac dodged another mechanical arm. "Right, anyway, according to the application forms, this one is- Ow!" She was interrupted when Glados threw a cube at her head. Where did she get that?

"I'm Victoria," the newcomer said, "Or V for short."

"A vewy bad bird," Wheatley said, scowling adorably. Sable giggled and ruffled his hair.

Xelac rubbed her head where she was hit once again. "This is the part where the last OC spontaneously shows up," she noted. Right on cue, someone else smashed through the Fourth Wall.

She was tall, had brown hair, blue-grey eyes, and was slightly pale. She wore a red t-shirt with a Black Mesa badge on it, blue jeans, and black trainers. She turned to look at the damage she'd done to the Forth Wall, and saw the hole Feep made right beside her own.

"Aw man, someone had already done it," she muttered.

"Black Mesa?" GLaDOS noted in a dark tone, eyeing her shirt.

"Oh, hello, GLaDOS," the newcomer said, also in a dark tone.

Pokémon styled sparks flew between the two. Suddenly, Lexicon grabbed one and ate it while everyone else looked on in confusion.

"That's one way to break up a fight," Feep commented.

The newcomer shrugged and said, "I'm Spark. I _used _to work for Black Mesa, until the Combine Incident."

"Well, Spark," Xelac said, "The Combine Incident doesn't exist in this fic because I haven't played Half-Life 2 yet."

"Oh," Spark replied, not sure exactly how this mattered.

Before anyone could respond, yet another person ran through the Fourth Wall.

"I thought you said she was the last one," Taliax said in confusion.

"She was," Xelac replied, "That One Guy's not a babysitter."

TOG ran in, glaring at the babysitters. "This has gone for far enough! I-"

Before he could lapse in a long and boring lecture, he was attacked by the children, who had grabbed whatever weapons they could.

"Bad TOG, bad!" Wheatley yelled, beating him with a cube.

"We don't care about the Fourth Wall!" Chell yelled, hitting him with her crowbar. You know, _someone _should have remembered to keep that crowbar away from her, how does she keep getting it?

Everyone else stood by and watched. The sight was horrifying, but strangely adorable.

Finally, TOG managed to get up and retreated to the Fourth Wall.

"WOOHOO! Good job, little kids!" Feep cheered, high-fiving the attackers.

Suddenly, Doug Rattman walked through the chamber. He was spinning while he walked, and muttered, "The walls… Are closing in! It's a curse from the Wizard of Oz!"

The children screamed, "AHHHH! BOOGIE MAN!" and tried in vain to hide behind GLaDOS, which failed since she usually keeps herself about ten feet off the ground. Rattman left the room, leaving everyone very confused.

"Now that all of the OC's are here," Lexicon said, as if nothing happened, "I got a call from Denmark. He said the Nordics are throwing a party."

"You're partying with the Nordics?" Xelac asked, raising an eyebrow, "Aren't you a little young to drink?"

Lexicon laughed. "That's why I'm bringing two liter bottles of Coke and they're going to be just for me!" She magically teleported away.

"Uh, I have to go too," Taliax said, "My mom said I have to go home and babysit my little brother and sisters…"

"Err, okay," Xelac muttered as she, too, teleported. She looked back at the OC's, who had distributed themselves amongst the little ones.

"Now that that's finally taken care of," GLaDOS said agitatedly, "All of you, _get out of my chamber. _I have more important things to worry about."

Little Glados looked up at the machine with wide eyes. "You mean we're not important?"

"GLaDOS! You can't say that to a little kid!" Spark said angrily.

"I just did. She'll get over it. Get out."

Frustrated, Spark took Glados's hand and led the way out of the chamber.

They walked to the living area.

"Oh, I forgot about those cookies I mentioned in the last chapter," Xelac said, noticing the cookies on the counter.

"Cookies! Can we have some?" Chell asked innocently.

"Sure," Sable replied, handing her one.

Soon all of the kids were happily eating cookies. However, when Morality walked in, she glanced around with a look of horror.

"You've given them _cookies_?" she asked nervously.

"Yeah?" Victoria replied, "Is there a problem? Look how happy they are."

Morality's face darkened. "You should all know how bad things can get when these people," she jerked her head toward the kids, "are exposed to sugar."

The babysitters turned, and noticed the kids were all giggling uncontrollably. Suddenly, Space began singing one of the Space Core remixes, Curiosity joined in, Rick jumped onto the chandelier (yes there is a chandelier), and everyone else began to run around crazily.

"This is exactly what I was talking about," Morality stated, crossing her arms. She just watched as the babysitters tried to round them up and calm them down.

Anger, who had been soothed by the cookie, was getting upset from the noise. He began tearing up and started crying.

Victoria, who was standing on the table trying to pull Rick off the chandelier, finally snapped and said, "Would somebody _please _shut him up!"

Morality sighed and picked the sobbing 7 year old.

V wasn't the only one getting a little fed up after this went on for 10 minutes. Sable finally pulled out a large mallet out of nowhere and smacked Chell and Glados into the ceiling, leaving two holes.

"What the-?" Spark questioned, eyeing the mallet.

"It's my Doom Hammer," Sable replied calmly.

"Maybe we should get them down from there," Xelac suggested, looking up into the holes in the ceiling. After all, blood was dripping down from the twin holes.

"I will!" Feep volunteered. She pulled a portal gun out of nowhere and fired a portal underneath the holes. She then ran out of the living area, somehow ending up in one of the test chambers involving momentum.

Moments later, the portal underneath the holes opened and Feep rocketed upwards out of it, crashing into the ceiling and turning the two small holes into one big hole.

"Uh, Feep?" Spark called, "You okay?"

"Yeah!" came the reply, "and the kids are too… OH MY GOD THERE'S A MOVIE THEATER UP HERE!"

"Okaaaaay," Xelac muttered.

"NO SERIOUSLY! And it has a Wii with Mario Kart and Rock Band… OMG POKEMON BATTLE REVOLUTION!"

Feep's head poked down from the ceiling. "Hey, can I run home for a sec and get my DS?"

Xelac shrugged. "Sure."

Feep jumped down from the ceiling and crashed through the Fourth Wall. TOG was too terrified of the children to protest.

"I wanna go up there!" Rick proclaimed, looking up into the hole.

"Does that lead to _space_?" Space asked eagerly.

With a quick glance at each other, the OCs led the kids to the test chamber and one by one they jumped in.

It was a large, spacious area. Covering an entire wall was a white screen and along the wall opposite of the screen were two rows of recliners. The floor was carpeted, and scattered around the room were pillows and blankets. Hanging from the ceiling was a projector that pointed at the screen. Along one wall were shelves full of DVD's, a DVD player, the Wii, and its games. 'Aperture Science Movie Theater of Secrets' was written along the opposite wall.

Soon, Feep returned and proceeded to download some Pokémon onto the Pokémon Battle Revolution game. However, the game was only played for a few minutes before the kids got bored with it and began to have their own battles.

"Chell used Tackle!" Chell yelled, tackling Wheatley.

"Oi!" the little boy protested, struggling, but she was surprisingly strong. Glados watched the two with amusement.

"Space used space!" Space said, spinning around randomly.

"Rick used Super Awesome Attack!" Rick yelled, throwing one of the pillows. It smacked Feep on the face.

"Hey!" she picked up the pillow and threw it back at him. He dodged, and it hit Glados. She glared at the babysitter, picking up the pillow. Feep did a dodge roll and grabbed another pillow, prepared to fight.

The room froze, with everyone eyeing the two. Slowly, everyone began to arm themselves with pillows. They all eyed each other, pillows at the ready, before the room erupted into a massive pillow fight.

Usually such noise would make GLaDOS immediately demand what the heck was going on and that it stops. However, she was hardly paying attention to them. From how much trouble the children had caused already, she was desperate to change them back into adults.

Those who had remained adults, Morality, ATLAS, P-body, and Fact, however, were standing under the hole in the living area's ceiling, wondering what the heck was going on and contemplating whether or not they should go up there. Hoping that the OC's could handle it, and barely caring anyway, they went back to whatever they had been doing.

After an hour of pillow fighting, the kids and the babysitters all collapsed in the middle of the movie theater, the sugar from the cookies finally worn off.

"Hungwy…" Wheatley moaned.

"When are we going to eat? What are going to eat? Who can cook?" Curiosity questioned.

"Great, now we have to feed them," Victoria muttered. She was a little agitated since she had been ganged up on by both Space and Curiosity.

"Can anyone cook?" Xelac called out, "Also, can anyone get these two off me?" She was lying on her back and Chell and Glados were sitting on her. Those two just wouldn't leave her alone.

"C'mon, get up," Sable said, pulling the girls off her.

"Alright then," Xelac said, getting up, "The only one here who can cook seems to be Intelligence, and he only seems to know the recipe for those cookies now."

In fact, Intelligence had been practically screaming that recipe while he pummeled Rick with a pillow.

"Let's just order pizza," Spark suggested. Everyone nodded, getting up and jumping down the hole.

A few minutes later, GLaDOS somehow noticed that someone was banging on the door to the shed. Out of curiosity, she let him in, and a moment later a very confused looking pizza boy emerged from the elevator, carrying several pizza boxes. He stared at the massive AI in shock for a moment before fainting.

"Oh! The pizza's here!" Xelac and the other OCs ran into the chamber toward the collapsed pizza boy, grabbed the dropped pizzas, and ran back toward the door.

"Wait, shouldn't we do something about him?" Sable asked, pointing to the pizza boy.

"Just leave him there. I could always use another test subject," GLaDOS ordered. Her tone suggested that she was threatening them with becoming test subjects if they didn't get the heck out of her chamber.

Back in the living area, the children were herded to the table in the dining room and the pizza was distributed. Xelac was glaring daggers at Chell and Glados, who were sitting together, talking and giggling.

"They get along really well as five-year-olds," V observed.

"That's because they work together to torment me!" Xelac growled.

"Oh, c'mon, they're perfectly inno-" Sable began, but cut off when Glados threw a piece of pizza crust at Xelac, who dodged, and it hit Spark.

"You little-" Spark picked up her own pizza and threw it at her.

Guess what this grew into? No, not a lightsaber battle. Yes, a food fight!

Everything between small bits of pizza to whole pizza boxes were being thrown all about the room.

GLaDOS broke off from her research since she knew that she would have to check on the humans eventually. She checked the camera in the living area's dining room, and you can guess that she wasn't happy when she saw the room covered in pizza.

"WHAT… The H***… Is GOING ON HERE?" the AI demanded, her voice full of rage.

Everyone froze, pizza dripping from their faces and cloths.

"GLaDOS is gonna kill us," Chell whispered to Glados, who whispered the same to Space, and it traveled down the line of kids and babysitters to Wheatley on the end.

"Xelac runs a circus?" he asked, very confused.

"How did you _know_?" Xelac joked.

"All of you are going to clean this up _immediately_," GLaDOS hissed.

"Yeah, guys, it's time for me to go home," Feep declared, jumping through the Fourth Wall.

"Yep, me too," Spark said, also jumping through the Fourth Wall.

Sable teleported, and Victoria poofed into a bird and flew away.

"I should probably go too," Xelac said, before being pinned down by a mechanical arm.

"I think not," GLaDOS said with a deadly calm voice.

Using her powers of authoress, however, Xelac teleported away.

Morality rolled her eyes. "Great. Just great."

The remaining adults had to clean the dining room while the kids sat in the living room, watching the first season of Pokémon. Hey, the Pokémon episodes may not be that good anymore, but the original ones were _awesome_.

After an hour of endless cleaning, the adults were finally done with the dining room and they herded the children to bed, which was a relief for GLaDOS since it meant that she would get eight to ten hours of peace, right?

Wrong. Before long, Morality led the kids into her chamber.

"What is it _now_?" the AI demanded in irritation.

"The children are afraid of the 'Boogie Man', and want to stay here for the night," Morality explained very seriously.

**A/N: Well, it **_**still**_** hasn't been fixed. It looks like the series of one-shots finally has an arc! **

**Anyway, yes they are still children, though I'm not sure if I'll invite reviewers to babysit again. If babysitters are required again, they'll probably be me, Taliax, and Lexicon again. **

**In the next chapter, they will be turned back… mostly.**


	15. They're Changed Back! Mostly

After at least three hours of total chaos, the kids finally settled down enough to fall asleep. At first, it had seemed like they were calm enough to fall asleep almost instantaneously, which is why GLaDOS allowed them to stay in the first place. They curled up in their sleeping bags, and it looked like everything would be fine, until Chell 'accidently' kicked Glados, she responded by hitting Chell with a pillow, one thing led to another, and yet another pillow fight ensued.

When Morality failed to stop them, GLaDOS pinned them all down with mechanical arms, and would have kept them there if Morality didn't keep going on and _on_ about how cruel that was, how they'd never fall asleep, blah, blah, blah. Of course, when she let them go eight pillows simultaneously hit her mainframe with surprising accuracy.

Then Space started singing one of his remixes again, Anger tackled him, Glados, Chell, and Wheatley all started laughing for no apparent reason, and Curiosity somehow found herself hanging from the ceiling after asking a bunch of questions.

The authoress stares accusingly at GLaDOS.

"What? It's not _my _fault she's up there," GLaDOS insisted, cutting the Aperture Science Super Duty Cable that was holding Curiosity up with a laser.

"Who's she talking to?" Wheatley asked, looking scared.

"She's crazy," Chell said, shrugging. Everyone else nodded very seriously in agreement.

After that they for some reason lapsed into singing Hakuna Matata. Only releasing a bit of neurotoxin in the air shut them up, but of course Morality went on a rant that bored even the children.

It didn't help when the Boogie Man, I mean, Doug Rattman, once again randomly wandered through the room, shouting something about Ninja Companion Cubes. Great, they were now scared of him _and_ Companion Cubes. Sigh. He's not even supposed to be alive…

Anyway, after three hours of chaos, they finally settled down and went to sleep, thanks to GLaDOS filling the room with tranquilizing gas.

By morning, GLaDOS had _finally _finished the formula that would turn the kids back into their adult selves. As revenge for the previous night, she woke them up with an earsplittingly loud train whistle.

"AHHHH! THE COMPANION CUBES! THEY FOUND MEEEE!" Wheatley screamed, jumping at least ten feet in the air.

"THE FACILITY IS UNDER ATTACK!" Glados shrieked, throwing her sleeping bag over herself to hide.

"SPACE IS FALLING!" Space yelled, running in circles.

Chell, for some strange reason, started laughing.

After a minute, everyone settled down and realized that the dreams that they had been yanked out of weren't really happening.

"Children, I have a surprise for you," GLaDOS announced in a singsong voice. The kids stared at her in utter horror. "Who would like to try it first?"

They immediately stepped back, shoving Wheatley forward. Before the little boy could protest, a mechanical arm that was smaller and more nimble than the normal ones shoved something down his throat while a larger one held him still. The smaller arm then held his mouth closed, and in the panic, he swallowed.

Wheatley immediately collapsed, convulsing like he was about to vomit.

"Not on the floor," GLaDOS warned as a mechanical arm picked him up and dropped him into a relaxation vault.

The other kids watched, terrified, as he shuddered and jerked, leaning over the vault's toilet. Finally, he exited the vault, looking pale.

"How did he get bigger? Will we get bigger too?" Curiosity asked, staring at Wheatley in amazement. He wasn't a five-year-old anymore, but he wasn't an adult. He looked like he was 14 or 15.

"What happened…" he muttered, "Oh! You did it! I'm not a bloody little kid anymore!" He examined himself happily.

"It helped, but you're not an adult," GLaDOS explained.

A handheld mirror appeared out of a plot hole and Wheatley looked into it.

"What's this? I've got bloody zits!" he yelled, "I'm like, the same age as those babysitters! …Uh, speaking of babysitters," he said, pausing and looking at the younger kids, "Am I going to have to babysit them?"

"Of course not! A moron like you would _never_ be able to handle them!" GLaDOS replied sharply, "They will get the same thing you did."

At that, the kids screamed and tried to run, only to be captured by mechanical arms and get something shoved down their throats as well. After a few moments of convulsing, they had aged as well. Rick was old enough that the dose was enough to turn him completely back into an adult, but everyone else had become teenagers, with Glados, Chell, Curiosity and Space the same age as Wheatley, and Anger and Intelligence as 17 year olds.

You know, when Intelligence was an adult, we called him Knowledge, and when he was a little kid he was Intelligence, but now he's a teen. So, do we call him Logic now? I honestly don't know what this core is officially named… I'll call him Intelligence as long as I feel like it.

"Well, I guess we're old enough to go back to the way things were until we're changed back completely," Wheatley muttered, popping a zit on his face.

"Yeah, except with all the teenage hormones," Chell said, grinning.

"That's the _last_ thing we need," Glados grumbled, crossing her arms in a cranky way. The hormones must be affecting her already.

"Then, what do we do now? What are hormones? How do they affect us? Why do we have them?" Curiosity asked in one breath.

"I'll only need a day to make more of that formula," GLaDOS pointed out, ignoring Curiosity, "The time really depends on your behavior, though. The more you annoy me, the longer it will take."

The humans looked at each other. With most of them as teenagers, how could they _possibly _go through a day without annoying GLaDOS? Unless they left the Enrichment Centre…

"Oh! I know!" Wheatley said, waving his arms in the air and supposedly taking the narrator's advice, "WE COULD GO TO HIGH SCHOOL!"

There was silence, and everyone stared at him like he was a moron. Oh, wait…

"Uh, isn't the only way that we would be able to go through a day without annoying GLaDOS is if we leave the Enrichment Centre?" he muttered, quoting the narrator. See? It's okay, GLaDOS, you're not the only one who can hear the narrator. GLaDOS glared in a supposedly random direction.

"It's the only way to get them out of here, how bad could it be?" Morality insisted.

After a bit of persuasion, GLaDOS reluctantly agreed to this.

…

"Expelled? All of them?" GLaDOS asked, even though she expected this to happen. Morality nodded gravely, scowling at the group of teens lined up in front of her and the AI.

"Glados and Chell nearly blew up the entire cafeteria," she explained, glaring at the girls while they giggled and high-fived.

"We didn't nearly blow it up," Glados explained seriously, "We _did_ blow up!"

"Anger got into at least ten fights with other boys and two with the teachers," Morality went on.

"They deserved it…" the red-eyed teen growled, cracking his knuckles.

"Intelligence made most of his Family Consumer Science class sick and a few seriously ill from his cake," she said.

"One cup not-a-science-class," Intell said bluntly.

"I agree," GLaDOS interjected.

Morality sighed and went on, "Curiosity and Space were never where they were supposed to be and had to be disciplined for truancy several times."

"Space," was all Space said, as if that justified everything.

"And Wheatley… Well, I'm not entirely sure what he did, but he came with everyone else," Morality finished, shrugging.

"He helped with the bomb," Chell explained.

"Barely," Glados hissed under her breath.

"Well, at least there was no need for you to go back," GLaDOS said softly. The teens looked up at her in alarm, wondering whether she was actually just letting them off.

But of course that wasn't the case. They were all jerked back to the floor by their necks, and something was once again shoved down their throats.

**A/N: Captain Obvious: Guess what! It's updated!**


	16. The Track Record

**A/N: We only need ten more reviews to reach 100, so the 100-review party will probably be the next chapter since I have no other ideas for that chapter. Ideas for the party are appreciated.**

Rick paced angrily in his room, which he shared with Fact, who wasn't there at the moment. Which was a good thing, since Rick never liked listening to Fact ramble.

Rick felt cheated. Of course, no one had actually cheated him. He felt cheated because he didn't have the reputation around here that he thought he deserved. He was the Adventure Sphere, err, Adventure Human, uh, Adventure Guy (that sounds better)! He should be respected, even feared! But was he? No.

The one who was feared and respected around here, other than of course the Big Boss Lady, was Chell. A girl! A pretty little lady! Ladies were supposed to be damsels in distress, not destroyers of homicidal AIs! Sure, she may have broken his nose, gave him a black eye and dislocated his shoulder when he tried to flirt with her, but still. Even GLaDOS treated her a little better than everyone else. And yes, GLaDOS is technically female, but she is a big AI. She doesn't count. Everyone respected Glados as well, but she's GLaDOS's human copy. It's only natural that they shy away; nothing to do with the fact that she pinned Rick against the wall when he tried to flirt with her.

Anyway, Rick was not happy about this. He deserved better! But then he had an idea. Maybe the reason no one respected him was because they'd never seen him do anything spectacular (Of course, he's never _done_ anything spectacular, but still)!

Well, if Chell could get everyone's respect by nearly destroying the facility, then he could do that too. He would cause such a ruckus everyone, even her, even GLaDOS, would think twice about him!

Dun, dun, duuuuun!

_All I'll have to do is a bunch of tests, escape, and then break stuff!_ Rick thought, smiling to himself as he marched toward GLaDOS's chamber. He attempted to fling the door open intimidatingly, but failed since the door was automatic, and ended up charging into the room with his arms spread out and flailing, effectively looking like an idiot.

GLaDOS glared at him coldly. "What do you want?"

"Uhh…" Rick stuttered. He'd been so distracted about what he had to do that he'd forgotten to think up his cool speech. "Uhh… Err… I, uh, want to test!"

"Oh, really? Do you have _any _idea what testing is like?" the AI snickered, "The only people who voluntarily do tests are those who are forced to do it. What makes you think you would be able to survive?"

'_Cause I'm awesome, _was Rick's initial thought. No, he had to say something cooler than that.

"'Cause I'm, uh, awesome!" he replied. _Crap, _he thought.

The mainframe literally shuddered with GLaDOS's laughter. Rick was the second most moronic moron in the entire facility, and to be able to compete with how moronic Wheatley was took _effort_. But, watching his pitiful attempts would be amusing, even though the contract she was forced to sign with the authoress required her to save him if he killed himself.

"Hey! Stop laughing!" Rick commanded in what he thought was a powerful, intimidating voice but was really just whiney.

"Alright," the AI chuckled, "We'll see how well you do."

…

Rick looked around the small room he was stuck in with mild confusion. There was a cube and a button. _But there must be something more complicated about this! _Rick thought stubbornly.

"I know!" Rick thought aloud, "If I put the cube on the button, it springs a trap!"

"No," GLaDOS replied, sighing, "Placing the cube on the button opens the door."

Usually, when she told a subject how to solve a test, she would be punished painfully. However, Rick was being such an idiot that not even the system cared.

"On the other side of the door is a trap!"

"No."

(3 hours later)

"Oh, I'm so gettin' this," Rick muttered. He was attempting to army crawl underneath the lasers that marked the turrets' lines of sight, forgetting that they could look down and that he now had a portal gun and could just portal past them.

"I see you!" Rick jumped up and ran to safety when a turret nearly shot him.

"Well, I see we have a feisty one here!" Rick snickered, "I need my knife for this one." He searched all of his pockets. "Hey! Did you take my knife?" he yelled at the ceiling.

"You never owned a knife," GLaDOS said matter-of-factly.

"What, do you think I'm an id- wait…" Rick thought for a minute, and realized she was right. What made him think he had a knife?

(Another 2 hours later)

Rick dragged himself into the next test chamber.

"You know what? I think it's time I make my escape," he muttered to himself.

"Escape? Are you serious?" GLaDOS questioned. She was trying to keep from laughing, but for some reason Rick thought he could detect fear.

"Aha!" Rick said excitedly, "You think I can't do it! But I'm the Adventure Guy! I'm designed for this sort of thing!"

He proceeded to search the chamber for a way out. GLaDOS watched him wander around, uselessly kicking the walls for about ten minutes before she just opened a panel on the wall.

"Aha! I'm outta here!" he yelled, charging out the panel.

Rick ran along the catwalk into a hallway. He stopped and looked around.

It was quiet. Too quiet.

_Why isn't she trying to stop me?_ Rick thought, _I've escaped, and I could cause some real damage outside of the test chambers!_

He paused and remembered that he spent most of his time outside of the test chambers without breaking anything. In fact, GLaDOS had only tested him once before; when he was first turned into a human.

Or… Maybe she had set a trap and was waiting for him! Well, ol' Rick would be able to get out of anything! She had no idea who she was dealing with!

As he planned his next attack, he strolled down the hallway and bumped into someone. He turned and saw that it was Chell, his rival in crime, who was walking in the opposite direction. She merely glanced at him and kept walking.

"Hold on there," Rick said, grabbing her wrist, "I just came from that direction after escaping one of GLaDOS's tests. That way is probably filled with danger!"

She immediately wrenched free of his grip. "Oh yeah? What were you doing in a test chamber?" she asked coldly.

"Testin', of course," Rick answered, gritting his teeth.

"Testing? GLaDOS usually prefers to not test idiots," Chell said, stating it like it was more of a fact than an insult.

"Oh yeah? Well I escaped!" Rick said triumphantly, "You see, I searched that entire chamber. Nothing gets past ol' Rick! Until finally, I found a panel that was out of place just enough that me and my lean, muscular body could fit through!"

He finished his story with a heroic pose, only to see that Chell had been walking away.

"Hey! I'm not through with you!" he yelled after her, "When I'm done with this place, what you did to it will seem like nothin'! I'll have GLaDOS on her hands and knees! You hear me? _Hands _and _knees_! I'll be the dangerous lunatic!"

Chell stopped and turned to face him, smirking. "First of all, when someone calls you a 'dangerous lunatic', they usually mean it as an insult, not a complement. You can trust me on that one. Secondly, GLaDOS doesn't have hands or knees, and even if she did, she would be too proud to get down on them, no matter what. Thirdly, if you really want to break my track record as the most dangerous test subject, you'll have to kill her, and I mean _really _kill her." She turned back, and kept walking.

"Fine! Then that's what I'll do!" he yelled confidently.

"You'll only get a lungful of neurotoxin," she called back calmly.

…

Rick tromped into the living area's kitchen, still frustrated at what Chell said. Glados was already in the kitchen, getting a drink of water. He shrugged, supposing that he could use a bit of advice.

"Yo, Glados," he greeted.

"What do you want?" Glados asked irritably, glaring at him.

"So, uh, how did Chell kill you? I mean, when you were an AI?" he asked, trying to just look curious.

Glados didn't seem to buy it. "Why don't you just ask my AI counterpart? She's the one with complete memory files, not that I don't remember."

"I just, uh, felt like I should, uh, talk to you…" he muttered.

She glared at him suspiciously. "Why do you even want to know?"

"Oh, no reason, no reason," he said quickly, "It's not like I want to try it myself…"

Glados gagged on her water. Rick looked at her, expecting to see shock or fear, but instead saw that, like her AI counterpart, she was laughing.

She regained her composure, and pulled a poster out of… somewhere.

"This is a flow chart," she explained, "It shows the people and equipment here in order of most dangerous to least dangerous. You can think of it as the food chain for Aperture Science."

Rick raised an eyebrow. "And this is important how?"

"It was made from the very detailed studies AI GLaDOS made during this entire mess that has been going on since we became humans," Glados explained.

"So that's what's been going on this whole time?"

"Some of it."

Glados pointed to the top of the flow chart, which showed a picture of GLaDOS.

"First, there's GLaDOS," she moved her hand to the pictures below it, "Then, there's me and Chell. Then, there are the other cores."

"And that's where I come in!" Rick interrupted.

"Not quite," she corrected. Rick realized that although all of the personality constructs except for him and Wheatley were in that group.

"Then, there's Wheatley," she went on, pointing to the fourth picture down the line.

"Then there's me?" Rick asked.

"I'm getting there," Glados said impatiently, moving her hand down the line, "Then, there's Sentry Rockets, there's Sentry Turrets, there's cubes, there's _Frankenturrets_, there's the Frankenturrets' _poo_… And then there's you."

"I didn't know Frankenturrets had poo…" Rick muttered, eyeing the poster.

"But do you see how bad of an idea it is for you to go after GLaDOS?" she pressed.

"Well, I think it's time I moved up in that little flow chart of yours! Tally ho!" Rick said confidently, leaving the room. Glados face palmed.

Rick walked out of the kitchen into the dining room, where Space and Curiosity were talking. He had a bad feeling about killing GLaDOS, she did provide the food and stuff, so maybe if he just destroyed a bunch of stuff he would get what he wanted. For that, he might need a little help.

"Hey, guys!" he called to Space and Curiosity, "How about we go on a little adventure?"

…

Rick led Space and Curiosity into a test chamber, armed with baseball bats. The chamber was the first real test chamber that you go through in Portal (and Portal 2, technically), with the cube, button, and chamberlock all separated by walls of glass and a blue portal switching between them while an orange portal stayed still.

"Alright, let's get smashin'!" Rick said excitedly, smacking a glass wall with his bat as hard as he could. The bat bounced right off harmlessly.

Space had entered the area with the cube and was attempting to break it, with no more success than Rick. Curiosity was hitting the button, but every time she hit it, the button just pressed down and the door opened for a second.

In layman's terms, they were trying to beat up a test chamber, but instead where beating up three perfectly good baseball bats.

"What are you doing?" GLaDOS asked, sounding more confused than angry. Did they really think a chamber could be destroyed with baseball bats? How did they even get the bats?

"Ooh, that's a good question! What are we doing?" Curiosity asked innocently, smiling brightly.

Rick stopped trying to break the glass and looked around at the chamber, seeing that it looked no different than how it was when they started.

"Uh… Failing, it looks like," he muttered.

A panel on the wall slid away. "Get out," GLaDOS ordered.

The three shrugged and left the chamber.

"Well, that was a waste of time," Rick muttered, having to admit that Chell still held the title of 'Most Dangerous'.

**A/N: Well, I finally did something that's not centered on Glados, Chell, and Wheatley! It was centered on Rick only because he was the only one I had an idea for. Personally, my favorite core is Space.**

**I'm thinking of having a random Question and Answer thingy. Has anyone been to or seen a video of a group of people, most likely cosplayers, doing a panel at a convention? Kind of like that. Just send reviews and PMs with any questions you want to ask. You can ask anyone in the story, and the questions don't have to be, and probably shouldn't be, serious or even have much to do with Portal. For all I care, you could ask, "Do you like Mudkips?" or "What would you do to a Twilight fangirl?"**

**If I don't know what to do about the party by the next chapter, that's what I'll do, unless I don't get enough questions. Then I won't do anything. So, send party ideas or questions. That should get us to at least 100 reviews!**


	17. Q and A

**A/N: OMG THERE ARE EXACTLY 100 REVIEWS (last time I checked)! Also, we have three extremely special guests here as well! I have no idea how they can be here without the universe exploding, but here they are!**

Everyone was in the Central AI Chamber, as well as a small crowd of reviewers and readers. The Aperture gang sat at a row of chairs in front of GLaDOS's mainframe that faced the group of chairs where the reviewers and readers sat. There was also a _massive _hole in the Fourth Wall.

"Wow, we did _not _expect this many people…" Wheatley pointed out, staring at the crowd.

"Yes, apparently, people like us for some reason," Chell replied, "Anyway, we're not going to say what questions come from who, and they are going to be mixed around."

"We also have the right to refuse to answer a question," Glados pointed out warningly.

"Right, and we also need to point out that the authoress still needs to get the Gummi Ship out of this chamber," Chell said, pointing to the ship that now looked more like a pile of rubble.

Oh, right, sorry! The ship vanishes into thin air. No one questions this.

"Alright, on with the questions!" Wheatley said cheerfully.

Several of the reviewers raised their hands. Glados pointed to a random person.

"This is a question for everyone," the person said, "If you wrote a book, what would you call it and why?"

"Space! I would call it Space!" Space answered.

"If we wrote a book?" Wheatley repeated, confused, "A book about what?"

"Science!" some random person in the audience shouted.

"Portal 2!" yelled someone else.

"If it's Portal 2 I might as well call it My Life," Chell stated, "But then again, there wouldn't be any reason to write it, since there's already a video game."

"I have to agree with that, I don't like writing," Wheatley agreed.

"I'd call it the Adventures of Rick!" Rick answered. He was ignored.

"Next question," Glados said boredly, "Yes, you."

"Chell, what did you do to the Companion Cube, and did you and Wheatley go back to being roommates?" a person asked.

"Did you read Chapter 13?" Chell countered, "GLaDOS crushed that cube!"

"I meant, what did you do with the pieces?"

"Oh, right, they were thrown back into the incinerator," Chell answered, "And yes, Wheatley moved back in the next day."

"Speaking of which, is there anyone here who hasn't read the entire story?" Glados asked.

"We haven't!" came a rather familiar British accent.

"Oh yeah, for some reason the canon Portal 2 characters are here. That explains the freaking massive hole in the Fourth Wall," Chell said calmly.

The Chell, Wheatley, and GLaDOS from the game were in the back, feeling very awkward. Wheatley, as a core, was sitting on Chell's lap and GLaDOS's core was leaning against Chell's chair.

"You haven't read all of the story? What are you even doing here?" Fanfic Chell asked.

"It's not like we're here voluntarily," Canon GLaDOS growled.

"It was just POOF and we were here! This place is so weird!" Canon Wheatley said excitedly, "And I have a question for this world's Chell."

"Okay," Fanfic Chell replied.

"How can you talk?"

Chell paused. "Uh, well, I don't know about _her_, but technically I could talk the entire time but didn't feel like it. It was kind of psychological, so blame her," she hooked her thumb back at Fanfic GLaDOS. "In fact, you can blame any psychological problem I have on her."

"Wait, are you saying that you have _more_ problems than that?" Canon GLaDOS asked curiously. For some reason Fanfic Chell burst out laughing at that comment.

"Weeell," Fanfic GLaDOS replied, "She has anger management issues, A.D.H.D…"

"Anyway," Fanfic Wheatley interrupted, "With them here, things can get _really _confusing, so ignoring them, let's move on."

"And you can't ask any of them questions, since that would defeat the purpose," Chell said, "So, more questions… You."

"Curiosity, did you kill Neuro?" someone asked.

"No, Neuro's right here!" Curiosity said happily, picking the grey kitten off the floor. He mewled cutely, eyeing the crowd.

A loud "Aww!" came from the crowd. "Can I pet him?" someone yelled.

Curiosity ran out into the crowd with the cat and the people gathered around, petting him. When everyone settled back down and Curiosity, put Neuro on the ground before returning to her seat. Neuro wandered around through the crowd, letting people pet him as he passed.

"Moving on… Yes, you," Glados pointed.

"Chell, do you like Wheatley?" the person asked.

"Define 'like'," Chell replied calmly, "Do I like making him look like an idiot, yes, do I _like_ him in the way that you're thinking, no."

"Wheatley, do you like Chell?" the same person pressed.

"Uh, well, um," Wheatley stuttered, "Uh, a sort of friend, I guess, but not like, not like _that_…"

"Do you know what the phrase 'Chelley" means?"

"I know what it means, and I'll kill you if you bring it up again!" Chell replied.

"No one's told me what it means…" Wheatley muttered.

"You don't want to know," she said exasperatedly, "Next question."

"AI GLaDOS, what happened when your human counterpart was on a massive sugar high?" a person asked.

The AI sighed, having hoped that she wouldn't get any questions. "Well… She was really just running laps around the chamber at high speeds, except she was running on the walls and ceiling…"

"Like a ninja?" someone shouted.

Everyone was eyeing Glados. "Hey, I have _no memory _of this. That's what sugar does to us," she defended.

"Moving on," GLaDOS said, "Yes, you, what's your question?"

"Why didn't you participate in the Portal spoof?" someone asked, "And what did Chell and Wheatley sing while they were escaping in the spoof?"

"What makes you think I would _ever _want anything to do with anything as idiotic as what they were doing?" GLaDOS growled.

"We were singing the Pokémon theme," Chell answered, ignoring GLaDOS's outburst, "Next question! You there!"

"Hey Wheatley, what on Earth possessed you to make Frankenturrets?" a person asked.

"Well, I didn't have any test subjects," Wheatley defended, "So I thought, 'why don't I make the tests solve themselves?' It seemed like a good idea at the time…"

"All of your ideas seem 'good at the time', until you actually try to do them," Chell pointed out, "Next question!"

"Space, did you ever say hi to the Sun?" someone asked.

"Yes! I said hi to the Sun! Several times while we were in space!" Space replied happily, "But, but the Sun never said hi back…" He suddenly looked sad.

Another loud "Aww…" came from the crowd, and Curiosity patted Space on the head.

"Next question!" Chell called.

"Glados, why don't you look like Caroline?"

Glados flicked a strand of her silverish blond hair out of her face. "Because she's the one with Caroline's memory files," Glados explained, glancing at GLaDOS, "There's no Caroline in me. Next question."

"Rick, if-" a person began.

"Finally! A question for me!" Rick interrupted, jumping out of his chair and running to the front of the audience.

"If you were trapped in a room with Caroline's rotting corps for six weeks-"

"That is just disgusting!" Chell interrupted, "Besides, Caroline's body was incinerated!"

Glados pulled Rick back to his chair. "Next question."

"Morality, if you could have any super power, what would it be?"

Morality thought for a moment. "I guess I would just be like Superman or something."

"Superman? Hey, Moral's not completely boring!" Wheatley said happily.

"She's one of us now! Almost, at least," Chell said.

"ONE OF US! ONE OF US!" Everyone started chanting.

"NEXT QUESTION!" Wheatley yelled over the chanting.

"This is for either GLaDOS," a person said after the chanting settled down.

"Okay?" Glados said.

"Can I hug you?"

"No," GLaDOS immediately replied.

"I'm not sure _how_ you can hug the AI, but human Glados…" Chell yanked Glados out of her seat and pushed her toward the audience. A girl ran out of the crowd, hugged her, and ran back. Glados awkwardly sat back down. "Next question," Chell called calmly.

"Hey Wheatley, what would you do if a random girl walked up to you, kissed you, and then walked away?"

Several people in the audience started to giggle.

"I… Don't… Know," Wheatley replied, looking confused.

"He'd probably freeze up and just stand there for half an hour until we finally push him over," Chell joked.

"Next question," Glados called, unamused.

"What do you guys think of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic?" someone yelled.

"My Little Pony? Why would we have anything to do with something as insignificant as that?" Glados asked exasperatedly.

"We tend to avoid such things," Chell said, "As for the 'friendship is magic' part, I have to disagree since me and GLaDOS are apparently friends but I still get threats of neurotoxin. Go figure."

"Next question," Glados called.

"This is for all of the cores; what do you guys think about being human?"

"We're definitely more mobile, I'll tell you that!" Wheatley replied cheerfully.

"Space!" Space said happily.

"I finally have a waist for all of my black belts!" Rick said, putting his hands on his hips.

"You don't have any black belts, or any belts at all for that matter," Chell pointed out.

"What? Yes I-" he looked down at his waist and realized she was right.

"I can find stuff out for myself instead of only being able to ask people!" Curiosity said brightly. "Speaking of which… What's that?" She wandered off.

"I can bake cakes… among other things," Intelligence said in a monotone voice.

"I can break people's necks…" Anger muttered, eyeing the reviewers agitatedly.

"And I can stop you," Morality warned. She walked into the crowd, found the cat, and set him on Anger's lap. Anger immediately calmed down, petting Neuro fondly.

"Um, next question," Chell called.

"GLaDOS, what would you do to a Twilight fan?" some person yelled.

"Remember what I said about what I'd do to Wheatley?" GLaDOS replied.

"You mean when you were a potato?" Chell snickered.

"Yes… First, they'd spend a year in the incinerator. Year two: Cryogenic refrigeration wing. Then TEN years in the chamber I built where all the robots scream at you," the AI explained sadistically, "THEN I'd kill them."

Several of the reviewers whooped in agreement, which was a little scary. But then again, no sane person, and no person who is insane in a good way, likes Twilight.

"Next question?" GLaDOS called in a frighteningly cheerful voice.

"What happened to all of the Frankenturrets?"

"They were destroyed," Glados answered.

"Not all of them," Chell corrected, "I can still see some wandering around. It's like they're breeding or something…"

"Breeding Frankenturrets…" Wheatley muttered, shuddering, "Uh, next question. You, in the back!"

"AI GLaDOS, if there's a random explosion, who do you blame first?"

"Wheatley. Next question," GLaDOS answered immediately.

"GLaDOS-" a person began.

"I have a bad feeling about this," the AI muttered.

"What would you do if you were told that there were several bombs strapped all over your mainframe that were set to go off unless you sang the Barney theme song in front of everyone-"

"WHY WOULD YOU ASK THAT?" GLaDOS yelled angrily, making the humans below her jump.

"Let's just move on…" Chell suggested nervously, "You, what's your question?"

"P-body, I want you to know that I haven't forgotten you!" the person yelled.

P-body squealed happily, ran out into the audience, and hugged that person. Meanwhile, the rest of the Aperture gang muttered, "Who is that?" to each other.

"Next question… You," Wheatley called, pointing.

"Fact, where do you get your facts?" a person asked.

"Internet," Fact replied, "Fact: You have a question." He pointed to someone in the crowd.

"Intelligence, what is that white stuff in Chicken McNuggets made out of?" someone asked.

"White boneless chicken, water, food starch-modified, salt, seasoning-autolyzed yeast extract, wheat starch, natural flavoring as a botanical source, safflower oil,

dextrose, citric acid- rosemary, sodium phosphates, canola oil, mono- and diglycerides, extractives of rosemary. Battered and breaded with: water,

enriched flour, bleached wheat flour, niacin, reduced iron, thiamin mononitrate, riboflavin, folic acid, yellow corn flour, food starch-modified, salt, leavening-baking

soda, sodium acid pyrophosphate, sodium aluminum phosphate, monocalcium phosphate, calcium lactate- spices, wheat starch, whey, corn starch. Prepared in

vegetable oil, Canola oil, corn oil, soybean oil, hydrogenated soybean oil with TBHQ and citric acid added to preserve freshness. Dimethylpolysiloxane added as an

antifoaming agent," Intelligence recited calmly.

"I've never heard of over half that stuff," Chell muttered.

"I know what all of those ingredients are," GLaDOS said, "You probably shouldn't be eating that…"

"So, how much of a Chicken McNugget is chicken?" Wheatley asked.

"44%," Intelligence replied.

"Um, okay, moving on," Wheatley said, "Uh, what's your question?"

"Morality, if everyone got into one huge argument, aside from yourself, what would you do to calm everyone down?"

"Well," Morality said, "I would probably do something to distract them from the argument, like Neuro, or a slinky."

"Ha, how could that work?" Chell asked jokingly.

Morality handed her a slinky, and for the next five minutes _everyone _was entertained by it.

"Moving on," Morality said calmly, "Yes, you."

"Hey, Curiosity!" someone in the audience yelled.

"Oh, yes? What's the question?" Curiosity asked excitedly, turning away from the slinky.

"What's most interesting to you?"

"Oh, hmm, let's see, oh, there's so many things… Hey, what's that?" Curiosity suddenly wandered into the crowd to examine a reviewer's hat, which looked like a dinosaur's head.

"Well, it seems you're not the only one with A.D.H.D, Chell-" GLaDOS looked down and noticed that Chell had lost interest in the slinky and was examining the hat with Curiosity. "Right, next question."

"I have a question," said Canon GLaDOS spoke up, "According to the summary of this story, the AIs were put into human bodies for experiments, but as far as I can tell, absolutely _nothing_ related to science has been done."

"Fact: That was a statement, not a question," Fact corrected.

"Alright, then here's the question," C. GLaDOS said in a darkly calm voice, "Why are the humans still alive after all of this?"

"Well, you see, the reason for that is-" Glados began to explain, but couldn't without giggling when she saw Chell run over and put the dinosaur hat on C. GLaDOS's core, making even C. Chell and Wheatley laugh, as well as the reviewers.

"Alright! Next question!" Chell said happily, running back to the front.

"Space, what's your favorite thing about space?"

"SPACE!" Space replied excitedly, "Space is my favorite thing about space!"

"Alright, uh, you, what's your question?" Wheatley called, pointing.

"Rick, don't you have anything better to do than hit on girls or pretend to have adventures?" someone asked.

"Hey! I don't pretend to go on adventures!" Rick yelled, "I've had real live, action-packed, epic-"

"Next question!" Glados interrupted, "Yes, you!"

"Okay Wheatley, if you had a sledge hammer and one hour without supervision-" a person said, snickering.

"That would never happen!" Glados interrupted.

"Uh, I'm not sure what I'd do," Wheatley admitted.

"Wheatley doesn't tend to break things on purpose. It'd be _me_ you'd have to worry about," Chell pointed out.

"Yeah, let's go with that," Wheatley muttered, "Uh… You, next question."

"Human Glados, if you had to hug either Chell or Wheatley, who would you hug and why?"

"What is with humans and hugging?" Glados asked, "I've had enough with hugs after the first time…"

"No one said that you actually had to hug anyone," Chell muttered, "But whatever. Uh, you," she pointed to someone.

"AI GLaDOS, did you ever have Chef Core or a Music Core?"

"Chef Core or Music Core? Why would I ever need either of those?" the AI questioned.

"Next question," Glados ordered.

"Wheatley and both GLaDOSes," a person called, "Do you guys want to meet my pet?" Said person pulled out a condor.

"BIRD! BIRD! KILL IT! IT'S EVIL!" The AI and both humans screamed, much to the amusement of everyone else. It wasn't so funny when the room began to fill with neurotoxin, though. Luckily, the neurotoxin stopped before things could get too bad.

However, the condor was dead and Wheatley had fainted.

"Oh, it seems neurotoxin affects birds faster than humans," GLaDOS noted sadistically, "I'll keep that in mind."

"Do birds really freak him out that much?" Glados asked, staring at Wheatley, "He was never _eaten_ by one."

"It's not the bird, it's the neurotoxin," Chell explained calmly, "Remember when he was caught after setting a cheese bomb off in here? He's still freaked out by what GLaDOS told him about neurotoxin."

"Alright, then," Glados said calmly, "Next question. Yes, you."

"Space, how do you feel about America's steady climb to recovery, and how soon will people be able to pay for Aperture Brand stuff?"

"Who what space?" Space said, cocking his head to the side in confusion.

"America is recovering?" Chell asked, "I thought they were still in the ditch."

"How would you know? You're Canadian!" Wheatley said, suddenly jumping up.

"You're British, how would you know?" Chell countered, "And I'm not really Canadian, that was mostly a reason to use that rant."

"Look, they're still 14 trillion dollars in debt," Glados pointed out, "And I heard that the government isn't helping."

"We're not going to sell Aperture Brand equipment simply because Aperture has been cut off from humanity for over two hundred years, almost three hundred," GLaDOS explained, "Selling would only require contact with humans other than Aperture's own and the readers of this fanfiction."

"Alright, next question," Chell said.

"Chell, do you miss the Companion Cube?" a person asked.

"No. Moving on," she replied.

A loud "Oooohhh!" came from the crowd.

"What? It was a box with hearts on it!" she defended, "Next question!'

"Glados, if a portal leads to all portals, does it lead to itself?" someone asked.

"Wait, what?" Glados asked, coming closer.

"Not listening, not listening," GLaDOS muttered repeatedly to herself.

"If a portal leads to all portals, does it lead to itself?" the person repeated.

Glados blinked and suddenly collapsed.

"Uh, I think we just killed Glados… again," Wheatley muttered.

Chell checked her pulse. "Nope, sorry guys," Chell reported jokingly, "Uh, you, you've had your hand up for a while."

"Chell, if you could change the colors of the portals, what would they be?" the person asked.

"Anything but orange. I think we've had enough of that," Chell pointed out, "I guess they would be red and… err, oh, whatever, rainbow or something."

"One portal would be red and the other would be rainbow…?" GLaDOS repeated confusedly.

Chell shrugged. "It's not like I would actually change them."

"Alright," Glados said, suddenly getting up, "That's all the time we have, so, it's time that you all get out."

"And remember, the party is in the next chapter!" Chell reminded them.

"We have literally no idea what to do, well, we have a vague idea, but other than that, yeah, we still need ideas," Wheatley said.

The reviewers and readers filtered out of the fanfic, and the canon characters left as well. What were they even doing here?

**A/N: So, yeah. Listen to them and send ideas. I don't think I'll have the Canon Characters randomly appear again, though. Chell will, however, act a bit more A.D.H.D from now on, and so will Wheatley and Glados. That should be fun!**


	18. Party!

**A/N: Okay guys, basically, if you're reading this, you're at the party. The OC's will just be mixed in with the reviewers. They won't be main characters, and each will probably be mentioned once, sorry if you were expecting your OC to be rocking out with Glados, Chell, and Wheatley. However, they will probably be rocking out Dance Dance Revolution when they're not being mentioned.**

**Also, I probably won't include the full description of the OC's. I'll probably just describe their hair and eyes.**

**And guys, the food chain thing was a reference to Demyx Time, not Shark Tale.**

**But then again **_**they**_** got that as a reference from Shark Tale…**

The camera turned on, facing Wheatley, who was sitting on the couch in the living room. Chell was sitting a little ways behind him on a chair.

"Oi, mates!" Wheatley called to the readers, "As you know from the author's note, if you're reading this, you're one of the readers at our 100 reviews party. So, we decided to give you some advice on how to survive in Aperture." He glanced back at Chell. "Apparently, I don't give good advice. So, Chell's going to give it to you."

"Why me?" Chell asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Because you're the only other person here," Wheatley replied quietly, "So, your sagely advice…"

"Uh…" she began.

"Words of wisdom…"

"Wheatley…"

"In your own words…"

"SHUT. UP."

Chell walked over to the couch, pushed Wheatley to the side, and sat down in front of the camera.

"First of all, never accept information from Fact, Rick, or Wheatley," she advised.

"What's wrong with my information?" Wheatley whined.

"You're a moron," she replied simply, "More importantly, though, if you ever have to do anything science related with GLaDOS, believe it or not, your best option is testing. If she wants to do any other form of experimentation, run for your freaking life."

"Usually people wouldn't want to test," he commented.

"They don't know the other option," Chell replied.

"What's the other option?"

She sighed. "Remember that one time…"

(Flashback)

Wheatley was sitting on the couch in the living area, looking at Chell, who was standing beside him.

"If I'm not back in half an hour, please, come save me," she instructed seriously.

"Okay," he promised.

(2 hours later)

Wheatley was sleeping on the couch. Suddenly, he was awoken by a cube hitting his face.

"I said half an hour," Chell said, seething.

"Uh-huh," Wheatley replied calmly.

"You didn't come."

"Ohh…"

"I now have no bone marrow," Chell reported, glaring at him.

"Oh… Um, how-how do you feel?" Wheatley asked, trying to be friendly. She sat down on the couch beside him.

"She put something else in… It's like I can't-" Chell suddenly slapped him in the face. She grabbed the cube and proceeded to beat him with it harshly. "WHY DIDN'T YOU COME TO SAVE ME?"

(End Flashback)

"Ohh…" Wheatley said, remembering. "So… What's the other option, exactly?"

Chell glared at him harshly. "You will end up with either A, no bone marrow, B, some sort of alteration, or C, a throbbing headache with no memory of the experiment, or any memory for that matter."

"Uh, what do you mean by 'some sort of alteration'?" Wheatley asked nervously, like he didn't really want to know.

"Have you noticed that I haven't been wearing Long Fall Boots recently?" Chell asked casually.

"You haven't? Why not?"

"I don't need to any more."

"Oh… You asked me to come save you that time too, didn't you?" Wheatley asked guiltily.

"Yes."

Wheatley paused for a moment. "Whatever happened with the whole 'bone marrow' thing?"

"She put it back in," Chell answered, shrugging.

"Did you ask me to-"

"I didn't bother."

They turned the camera off. Now, on to the party, which will probably fail…

…

A group of reviewers gathered in the movie theater. Luckily, a rope ladder was installed, so they didn't have to shoot through a portal. Chell, Wheatley, and Glados stood in front of the screen, facing them, with the cores spread out around them.

Along the wall that didn't have the shelves full of DVD's, were several tables covered in snacks and drinks, including four cakes.

"Okay guys, I know that you've all read my 'words of advice' a few paragraphs ago," Chell began, "but we need to say a few more things before the party starts. First of all, notice those four cakes over there," she pointed to them, "Two of them are fine, one is a sugar high-inducing cake like the one in Chapter 4, and one is the dangerous cake that Intelligence keeps talking about."

"We're not sure which one's which," Glados explained, "But if a slice tastes funny, or if you find something in it like one of the needle injectors, tell us which cake it came from."

"This isn't important just so that you guys don't, you know, _die_ on us, like the rest of the rules, but also because, apparently, AI GLaDOS needs the needle injectors back," Chell went on, "Don't ask why, though. We don't know; we don't _want_ to know."

"Mates, the best way to avoid trouble is to just stay in the living area," Wheatley said, "Don't go into the test chambers, don't go into the Central AI Chamber, don't even go into the maintenance areas."

As soon as he finished saying that, they noticed that half the reviewers were gone.

"Okay, um, as for those of you who are still here, I should remind you that what we're doing is completely destroying the Fourth Wall," Chell said, "And That One Guy will have our heads… Or at least try to. To keep him from crashing our party, we'll need to-"

She was suddenly cut off when P-body suddenly ran into the room and came up to her, whispering in her ear.

"What? _Seriously_? On a day like this?" she asked P-body irritably. P-body just nodded. "Fine… I have to go." Chell walked off.

"Right… As she was about to say," Glados said, "We have to capture TOG, and as we mentioned before, make him into a piñata. Since Chell isn't here, is anyone else willing to-"

"WE WILL!" three OC's yelled, jumping up. Two were girls, one with shoulder length, messy brown hair and almost black eyes (apparently named Roxanne) and one with layered chin length ginger hair and green eyes (apparently named Alex), and one guy, who had long, messy brown hair that was tied back in a ponytail and brown eyes (apparently named Jack).

"Uh, alright," Wheatley said nervously, "He's probably by the Fourth Wall… Wherever that is exactly…"

The three ran off excitedly.

"Okaaay," Wheatley muttered. He looked at the waiting reviewers. "Um… Let's set up Dance Dance Revolution, then, shall we?"

…

"What exactly is the point of this?" Chell asked exasperatedly, "I'm pretty sure these cubes are defective…"

There was silence for a moment.

"Yes, the cubes are defective," GLaDOS finally answered, "They are Aperture Science Unweighted Storage Cubes. They're completely hollow."

Chell face palmed. "Then what's the point if they can't press a button?"

Again there was silence.

"I don't know."

For some reason, ever since this fanfic started everyone's sanity and maturity has been cut in half, and appears to still be declining. Chell set an Aperture Science Unweighted Storage Cube in front of a laser. Well, at least it could block a laser, for a little while, at least, until it burnt through.

"There's also Aperture Science Even Less Weighted Storage Cubes," GLaDOS pointed out randomly, "They're basically the same, except the sides are made from thin sheets of aluminum, they're airtight, and completely filled with hydrogen."

A dispenser opened, and a cube drifted down, accelerating slowly, and hit the ground with barely a thud.

"Again, what's the-wait, did you say, 'hydrogen'?" Chell asked curiously.

"Yes?" The AI replied confusedly.

Chell picked up the Aperture Science Even Less Weighted Storage Cube, which felt like it was a cubic metal balloon, and put it in front of the laser.

Here's some physical science: The laser heated the hydrogen inside the cube, causing it to expand, making the faces of the cube bulge out slightly. When the laser burned through the side, the flammable hydrogen ignited, expanding with explosive power, making the cube blow up.

Okay, hydrogen might not be that explosive, but then again, look at what happened to the hydrogen-filled Hindenburg. This is at least plausible, right? Besides, I didn't specify how thin the sides of the cube were. As far as you know, and as far as _I_ know, they could be less than one millimeter thick.

Anyway, the cube exploded. A piece of hot, sharp aluminum from the cube hit Chell in the face, below her eye.

"Well, explosions are fun," Chell commented calmly, with her hand over where the piece hit, "Unless you're in one, of course."

"Right… The testing is over. You're dismissed," GLaDOS ordered.

"We didn't even test anything," Chell muttered exasperatedly.

"We were testing the Aperture Science Even Less Weighted Storage Cube," the AI said, "Results were very informative: Not only are they completely worthless, they are also explosive."

Chell shrugged and left the chamber.

…

"Oh, c'mon, c'mon," Rick muttered frustratedly, moving his feet as quickly as he could.

Back in the movie theater, the reviewers cheered as Morality completely creamed Rick at Dance Dance Revolution.

…

Two OC's wandered through the facility, despite the fact that they were told to stay in the living area.

One was a guy with blondish hair and green eyes. The other was a tall guy with long brown hair and blue eyes.

"So, are you sure this is a good idea?" the blond guy, whose name was apparently Joshua, or Josh, asked his companion.

"Whatever," the other guy, named Bryce, replied, "Why are you even with me, anyway? You're from a different reviewer."

"I don't know," Josh replied, shrugging.

Suddenly they came across a Frankenturret, which was hobbling along a hallway. Curiously, the two followed it, since it almost seemed to know where it was going.

They followed it for a while into the more dilapidated areas of the facility. The Frankenturret led them to what looked like the entrance a large, dark shaft. It wasn't vertical, but was horizontal, and looked to be just a little smaller than a subway tunnel. Bryce shined his flashlight into it, and the two gasped.

The walls of the shaft were completely covered with _hundreds _of Frankenturrets. They were even on the ceiling of it; somehow they had found a way to climb walls like insects.

"Oh my god, they _are_ breeding," Josh breathed.

At the sound of his voice, the Frankenturrets seemed to freeze, their optics staring at the OC's.

"Oh, crap-" barely before Bryce could finish his words, the Frankenturrets mobbed them.

…

The cores in the movie theater were popping bags after bags of popcorn while the reviewers voted on what movie they were going to watch.

Suddenly, Roxanne, Alex, and Jack ran into the room, carrying TOG, who was tied up with Aperture Science Super Duty Cable.

"We caught our piñata!" Alex called cheerfully. TOG struggled and yelled profanity that this fanfic would have to be rated M to repeat.

The reviewers cheered, and someone yelled, "TIE HIM TO THE CEILING!"

As they did so, Rick left the room to get some baseball bats. Lots of baseball bats.

…

A reviewer, not one of the OC's, was sitting inside the large auditorium that the turrets sing in at the end of Portal 2. The only other one here now, though, was a single lone turret that she was sitting beside.

"I'm lost," the turret commented.

"Me too," the reviewer replied.

…

"Morality," GLaDOS said through the speakers in the movie theater, causing several fangirl squeals to erupt from many of the reviewers.

Morality rolled her eyes and jumped through the hole in the ground that led to the movie theater to go somewhere more private.

"Do you have all of the reviewers under control?" GLaDOS asked.

"Well," Morality replied, glancing back up through the hole, "They all seem to be having a pretty good time up there."

In fact, after they were done beating the crap out of That One Guy, they had voted to watch Aladdin, and for some reason all of the Aperture Gang and half the reviewers knew 'A Whole New World' by heart and were singing along.

"That's not the point," GLaDOS said impatiently, "The point is I've already had to pull five of them away from the incinerator, and at least twenty out of the test chambers!"

"Oh…" Morality muttered, "We did see some leave…"

"And you didn't try to stop them?"

"Reviewers are a very elusive breed," Morality said very seriously.

"So is Chell, but I can still keep an eye on her," GLaDOS pointed out darkly.

"Speaking of which, where is she?" Morality asked curiously.

"She's been helping me round up the reviewers," the AI reported, "She needs help getting two OC's out of a mob of Frankenturrets. Send out Glados and Wheatley, and make sure to keep the remaining reviewers under control."

Morality nodded and climbed the rope ladder into the theater.

…

Wheatley and Glados caught up to Chell at the entrance to the shaft. She had a bandage on her cheek, and was watching from a safe distance a writhing mob of Frankenturrets. The two OC's were barely visible underneath them, screaming like little girls.

"Oi," Wheatley greeted, eyeing her face, "What happened to you?"

"Testing," Chell answered, rolling her eyes, "I'll explain later." She looked back at the attacking mob, "Any idea on how to get them out of there?"

"Yes," he replied seriously, "But we need a large, fighting robot."

Glados and Chell both gave him exasperated looks.

"Okay," Glados sighed, "Look, AI GLaDOS is turning a Thermal Discouragement Beam on around here, which is why I have a Discouragement Redirection Cube," she explained, holding a cube.

"That could work," Chell said, eyeing the Frankenturrets with an evil smile.

A red laser turned on behind them, and Glados used the cube to point it at the mob. The OC's shrieked when the laser passed over them, but the Frankenturrets weren't affected at all.

"Maybe we _do_ need a robot?" Wheatley suggested hopefully as Glados set the cube down, pointing the laser at a pile of debris.

"This entire place is run by a robot," Chell replied, rolling her eyes, "We just need to try something else."

The pile of debris that the laser was pointed at suddenly caught fire, sending a ripple of alarm through the mob of Frankenturrets. They began to surge away from the fire, clambering over each other to escape.

"They don't like fire?" Wheatley asked, raising an eyebrow.

"If they don't like fire, then they wouldn't have liked the laser," Glados observed, "It's _smoke_ they don't like."

In fact, the Frankenturrets that were in or near the smoke were the ones who were panicking the most.

They each picked up the non-burning ends of sticks that were in the pile of burning debris, waving the Frankenturrets away from them to clear a path to the struggling OC's. Soon they were able to use the fire and smoke to get the attackers away from them.

The two OC's stood up shakily and quickly followed the trio back to the party.

Chell glanced back at the retreating mob. "Why do I feel like there's going to be an entire chapter devoted to this?"

…

When they returned to the party, Space, Fact, and Curiosity were playing 'Want You Gone' on Rock Band… somehow.

Glancing around at everyone, Chell noted that no one had followed her advice. A few were talking about how they heard Brie Cheese would explode if they didn't have a marmoset, several were complaining about their lack of bone marrow, some were running around with superhuman speed (which might just be the sugary cake), and a few were asking around to see if anyone knew who they were and what was happening.

"Okay guys," Chell called, getting everyone's attention, "The party's coming to a close, and we've decided to go out with a bang… Literally."

"We have?" Glados and Wheatley simultaneously questioned her as the reviewers whooped with joy.

Chell didn't answer but grinned evilly.

…

"These," Chell explained, leaning on a large pile of cubes, "Are Aperture Science Even Less Weighted Storage Cubes. They're hollow, their sides are thin but airtight, and they are filled with hydrogen. If you've ever had a decent physical science class, you know that hydrogen is flammable, and when a gas heats up, flammable or no, it expands." She paused, eyeing the listening reviewers as they stood near the incinerator. She grinned wickedly. "So, class, what do you think will happen when we toss all these potentially explosive cubes in the incinerator?"

She picked up one of the cubes and tossed it in the fires of the incinerator. The reviewers joined in, grabbing cubes and throwing them in before retreating away from the fire pit.

The group gathered just outside of the incinerator room with the Aperture Gang, waiting.

Suddenly there was a burst of flames that roared out of the incinerator, making everyone jump back as the flames leapt toward them. Once they got over the shock of the explosion, and despite the fact that several of them had burns and all of them were covered with soot, the group began to cheer.

"WHAT… THE H#$%... HAPPENED?" GLaDOS demanded furiously, making everyone freeze with horror.

"Crap, she noticed the explosion," Wheatley whispered fearfully.

Glados rounded on him. "No duh, moron!"

As if on cue, all of the reviewers, whether they remembered who they were or not, jumped through the Fourth Wall to escape.

"TAKE US WITH YOUUUUU!" Wheatley yelled desperately, wiping ash off his face.

"Oh no, you're not going _anywhere_," GLaDOS assured sadistically.

**A/N: Oh my gawd. I don't know what to say. I wonder if this lived up to your expectations.**

**I have just two more chapters that I have ideas for, so we'll get to at least Chapter 24 before I have to take a break from this. By the way, to the person who repeatedly requested a musical, congratulations. **


	19. The Musical

**A/N: Random Deep Voice: Hello everyone!**

**Normal Voice: Okay, so I'm still working on this next chapter, and it's taking a while since I want to go ahead and finish up The Red Sphere and continue with ASHEaDE. It's also probably because a random idea for yet another Portal fanfiction just popped up. Introducing my new OC prototypes, Christina (Tina for short) and Ivy! They are twin sisters who were among the humans in the vault that ATLAS and P-body found, and were sent into Cooperative Testing. They look exactly alike, but have **_**very **_**different personalities and fight constantly. Here's one scene that I've come up with for them. Let me know if you think they could have their own fic.**

"Alright," Ivy called, "My portals are in position. Press the button!"

Christina walked back to the button that would activate the dispenser, which contained the Repulsion Gel they needed. She pressed the button, knowing that the gel would fall into one of Ivy's portals and out the other onto the surface they needed it to be on. However, unbeknownst to her, just before the gel fell into the first portal, Ivy changed the position of the second one.

Suddenly, Tina found herself covered in Repulsion Gel. "IVYYYYY!" she yelled angrily, turning to her sister who had almost fallen over from laughing so hard. "YOU KNOW THAT I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS!"

"What're you gonna do?" Ivy laughed, "Bounce on me?"

"Oh, yeah," Tina muttered to herself, running toward her sister, the gel on her boots allowing her to take long strides. She rammed her gel-covered shoulder into Ivy, and with the Repulsion gel combined with the force of the hit; Ivy went flying backwards, knocking down an entire line of turrets, who were turned to the side, in the process. She hit the wall, and had somehow avoided getting shot. Now it was Tina's turn to laugh.

"Stop that, both of you!" came the female computerized voice. A hose appeared behind Tina and proceeded to blast her full force, cleaning off the gel.

**So, um, that's all I have so far. Basically, Ivy is more headstrong while Christina is more careful. Ivy would jump onto an Aerial Faith Plate to see where it leads while Tina would thoroughly eye the area to figure it out. However, they can each act almost exactly like the other, and behave so similarly that even GLaDOS might get them mixed up if their portal guns didn't have differently colored stripes like ATLAS and P-body's.**

**And now, here's the real chapter! It's the musical! All the songs are listed in order at the end, in case you want to look them up as we go along.**

"OIIIIII!" Wheatley yelled, running into the living room. Chell, Space, Curiosity, and Rick were already in the room, and looked at him with confusion. "Mates, I have some bad news. Well, I also have some good news, but the good news led to the bad news," Wheatley announced.

"Ooh, what's the bad news? What's the good news? How did the good news lead to the bad news?" Curiosity inquired.

"Morality has cured Anger's anger problem," Wheatley said seriously.

"Isn't that a good thing…?" Chell asked.

"Yes, well, no, because now that he's not angry, he's all sad and depressed," Wheatley explained, "We've got to cheer him up or something!"

"Space? Could we take him to space?" Space suggested.

"Who would be happy about goin' into _space_?" Rick retorted. Space shot him a glare. "Oh, err, I mean, uh…"

"Wait, doesn't Anger usually sulk whenever he's not growling?" Chell pointed out.

"Yes, but he doesn't growl at all any more and his sulking is worse!" Wheatley said, "C'mon, I'll show you."

He led them down the hallway to the bathroom. He opened the door a bit, and they all poked their heads in.

Anger was inside, holding his hairbrush like a microphone, dancing slightly as he sang:

"I'm an emo kid, non-conforming as can be

You'd be non-conforming too if

You looked just like me

I have paint on my nails and make-up on my face

I'm almost emo enough to start shaving my legs

'Cause I feel real deep when I'm dressing in drag

I call it freedom of expression,

Most just call me a fag

'Cause our dudes look like chicks,

And our chicks look like dykes

'Cause emo is one step below transvestite!

Stop my breathing and slit my throat (He paused to do an epic hair flip)

I must be emo

I don't jump around when I go to shows (He paused again and spun around)

I must be emo!"

He noticed people watching and threw his hairbrush down.

"WHAT'RE YOU LOOKIN'- I mean, please go away," Anger said. The others quickly closed the bathroom door.

"I hate to admit it, but you're right," Chell muttered.

"This looks like a job for a hero!" Rick announced, striking a 'heroic' aka 'moronic' pose.

"Rick, you're not impressing anyone," Chell pointed out seriously.

"So, how are we supposed to cheer Anger up?" Curiosity asked.

"Don't worry, I've got an idea!" Wheatley announced.

"Okay," Chell said simply, leading everyone else back to the living room, "When your plan fails, we'll be waiting."

"It might not- oh, whatever," Wheatley grumbled, following them.

…

Anger walked into the living area where all of the other previously mentioned characters were.

"Hello, Anger!" Wheatley greeted cheerfully. Anger just nodded to him, and continued on his way.

"Wait!" Wheatley said, getting in front of him to stop him, "Uh… Do you know what the point of this fanfiction is?"

"There is no point," Anger replied solemnly.

"Yes there is a point!" Wheatley corrected, "The point is to have fun!" He paused, and saw that so far he had no reaction out of Anger. "Uh, the point is also to make people laugh!"

"Laugh at our pain and suffering," Anger mumbled.

"No, not pain and suffering," Wheatley said. A piano somehow appeared, and Wheatley somehow learned how to play it. He sat down and played as he said, "Now, the world is so full of a number of things, I'm sure we should all be as happy as… But are we?"

"No…" Anger replied sadly.

Wheatley hits some keys on the piano, "No!" he repeated, "Definitely no! Positively no! Decidedly no!" he struck keys after each time he said 'no', "Uh-uh." He played a short tune. "Short people have long faces, and long people have short faces," he said, trying to make funny impressions of this, "Big people have little humor, and little people have no humor at all!" He spun around and sat on top of the piano, his feet striking keys. He saw that he had gotten no reaction out of Anger. "But, in this fic, we have only one purpose!" he said, walking along the piano's keyboard. He jumped off of it and began to sing and dance:

"Make 'em laugh,

Make 'em laugh!

Don't you know everyone wants to laugh?

Ha ha!

My dad said "Be an actor, my son ("You don't have a dad," Anger pointed out.)

But be a comical one!

They'll be standing in lines

For those old honky tonk monkeyshines!"

Now you could study Shakespeare and be quite elite,

And you can charm the critics and have nothin' to eat!

Just slip on a banana peel,

The world's at your feet!

Make 'em laugh!

Make 'em laugh!

Make 'em laugh!

Make 'em laugh,

Make 'em laugh!

Don't you know everyone wants to laugh?

My grandpa said go out and tell 'em a joke

But give it plenty of hoke!

Make 'em roar!

Make 'em scream!

Take a fall,

But a wall,

Split a seam!

You start off by pretending

You're a dancer with grace

You wiggle 'till they're

Giggling all over the place

And then you get a great big custard pie in the face!

Make 'em laugh!

Make 'em laugh!

Make 'em laugh!"

He proceeded to run into the wall to make his point, but saw that Anger was walking out the door.

"Wait!" Wheatley called after him, but he was ignored.

…

Anger walked into the more dilapidated areas of the facility, where it was cool and dark, and he could be alone. Those were his favorite things.

He took a deep breath of the damp air, but suddenly jumped when someone appeared beside him.

"Hey," Chell said calmly.

"You have an annoying habit of sneaking up on people," Anger said, trying to keep his anger down, "What do you want?"

"Well, considering that Wheat's plan to cheer you up failed, and I do know a song called the Happy Song-"

"Are you going to sing?"

"Eh, no," she replied, much to his relief, "But, I will play it on an iPod that's somehow hooked up to the sound system in this room."

"What-?"

Suddenly a song blasted from the speakers.

"I am really special 'cause there's only one of me!

Look at my smile, I'm so (bleep) happy; the people are jealous of me!

When I'm sad and lonely, I like to sing this song

It cheers me up and shows me that I won't be sad for long!

Oh oh oh!

I'm so happy, I can barely breathe

Puppy dogs and sugar frogs and kittens, baby teeth

Watch out all you mothers, I'm happy as hardcore

Happy as a coupon for a $20 (Oops! Can't mention that!)

Hahahaha!

I'm really happy, I'm sugar coated me,

Happy, good, anger, bad, that's my philosophy!"

"I can't do this, I'm not happy," Anger muttered. But the song went on:

"I'm really special, 'cause there's only one of me!

Look at my smile, I'm so (bleep) happy; the people are jealous of me

These are my lovehandles, and this is my spout,

But if you tip me over, than mama said knock you out!

I'm special, I'm happy, I'm gonna heave

Welcome to my happy world, now get your (bleep) and leave!

I'm happy, I'm good, I'm...

I'm outta here!

Screw you!"

And then the song ended.

"Hmm… That might have not been the most appropriate choice," Chell muttered to herself.

"Yeah," Anger grumbled in agreement, leaving.

"That _was_ a really bad choice," GLaDOS commented.

"What? You said you didn't use the sound system here anymore!" Chell pointed out.

…

Anger walked back into the living area, only to be stopped by Rick.

"Hey, buddy!" Rick greeted.

"I'm not your buddy," Anger said coldly, "I'm not anyone's buddy."

"See, I think that's what your problem is," Rick said matter-of-factly, "If you had more friends, you wouldn't be so sulky."

"It's odd that this is coming from a guy on the bottom of the food chain," Anger muttered, trying to push past.

"Hey, I can tell you how to get friends!" Rick protested, stopping him.

"Then why don't you have any friends?" Anger growled.

"I have plenty of friends!" Rick defended, "Look, the point is," he began to sing:

"Whenever I see someone less fortunate than I,

And let's face it, who isn't less fortunate than I?

My… Adventurous heart tends to start to bleed,

And when someone needs… Some help,

I simply have to take over

I know, I know, exactly what they need!

And even in your case,

Though it's the only case I've ever faced,

Don't worry, I'm determined to succeed!

Follow my lead, and yes, indeed you… will… be…

("Isn't this song sung by a girl?" Anger questioned.

"Yes, but I'm making a manly version," Rick said proudly.)

Popular! You're gonna be popular!

I'll teach you the proper ploys,

When you talk to… girls!

Little ways to flirt and flounce, ooh!

I'll show you what shoes to wear! (He gestured to his army boots)

How to fix your hair!

Everything that really counts to be

Popular! I'll help you be popular!

You'll hang with the right cohorts

You'll be good at sports

Know the slang you've got to know

So let's start,

'Cause you've got an awfully long way to go!

Don't be offended by my frank analysis

Think of it as personality dialysis

Now that I've chosen to be come a pal, a

Sis- _Brother_ and adviser

There's nobody wiser

Not when it comes to popular!

I know about popular!

And with an assist from me

To be who you'll bee

Instead of dreary who you were, well, _are_

There's nothing that can stop you

From becoming populer… lar…

La la! La la!

We're gonna make you popular!"

"You're just embarrassing yourself," Anger grumbled.

"Oh, don't talk like that," Rick growled, "Here, why don't you try to do this pose?" He struck a pose with a smile which he probably thought was charming but made him look like an evil rap- …err… and a random hand gesture in which he pointed with his hand in a gun position.

"You look like an idiot," Anger growled, walking away.

"Though you protest your disinterest," Rick sang:

"I know clandestinely…

You're gonna grin and bear it,

Your new found popularity

La la! La la!

You'll be popular -

Just not as quite as popular

As meeeee!"

…

Anger walked into the living room, where Space and Curiosity were playing Portal 2 Co-op. Dang it, they're probably better than me and Taliax…

I mean, they're at Course Four and haven't died yet! The GLaDOS in the game freaking likes them! Anyway…

"Hi Anger!" the two greeted simultaneously. Anger just nodded in acknowledgment.

"Hey, Anger, Anger, Anger, hey, hey, Anger, hey!" Space said excitedly, "Do you, do you like space?"

"No," he answered solemnly.

"WHAAAAAAT?" Space shrieked.

"Umm…" Curiosity muttered, "Do you like… waffles?"

Anger sighed, knowing what was coming next.

"Do you like waffles?" Curiosity sang happily.

"Yeah, we like waffles!" Space sang back when Anger didn't answer.

"Do you like pancakes?"

"Yeah we like pancakes!"

"Do you like French toast?"

"Yeah we like French toast!"

They sang together:

"Do do do do, can't wait to get a mouthful!

Waffles!

Waffles!

Waffles!

Waffles! Do do do do, can't wait to get a mouthful!

Do you like waffles?"

Anger sighed, "Please stop."

"Do you like pancakes?"

Anger began to walk away.

"Do you like French toast?"

Anger left the room.

Curiosity and Space looked at each other.

"YEAH WE LIKE FRENCH TOAST!

DO DO DO DO!

CAN'T WAIT TO GET A MOUTHFUL!"

…

Anger, Space, Curiosity, Rick, Chell, Glados and Wheatley were forced to gather in GLaDOS's Chamber.

"I would like to know why you have all been _singing_ recently," GLaDOS announced.

"I would like to know this as well," Anger spoke up.

Everyone else looked at each other awkwardly. "Umm…"

"Well… We've been trying to cheer Anger up, and that was the only thing we could think of doing…" Wheatley explained.

"There's a reason he's called the Anger Core, you know," GLaDOS said coldly.

"I know, but Morality fixed his anger problem!" Wheatley protested.

"Then of course he's sulking! What else can he do?" the AI pointed out.

Meanwhile, Anger was walking over to the incinerator that was in the chamber. It opened and he stepped onto its edge.

"Hey! He's about to kill himself!" Glados yelled, getting everyone's attention as Anger jumped in. Everyone (except for GLaDOS) ran over to the incinerator.

"If it's like it was when I was thrown down there, then he might not die unless he jumps again," Chell pointed out.

"In that case, should we send someone after him?" Wheatley asked.

"Wait a minute, what day is it?" Glados asked, "Thursday? Who picked Thursday?"

"Chell?" Wheatley replied.

"Okay, everyone pay Chell, she's the one who bet he'd kill himself on Thursday," Glados pointed out.

"Yes, everyone pay me!" Chell said happily.

…

Anger walked across the debris in the incinerator room, heading back to the living area. If they wanted to cheer him up, they should have left him alone instead of singing.

He finally made it back to the living area, and sat down in the kitchen. A few moments later Intelligence walked in.

"Are you going to sing too?" Anger asked exasperatedly. Much to his relief, Intelligence shook his head.

Anger sat with his head down in the kitchen for a while. Suddenly, Intelligence set a plate of fresh chocolate chip cookies in front of him. Anger smiled, picking one up.

**A/N: Cookies. They should have known.**

**Emo Kid by Adam and Andrew **

**Make 'Em Laugh from Singing in the Rain**

**Happy Song by Liam Lynch**

**Popular from Wicked**

**Do You Like Waffles? By Parry Gripp **


	20. Confusion Gas and Demon Bunnies, Oh My!

**A/N: Hey, guys! In case you haven't noticed, the last chapter has been updated, so before you read this, make sure you read that.**

Glados, Chell, and Wheatley were called to the Central AI Chamber.

"I need the three of you to test an experiment of mine," GLaDOS explained.

"This can't go well," Chell muttered.

The AI's optic turned to her. "Trust me, if I had this before, you would have never been a problem."

"This _really_ can't go well."

"What's the experiment?" Glados asked, interested.

A hose entered the room and moved toward Wheatley, who had been staring off into space (SPACE!) the entire time. It blew a yellowish gas into his face, and in his shock he inhaled it. Wheatley's pupils suddenly went wide and he collapsed.

Glados and Chell stared at him curiously. "Don't we already have a tranquilizing gas?" Glados pointed out.

"It's not a tranquilizing gas," the AI replied, her optic fixed on Wheatley. He suddenly stood up and glanced around, looking fine other than the fact that his pupils were unnaturally large.

Wheatley's eyes suddenly fixed on GLaDOS.

"It's… A giant… CUCUMBER!" he declared in awe, "Maybe it's friendly!"

"Umm… What exactly did that do to him?" Chell asked.

"It's a confusion gas," GLaDOS replied.

"Who set Chell on fire?" Wheatley asked, examining her alarmingly non-flaming body and looking only mildly curious.

"…An _extreme_ confusion gas."

"I appear to have lost my arms and legs!" Wheatley shrieked in terror as he fell to the floor, flailing around like he was failing at doing the worm.

"Then what do you call this?" Chell teased, grabbing his right arm.

"Since when did I grow a tail?" Wheatley pondered, grabbing his right wrist with his left hand while he rolled onto his back.

"It should wear off in a few hours," GLaDOS explained.

Wheatley got back on his feet and stared at the AI again for a few moments before dropping onto one knee. He held out one hand and put the other on his chest.

"GLaDOS, Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System," he said formally, "Would you do me the honor of being… _my bride_?"

"No," she replied quickly and without emotion.

"One moment he's calling you a cucumber and the next he's proposing," Chell noted, "I think your confusion gas works."

"Just keep him under control until it wears off," GLaDOS ordered.

Glados dragged the confused moron to his feet and started yanking him toward the door.

"HELP! I'm being attacked by a shark!" he yelled desperately. Chell began to follow them.

"Chell," GLaDOS stopped her, "I need you to do me a favor…"

…

"I found a portal gun!" Wheatley said excitedly, running up to Glados.

"…That's a hairdryer, Wheatley," she replied calmly, barely glancing at him. He promptly blew hot air into her face with the hairdryer.

"It's not working," he muttered.

"That's because it's a _hairdryer_."

The two were in one of the older test chambers, one of those that were broken, covered with plants, and one could come and go through the various holes in the walls. Glados leaned against a wall, watching Wheatley as he… did whatever he thought he was doing. Chell jumped through one of the holes in the walls to join them.

"What did GLaDOS want?" Glados asked.

"Nothing important," Chell replied.

Wheatley giggled childishly, rolling around in Conversion Gel and getting it all over him.

"I don't think you should do that…" Glados advised.

"Look! I can glow in the dark!" he proclaimed, standing up.

"Wheatley, you can't- RABBIT!" Chell suddenly ran out of the room in hot pursuit of a white rabbit that had just streaked through it.

"Okaaay," Glados muttered.

…

Chell chased the rabbit along a catwalk for a few minutes before it dived into another test chamber and disappeared.

"Dang it," she muttered to herself, walking away from the chamber. "This isn't over, rabbit," she promised.

…

"Meow, meow, meow…" Wheatley said, stroking Neuro's head. He and Glados were in the living room.

"Oh hi," Glados greeted when Chell entered the room, "Did you ever catch that rabbit?"

"Do you _see_ me with a rabbit?" Chell retorted.

"You shouldn't be chasing rabbits!" Wheatley advised seriously, "Don't you know they're highly venomous?" He was ignored.

"I wonder how that thing even got into the Enrichment Centre…" Glados pondered.

"Maybe it flew in through the wormhole!" Wheatley suggested, flapping his arms.

"Meow!" Neuro said. Translation: "You're an idiot!"

"What makes you think I stole something?" Wheatley asked the cat defensively, "I didn't steal anything!" He paused for a moment before pointing accusingly to a storage cube that was sitting innocently on the floor. "It was _you_, wasn't it? You ratted me out!"

The cube remained silent, of course.

"Wheatley…" Glados sighed.

"Don't listen to him!" Wheatley said desperately, "I didn't kidnap him! He came with me on his own accord!"

"Cubes are inanimate objects! They can't speak!" Glados explained furiously. Chell sighed and left the room.

…

Chell sat on the edge of a platform, watching the white rabbit examine a fern growing below her. She had already fired a closed portal at the end of an excursion funnel, and was aiming the other below the rabbit. It hopped a little closer, and she fired.

The rabbit struggled around as it was lifted by the funnel, but with no success. When it reached her, Chell pulled it out of the funnel.

"Hold still…" she muttered softly, trying to get a grip on the small struggling animal. Suddenly, the rabbit stopped struggling and looked at her.

Without warning, a small stream of fire shot from the rabbit's mouth, making her jump back and drop it. Free, the rabbit hopped off again.

"What the heck…?" Chell wondered, watching it go.

…

"LOOK!" Wheatley yelled, pointing at an observation window.

"What is it now, Wheatley?" Glados asked exasperatedly, not really paying attention.

"It's… it's Bigfoot! Driving a tractor! Through the window!"

"That's nice, Wheatley."

Glados didn't pay much attention to him as he flailed his arms and gestured to the window. The confusion gas seemed to be far from wearing off. Chell walked into the room they were in, watching Wheatley with only mild confusion.

"What happened to you?" Glados asked, observing the red burn marks on her hands, "Were you messing around with lasers again?"

"Umm… Yeah, let's just go with that…" she replied.

…

"Nyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyan!" Wheatley sang in an extremely high-pitched voice as the three of them walked down a catwalk.

"How does he do that?" Chell wondered. Despite how high-pitched and fast the song is, Wheatley was able to sing it perfectly.

"Nyanyanyan! Nyan nyan nyan! Nyan… nyan…" Wheatley stopped singing and clutched his head. "Ugh, I think I've got a headache coming…" he moaned.

"Maybe that confusion gas is finally wearing off," Glados suggested.

"The cucumber did _what_?" Wheatley asked confusedly. He suddenly jumped and tried to hide behind Chell. "OH MY GAWD WHAT IS THAT?" he yelled, pointing at absolutely nothing.

"On second thought…"

The trio continued down the catwalk until they came across a broken tube, the kind that cubes and such travel through.

"Huh, I thought GLaDOS had fixed all of the tubes…" Glados noted.

"Which GLaDOS are you talking about, Chell?" Wheatley asked seriously, looking Glados in the eye.

"Which one do you think?" Glados asked exasperatedly, glaring at him.

"The blue one," he replied.

Glados rolled her eyes while Chell snickered.

"We should find out where this tube leads," Wheatley suggested seriously, "And the only way to do that is by riding down it."

"You're joking, right?" Glados said exasperatedly, "If we ride down that thing, odds are we'll end up going at least 50 miles per hour…"

"How do you know that?" Chell asked.

"If I try to explain it to you, you'll both be at the bottom of the tube by the time I'm done."

"50 miles per hour, huh?" Wheatley noted, "You have a point." There was a damaged tube full of Propulsion Gel across the catwalk from the broken tube, and without warning Wheatley kicked it, causing it to brake and spill gel all the way down the other tube. "Now we should go 90 miles per hour!"

"_Excellent_ idea, Wheatley," Glados growled sarcastically, "It's obvious that the confusion gas didn't tamper with your ability to make bad decisions."

"That was a good idea," Chell said jokingly, shoving Glados down the tube before jumping in herself with Wheatley right behind. Ah, the ideas that these guys get.

About two minutes of sliding down a tube with plenty of loop-de-loops, sharp turns, and completely covered in Propulsion Gel, not to mention that they were screaming the whole way, the trio fell out the end of the tube, practically on top of each other.

"What's with all of those dolphins?" Wheatley asked, pushing away from the other two and standing up.

They found themselves in a room full of cubes.

"This must be one of the cube storage units," Glados pointed out, also standing up, "You're lucky we didn't end up in the incinerator," she added with an irritated growl in her voice.

"I thought that was fun," Chell said.

"Yes, well, you're insane," Glados countered.

"Aren't we all?"

"Point taken."

…

Some amount of time after the left the cube storage unit, Chell was running down a catwalk, once again in pursuit of the rabbit. Yes, even though it somehow shot fire at her.

The catwalk abruptly ended, and the rabbit skidded to a halt.

"There's nowhere to go now except the abyss," Chell said quietly as the rabbit turned to face her.

However, as she got closer to it, _wings_ suddenly grew out if its back. It jumped and flew away from the catwalk, landing on the top of a nearby structure. The wings retracted back into its back, and it hopped away, leaving Chell very confused once again.

…

Wheatley was lying on the couch in the living area.

"Ugh… I've got such a headache… Look at those pretty birds…" he muttered, one hand waving in the air while the other clutched his head.

"Can I just knock him out now?" Glados pleaded, looking at a camera.

"Please do so. I have enough data on the effects of the gas," GLaDOS replied irritably.

"Alright. Now, where did Chell put the crowbar…" Glados muttered, searching the room.

"What about a candy bar?" Wheatley asked, "I would like a candy bar…"

"…Yes, Wheatley, I'm getting you a candy bar…" Glados said sarcastically, finally finding the crowbar and approaching the couch.

"Wait, what are you doing with that snake?" Wheatley asked, horrified. Without answering, Glados smacked his head with it, knocking him out.

"Much better," she sighed.

…

"Aww, he's so cute!" Curiosity said, petting a rabbit, "I wonder where he came from?"

"I shall call him Space and he shall be mine, and he shall be my Space!" Space proclaimed, also petting the rabbit.

They were in one of the more dilapidated areas of the facility, sitting against a wall with the rabbit just relaxing between them. Yes, it was the same flying, fire-breathing rabbit that Chell's been trying to catch.

"Hey, how did you catch that rabbit?" Chell asked, running up to them.

"He likes it when you scratch behind his ears!" Curiosity replied, "Do you know where the rabbit came from? What kind of rabbit is he? Can we keep him? Is he even a 'he'?"

"Umm…" Chell said, not sure which question to answer, "Look, I just need him for… something important." She knelt down and started scratching the rabbit behind his ears until she could pick him up.

"Ooh, what do you need him for? Can we help? _Can we keep him_?" Curiosity asked, standing up.

"From what I've seen this rabbit do-" Chell began, just before the rabbit shot a stream of fire from its mouth, luckily not in the direction of anyone. She kept a hold of him this time and continued to scratch behind his ears, making him calm down again. "-You do not want to keep him," she finished.

…

Glados threw a pillow at Wheatley, making him wake up.

"NOO! THE POTATOES ARE COMING FOR ME!" he yelled, jumping off the couch and running into the wall, "Huh? What happen'?"

"Hmm… So far I can't tell whether or not you're still under the influence of the confusion gas," Glados told him calmly, "Anyway, we're going to the Central AI Chamber for a final assessment on your condition."

Ten minutes later, the two were in the Central AI Chamber. It turns out that Wheatley was finally back to his normal moronic self. Before they could leave, Chell entered the chamber, carrying a white rabbit that she was scratching behind the ears.

"GLaDOS, I caught your escaped test subject," she reported. The AI turned to face her.

"It's about time. Just put it in that cage over there," GLaDOS ordered.

"You've been testing a _bunny_?" Wheatley asked, walking over to pet it, "Poor little guy…"

"Not testing; just experimenting on it," she replied.

"I can tell," Chell growled. She walked over to a cage that was near the wall of the chamber.

"Mein gott!" the rabbit suddenly shrieked when she held it over the cage.

"Did… Did that rabbit just talk… In _German_?" Glados asked confusedly.

"Yes," the AI answered calmly, "Just put it in the cage."

Chell shrugged and placed the struggling rabbit in the cage.

"Ich ermorde die ganze Sie! Ich beherrsche die Welt! Vorherrsch Sie, sage ich! Ihre Seelen sind meine!" the rabbit yelled as the cage door closed and it began to descend into the floor.

"It's just a normal day in Aperture…" Glados commented calmly as the trio exited the chamber.

**A/N: 'Mein Gott!'=My God!**

'**Ich ermorde die ganze Sie! Ich beherrsche die Welt! Vorherrsch Sie, sage ich! Ihre Seelen sind meine!'=I shall murder all of you! I shall dominate the world! Dominate, I say! Your souls are mine!**

**If you put the second one through a translator, it'll say something different that doesn't make much sense. That was what it's supposed to mean.**

**Anyway, as you already know either from reading The Red Sphere or if you guessed, due to the school year starting my fanfiction writing is going to slow WAAAAAY down. This took me an entire week to write because of school. I hope that with all of the complete randomness it was worth the wait.**

**Also, Chapter 19 might not be updated. Not many interesting things have happened in the last two weeks of school, and thus I have no ideas. It might be eventually, but this fanfiction in general might not be updated for a while.**

**As for those of you who read ASHEaDE, don't give up hope on that one! I'm going to be focusing on that for a while, so it will be updated eventually!**


	21. Invasion!

**A/N: This is me trying to get over my massive writer's block by writing something completely ridiculous to get back into the habit, which means that although I'll be happy if you like this, I won't care if you don't since it's not meant to be good or even make sense.**

**This is also what happens when the fangirl in me gets out of her cage and sneaks into my fanfiction.**

"You really shouldn't try to use the test subjects from that wing. It's too close to the Fourth Wall."

It wasn't like she didn't try to warn GLaDOS.

"Seriously-the Fourth Wall of this fic is barely standing. You never know what could get in through there."

She already had plenty of problems with trying to get rid of the birds and keeping Wheatley from being a menace to himself and everything around him.

"Stop looking at me like I drowned your goldfish! There are plenty of test subjects elsewhere. Right _here_ for example."

But since when did GLaDOS listen to Chell?

…

A teenage girl slowly regained consciousness as glass slid away above her. She slowly sat up in the stasis pod and looked around the relaxation vault curiously. She knew she recognized this place; she knew two versions of it-hundreds, maybe thousands of years apart- like the back of her hand.

_Oh. My. Gawd._ The fangirl thought with an insane grin spreading across her face. _This is Portal!_

…

GLaDOS irritably watched the new test subject as she ran in circles around the test chamber, giggling madly. She could solve the test-in fact; she had solved it three times now. She would solve the test, run around while laughing insanely, reset the test, solve the test, and repeat. It was a completely ridiculous waste of time. The more brain-damaged test subjects were easier to deal with than this.

"Look, subject name here," GLaDOS began. The teenage test subject gave a girlish squeal and fell over in an attempt to stop. "You've solved the test. THREE TIMES. Just go to the next chamber." The exit door opened, and the girl skipped through.

GLaDOS had a feeling she wasn't going to get anywhere with this one. At first she was relieved that this one wasn't as brain-damaged as the others in cryogenic storage, but they had been at this for four hours and had only completed three chambers. So, rather than leading to the next test, the elevator took the test subject to an empty room.

"I'll be honest. At this rate, we're not getting anywhere," GLaDOS explained darkly, "To put it simply: Goodbye."

The room began to fill with neurotoxin. The fangirl looked around. Despite how awesome this was, she knew this was a problem.

_How am I supposed to get out of this?_ She vaguely wondered, _Oh wait…_

"AMAZING AUTHORESS POWERS UNITE!" she yelled, "FOURTH WALL EXPLOSION!"

The Fourth Wall screamed in agony as a wall in the room exploded and the fangirl escaped.

"I should have known…" GLaDOS sighed, not that surprised.

…

"Where did you go…?" Chell muttered as she searched an unused test chamber.

"Chell," GLaDOS called over the intercom.

"What now?" Chell asked exasperatedly, still searching.

"I need you to help round up an insane escaped test subject," the AI answered, annoyed.

"That will have to wait," she replied, pausing in her search, "Something else has escaped, too."

"And what would that be?" GLaDOS asked, getting more agitated by the second.

"Err… The plot bunnies."

"The _plot bunnies_? How could they possibly escape when aren't even physically in existence?"

Chell shrugged. "How should I know? They're here, they escaped, and they're all over the place, probably due to the authoress's writer's block."

"How many of them are there?" GLaDOS asked irritably after a pause.

"One for each chapter… except there's only one for chapters 16 through 19, and chapters 11, 21, 8 and 9 don't have plot bunnies at all, so there're 19."

GLaDOS metaphorically face palmed. "Can't a bunch of bunnies wait? This test subject, who is apparently a fangirl, is kind of-" there was an explosion in the distance, "-a problem."

"A _fangirl_?" Chell looked at a camera with a grin, "What did I tell you about that particular wing?"

"How was I to know that I would get a fangirl with authoress powers?" GLaDOS demanded angrily.

"_Authoress powers? _ Oh, man!" Chell was now laughing hysterically.

"What?"

"Only authoress powers can combat authoress powers! All you can do is hope that it doesn't happen anywhere important."

"Are you saying that I'll have to try to convince Xelac to come over here and- Oh wait, never mind. She's here anyway."

…

"What are you doing here?" GLaDOS asked coldly after Xelac and Taliax randomly apparated into her chamber with a big metal cage behind them, a chain leash slung over Xelac's shoulder, and Taliax holding a big butterfly net.

"Isn't it obvious? You've got a fangirl problem," Xelac replied, "And by the looks of things, she needs to be taken out fast before everyone, even you, is glomped to death."

"And you're going to catch her with a leash, a cage, and an oversized butterfly net?" the AI asked exasperatedly.

"It's not just a butterfly net!" Taliax explained, "It's a fangirl net! _And_ a butterfly net!"

"It can also catch mean reviewers," Xelac said warningly. Several reviewers took a few steps back.

"So, off we go!" Taliax said cheerfully, and the two girls skipped out of the room, waving the net around and leaving the cage behind.

…

"AHHH! HELP ME! AHHHH!" Wheatley screamed and struggled as the fangirl pinned him to the ground.

"Aww, calm down Wheatie," she cooed sadistically, stroking his hair.

Wheatley whimpered and kicked a few more times, feeling like he was going to be sick as his strength drained from his limbs.

Chell approached them quietly, hoping the girl would be too preoccupied with her victim to notice her. She raised her trusty crowbar, keeping a close eye on the fangirl's head, and swung. The girl jerked, then slid limply off Wheatley's body. He scrambled up and hid behind Chell in a way that would have made his tormentor squeal with delight if she were conscious.

"C'mon, let's find Xelac," Chell said, pushing the still-whimpering Wheatley away from her.

As they walked quickly away, the fangirl raised one eyelid and watched them go with a maniacal grin tugging at her lips.

…

"Gotcha!" Rick said triumphantly as he pulled a little bunny out from between to parts of machinery in a maintenance room. Bunny 16-19 struggled for a moment before stopping and looking at him with big, round eyes. "Aww, why'd I have to be the one to get this little guy? Bein' the plot bunny for that part where we were kids makes it abnormally cute…" he said as he stroked the bunny's head.

"Hey! HEY! Space bunny! Come back!" Space cried as he tried to chase Bunny 4, who was obviously high on sugar.

Morality wordlessly placed a bunny covered with Brie cheese, Bunny 5, in the cage in the middle of the room that they were using as they rounded the plot bunnies up.

Suddenly they all felt the hairs on the back of their necks stand up, and the bunnies stopped trying to escape, frozen in fear.

"Hello, Rick, Space," the fangirl said calmly as she waltzed into the room, completely ignoring Morality, "and BUNNIES!"

She ran over to Rick and took the tiny bunny from him, cuddling it against her cheek as it squeaked with fear.

"Hey…" Rick began.

"Cool it, tough guy," she said.

"Tough guy? Oooh," he said, feeling an unnatural and unwanted calmness steal over him as he watched the fangirl pet Bunny 16-19.

"Space?" Space squeaked as Morality pulled him out of the room to safety.

…

"I don't get it," Wheatley said fearfully, "She was right here!"

He, Chell, Xelac and Taliax stood around the area where they had left the unconscious fangirl.

"Frankly, I'm not surprised," Xelac stated.

"What do we do now?" Taliax asked.

"What else? We use our amazing authoress powers to track down the fangirl," Xelac replied simply, holding her fist up heroically. Everyone else just stared at her.

"Well?" Chell asked, "You're the authoress, are you going to use your authoress powers or not?"

"Oh, right," Xelac muttered.

…

"You're times up, fan-Ohhh, man, I did NOT want to see that…" Xelac said awkwardly as the group entered the room and the fangirl sprang apart from Rick in surprise.

Rick immediately started wiping his mouth with disgust. "Help me…" he whimpered.

Xelac shook her head, trying in vain to clear it. "Uh, authoress powers…" she muttered, raising the fangirl net.

(10 minutes later)

"Well, that was harder than I thought," Xelac said, calmly examining the fangirl shrieking and struggling in the net and the destruction of the maintenance room. It will take GLaDOS a week to repair that particular reassembly machine. "This isn't just a fangirl… She's become a Mary Sue by the looks of things."

A gasp echoed around the room at the words 'Mary Sue'.

"A Mary Sue? Really?" Wheatley whispered in fear.

"Yeah, that's why her presence had an effect on some of you," Taliax explained, "Some people are immune to it, others not so much."

…

"Was all that really necessary?" GLaDOS asked as the group entered her chamber, dragging the Mary Sue behind them in the net towards the cage, "And can you keep that thing quiet?"

Sighing, Chell once again struck the screaming Mary Sue with her crowbar, but it hardly made a dent in her volume. They shoved her into her cage roughly. Thankfully, she retreated into the cage's corner and was reduced to whimpering.

"A Mary Sue, even a low-leveled one, showing up is not a good sign," Taliax said warningly.

"The scary thing is, I didn't plan for there to be a Mary Sue when I started writing this. It was supposed to be about the plot bunnies, but somehow the fangirl turned into a Mary Sue…" Xelac growled, mostly to herself.

"Hold on, I thought that as authors you have complete control over the story!" Wheatley said.

"Yeah, well, sometimes the story gets away from you and you just write without thinking," Xelac explained.

That One Guy suddenly jumped into the room. "That Mary Sue was created because of the lack of the Fourth Wall in this fanfiction!" he complained as usual.

"Hey, TOG. You're a little late for Fourth Wall breaking, aren't you?" Chell said casually.

TOG twitched. "I was, uh, busy," he replied.

Xelac and Taliax pushed the cage into a portal that lead to the Mary Sue Dungeon.

"Well, that takes care of that. We ought to be going," Xelac said, "See ya!"

And with that the authoresses teleported out. TOG was kicked out of the fic, and everyone got on with their lives once again.

**A/N: Yes, that was a sucky ending. But like I said before, this chapter wasn't exactly supposed to be that good.**

**And no, I didn't actually plan for half of that stuff to happen. I didn't really plan this chapter out anyway, but I had no idea that would happen.**

**The Mary Sue was a reference to a series of fanfictions that Taliax and I are planning to write. It's going to be a massive crossover over several things at once, kind of like the Anti-Cliché and Mary Sue Elimination Society and the Protectors of the Plot Continuum, but hopefully making more sense. Those things are so big and have so many fandoms involved that it's hard for someone new to understand it. We want to use less fandoms so more people can understand it, and each fanfiction in the series will be placed in the crossover section with the two fandoms that it focuses on the most and have background information on the others to help people understand.**

**It'll probably involve Kingdom Hearts, Portal, Harry Potter, and Pokémon, and we're not sure about other things. It's going to be about corruption from fanfictions that either break the Fourth Wall too much, have too many plot holes, or are just plain bad affecting good fanfiction and trying to affect the cannon world, and an organization of OC's and characters who try to stop it.**

**So, hopefully this helped my writer's block, but I'm not sure if it did. I still need to figure out what's going to happen in Aperture Goes Camping Chapter 3 and ASHEaDE Chapter 11.**

**Also, there is going to be a Halloween related chapter up next, but I'm not sure after that.**


	22. Narwhals, Narwhals

**A/N: I should note that at the moment I have no idea what you are about to read. I'm just writing for the heck of it, like last time. Frankly, lately I've been thinking that I should go through this fic, get rid of the chapters I don't like, and maybe even improve the better chapters. But how am I supposed to find the motivation to do that?**

**Also, Almighty Wheatleys Agent, I am interested, but I don't know your email address… Did you post it in a different review and I just forgot or something? **

**Another thing-I know that a lot of you are wanting less Fourth Wall breaking, and you should be very relieved. Originally, this chapter would have plunged the wall even farther into oblivion. But then I got this ridiculous idea.**

As anyone who has completed, or seen a walkthrough to, the end of the Co-op campaign knows, GLaDOS now has access to a giant vault filled with human test subjects. …I mentioned that before, didn't I? When I was explaining where the bodies that the cores were uploaded into came from…

Let's just get to the point. Among the test subjects from that vault was a normal guy named David. And when I say normal, I mean _normal_. His facial features were the sort that could be used when describing a thousand other men his age, with his only unique feature being that he has no unique features. Before he was placed in cryogenic storage, he had a typical job, an ordinary wife, and two average children who had average grades in school.

Now, obviously, he's not important. Let's turn to a more interesting character, GLaDOS's human counterpart, Glados. As you know, she has the same memories (from before her creation, at least) and personality as the supercomputer we all know and love. However, we also know that humans have a tendency to be influenced by others. How else do you think Twilight and Justin Bieber became popular? Anyway, she had no intention to let that happen. She was exactly like GLaDOS, except human, after all. She fought this with every ounce of will she had. But such things happen subtly. She was in charge of Chell and Wheatley, and as such hung out with them way too often to prevent this, not to mention that every other humanized core had already gone under. GLaDOS would have never gone along with Chell and Wheatley's ridiculous idea, but Glados did, just to make sure they didn't go too far, or so she told herself.

Now, let's look back at David. He was progressing through test chambers at an average speed. No, really. Take all the times of every test subject ever and average them together and you get the exact speed that he was going. He made all the mistakes that it's normal for a test subject to make, and took the same typical rout. He was so predictable that it was driving GLaDOS insane. She had been able to accurately predict every step he took and exactly how he would take it. He even reacted to her insults in the most predictable way.

As he went along testing, suddenly something strange and out of the ordinary finally shattered the redundant ordinary-ness. The male voice of the announcer that he had heard once or twice alongside the female voice he was more accustomed to suddenly spoke.

"The cow says moo," the announcer pointed out calmly. David looked at the ceiling in confusion.

"A glitch occurred in the announcer system," came the female voice, "Continue testing."

And so he did, progressing just a little further before the announcer came on again.

"Narwhals, narwhals," the announcer said in his usual melancholy voice, "Swimming in the ocean, causing a commotion, because they are so awesome."

"We are currently working on fixing the glitch," said the female voice, "No matter what it says, ignore it and continue testing. It is unimportant."

"If there is a robot equivalent to caffeine, the Enrichment Centre urges you to keep it far, far away from the Central Core," the announcer reported.

…

Far away from the testing tracks, in a certain control room, Chell and Wheatley could hardly contain their laughter as Glados refrained from snickering. They had come across the control panel for the announcer by chance, and before then didn't know that, rather than just being prerecorded messages, you could actually type something into the panel and the announcer will say it in his calm, monotone voice. Of course, you couldn't do it without a 14-digit password, and when Wheatley's hacking abilities failed, Chell managed to convince Glados that this was another chance for her to best Wheatley.

And now, five minutes later, they had the announcer broadcasting random phrases all over the Enrichment Centre.

"Other than making the announcer say random things," Chell said after she had stopped laughing, "Could we change its voice in any way?"

Glados glanced at the announcer's control panel. "Probably," she replied, even though messing around with Aperture equipment wasn't usually her thing. After all, AI GLaDOS was sure to catch them eventually, and _who_ would have been expected to stop this?

However, after a few moments of tinkering, the announcer said for all to hear in a voice similar to that of Darth Vader's, "I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream."

By this point, every sentient being, except for GLaDOS, in the Enrichment Centre were at least snickering, even the few test subjects who were currently awake and testing, including one who was particularly slow and had a Mohawk. GLaDOS constantly ridiculed him for it, especially since he claimed that it made him look "more sexy to them chicks, yo".

"Chickity China, the Chinese chicken," the announcer said, "have a drum stick and your brain stops ticking."

Normal David had stopped testing entirely, and was simply staring at the ceiling, waiting for the announcer's next comment.

…

"What else could we make him say?" Wheatley asked, sitting in front of the control panel and staring at it intently as if it would jump out with the perfect and most hilarious answer.

"What if we made it sound like GLaDOS?" Chell suggested mischievously.

"No," Glados said simply.

"But-"

"NO."

"Maybe I can hack it," Wheatley said slyly.

Of course, we all know how Wheatley's hacking techniques work. He started pressing random buttons.

"Hoobotch smener smitch," the announcer said calmly, "Wickle mah cratzy hogt."

"Would you stop that?" Glados said, shoving him away from the panel and accidently hitting the keyboard herself.

"Hooplah," came the announcer's monotone voice.

…

Our average friend David was very confused at this point.

"Raffel cater machy tosh," the announcer said, "Caramelldansen, oo, oo, oo-ah, oo-ah."

It sounded like if what the announcer said was being typed, someone was fighting over the keyboard.

…

"SPAAAAAACE!" Space randomly yelled from somewhere in the Enrichment Centre. A few of the other cores around him looked up, but didn't react otherwise.

…

"Get off the keyboard!" Glados almost yelled, trying to shove Wheatley, who was sitting on the keyboard.

"Rrmmmmm," said the announcer.

Chell just watched with an amused expression.

…

Punch lines to use when you can't come up with one!

Effect!

Even if it has no bearing on the story or development, it's still a very effective punch line.

How to use!

Use it in a humorous story.

Only use it once!

Place it at the very end of the story.

Application!

You can insert this into any story. It's a high-grade technique that requires thought!

It can even be used to break out of a slump!

Example:

"Wheatley…" Chell said exasperatedly, watching as he munched on something, "You're not supposed to eat the punch lines…"

"What? These are punch lines?" he asked in alarm, "I thought the authoress couldn't come up with any!"

…

"Huvkle manky laker smug," the announcer said.

It apparently had become a game. Wheatley was still sitting on the keyboard; Glados was on one side of him trying to push him off while Chell was on the other trying to pull him off. It was surprising how good of a grip a moron can have.

"Lammy gretuh putly humpuff."

"What have you been doing?" GLaDOS demanded, finally finding them.

The trio froze, not sure of what to do. Glados almost blushed with embarrassment, well, she _did_ blush, but was desperately trying to hide it, while Chell and Wheatley glanced at each other knowingly, since they have been in this situation many, many times before.

With a final "Markan malry fruffle" Wheatley got off the keyboard, apparently pressing a previously un-pressed button that caused the song Colors of the Wind to be blasted all over the Enrichment Centre.

"Wh-what have you done?" the AI asked with a hint of alarm as the nature-loving Disney music rang through the halls and corridors of science.

Chell, laughing, gestured to the other two that they should probably get out of there, really, _really_ fast. Just as they managed to dash out the door, GLaDOS spoke up again.

"Wait, you three. I'm not finished with you yet," she said in an uncomfortably calm voice. The trio froze for a second before Chell snapped out of it and was about to shove the other two forward when mechanical arms sprang out from behind the panels and grabbed them…

…

David was very, _very_ confused that day.

**A/N: Not my best, I know, but random nonetheless. Don't be alarmed if you look at this fanfic and find that it has less than 27 chapters and some of them have changed, since yes, I am planning on doing that. I miss Neuro, so I'm bringing him and Henry back by the ears… I didn't even like that chapter. He was originally supposed to just be some cute kitty that shows up now and then, and look what I did to him!**

**Also, Chapter 19 has finally been updated... It's not much, but better than nothing.**


End file.
